i have absolutely no motivation to study at this very moment (and the last 2 months leading to this very second).
the weekend was lovely, not too much time spent alone :)
friday night gathering of the beautiful ladies, although all were exhausted from work and living our hectic lives ;) so a nice quiet catch-up session at Starbucks instead of late-night shopping
saturday i spent the day with paowan: lunch, manicure, wandering around east coast park. it was nice to see her again (our quick lunches at work don't count!) and whinge and complain about our non-existent love lives as well as compare notes on guys who have caught our eyes recently...
sunday is always refreshing, worshipping with brothers and sisters in Christ. had breakfast with qi and lsy before heading to church, then pirates 3 with the girls, and present shopping!
had a sore throat over the weekend and finally went to see the doctor on monday (which is sooner than i normally would) and i've got tonsilitis once again. explains the pain though. but as miserable as it has been having my tonsils swollen and the pain that comes with it, i've been trying to keep my spirits up. translation: no study. instead, i've watched a korean movie "seducing mr perfect" (the guy is SO HOT!!!!) and finished off one tree hill, am about to finish off heroes. ohhh procrastination, why do you keep stalking me??
have you ever had tonsilitis??
i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!
the most torturous part is that i'm left feeling hungry all the time! why? because it hurts when i swallow, yes, even drinking water is painful. and mummy laughed when i told her why i couldn't eat to my heart's content!
oh, i've got more to say! but i'm tired, lazy and need to go get ready! till the next time...
Saturday, May 19, 2007
time flies, life passes me by
it's amazing how fast time just flies...
i've been in singapore for 3 months,
CFA exam is in 2 weeks,
i've been down and out,
i've bounced back,
i'm taking things slow now.
one thing remains: God is still the centre of my life.
recently, i've found that i have more time to myself, just some breathing space to think and reflect. - and i hated it!! it just confirms the fact that i can't be left idle.
work has been great. obviously the occasional stressful periods, but i'm learning to deal with it and when it all gets too much, i am relying on His strength and guidance.
i have also been getting more sleep, though i'm not sure if it's a good thing as my body and mind is starting to crave for more and more!
a new trend that's happening - i'm listening to more "punk" music. but Hillsong still features very regularly on my iPod :)
i have also learnt not to regret the past but to look forward to the future. there's a lot of things in life that i am impatient for, many questions beginning with WHY, restlessness kicking in...but i'm constantly reminded that He has a perfect plan for me and it will be in His perfect timing.
i really thank God for the friends in my life, who are quickly becoming family.
i was recommended a book the other day: Why Men Love Bitches
i read 20 pages on the train the other day and it made me laugh. honestly, i found it a little ridiculous.
1. "from Doormat to Dreamgirl - a woman's guide to holding her own in a relationship" - there's a lot in there about being true to yourself, which i'm not disagreeing with, but then there are many helpful suggestions on how to subtley manipulate yourself and your attitude, and then i'm left wondering why all this for a man who might not appreciate who you truly are if you're representing yourself as someone you're not?
2. i don't believe in dating. or rather, i believe in courtship, and there IS a difference. if you want to go into details, read Joshua Harris. God's plan and timing is what i believe in and whether or not there is someone He has planned for me in my life.
so, for me, i don't need to know how to become a woman that men would find desirable. neither do i need someone telling me how to run my relationships. bottom line, i'm not going to cater to the imperfections of mankind and the superficial standards of society.
the month of may marks the start of birthday season. giselle, milly, daddy, von, and kathy have already had their birthdays and indeed, there are many more to come...i've missed them all so dearly! especially during this time of celebrations!! sometimes i can't believe it's only been 3 months and i shouldn't be feeling so homesick, yet at other times i can't believe 3 whole months have flown by and i'm wondering when, and counting down the days til, i will be able to make a trip back home to catch up with everyone again.
yesterday, after much deliberation, i decided to go to bern's house party with beckie. and i was glad gloria and gwen were there too :) 2 hours spent in front of the tv and us four were starting to go a little crazy and deciding on a supper run. but joined in the drinking games when told we were "being antisocial, we might as well just have stayed at home and talk to each other on the phone". turned out to be a pretty good night after all and i arrived home and immediately fell into traum-land at about 6am...only to be rudely awakened and shocked into the waking world too frequently from 9am, thanks to the neighbours upstairs doing renovations. i finally gave up at 11am, i don't think my heart could take it any longer...how ironic that the only time i was prepared to sleep in and i'm not even given the opportunity!
i should have blogged about 2 weeks earlier and put up these photos of our girls night - dinner at TCC and Muse, and outing to Sentosa...hee:
i've been in singapore for 3 months,
CFA exam is in 2 weeks,
i've been down and out,
i've bounced back,
i'm taking things slow now.
one thing remains: God is still the centre of my life.
recently, i've found that i have more time to myself, just some breathing space to think and reflect. - and i hated it!! it just confirms the fact that i can't be left idle.
work has been great. obviously the occasional stressful periods, but i'm learning to deal with it and when it all gets too much, i am relying on His strength and guidance.
i have also been getting more sleep, though i'm not sure if it's a good thing as my body and mind is starting to crave for more and more!
a new trend that's happening - i'm listening to more "punk" music. but Hillsong still features very regularly on my iPod :)
i have also learnt not to regret the past but to look forward to the future. there's a lot of things in life that i am impatient for, many questions beginning with WHY, restlessness kicking in...but i'm constantly reminded that He has a perfect plan for me and it will be in His perfect timing.
i really thank God for the friends in my life, who are quickly becoming family.
i was recommended a book the other day: Why Men Love Bitches
i read 20 pages on the train the other day and it made me laugh. honestly, i found it a little ridiculous.
1. "from Doormat to Dreamgirl - a woman's guide to holding her own in a relationship" - there's a lot in there about being true to yourself, which i'm not disagreeing with, but then there are many helpful suggestions on how to subtley manipulate yourself and your attitude, and then i'm left wondering why all this for a man who might not appreciate who you truly are if you're representing yourself as someone you're not?
2. i don't believe in dating. or rather, i believe in courtship, and there IS a difference. if you want to go into details, read Joshua Harris. God's plan and timing is what i believe in and whether or not there is someone He has planned for me in my life.
so, for me, i don't need to know how to become a woman that men would find desirable. neither do i need someone telling me how to run my relationships. bottom line, i'm not going to cater to the imperfections of mankind and the superficial standards of society.
the month of may marks the start of birthday season. giselle, milly, daddy, von, and kathy have already had their birthdays and indeed, there are many more to come...i've missed them all so dearly! especially during this time of celebrations!! sometimes i can't believe it's only been 3 months and i shouldn't be feeling so homesick, yet at other times i can't believe 3 whole months have flown by and i'm wondering when, and counting down the days til, i will be able to make a trip back home to catch up with everyone again.
yesterday, after much deliberation, i decided to go to bern's house party with beckie. and i was glad gloria and gwen were there too :) 2 hours spent in front of the tv and us four were starting to go a little crazy and deciding on a supper run. but joined in the drinking games when told we were "being antisocial, we might as well just have stayed at home and talk to each other on the phone". turned out to be a pretty good night after all and i arrived home and immediately fell into traum-land at about 6am...only to be rudely awakened and shocked into the waking world too frequently from 9am, thanks to the neighbours upstairs doing renovations. i finally gave up at 11am, i don't think my heart could take it any longer...how ironic that the only time i was prepared to sleep in and i'm not even given the opportunity!
i should have blogged about 2 weeks earlier and put up these photos of our girls night - dinner at TCC and Muse, and outing to Sentosa...hee:
Thursday, May 03, 2007
lissy showed mummy the photo of jake and mummy says he does not look like a rabbit!!
but he's still so cute...and when he stands his ears up, he DOES look like a bunny can!
i was really flattered when Qi said my blog is interesting. i always thought it was just a whole garble of words, like rojak. but she said i need more photos. and i agree! but no camera...YET! you'll definitely know when i get my camera :) hmmm i'll need a photo gallery!!
ps. is garble even a word?
but he's still so cute...and when he stands his ears up, he DOES look like a bunny can!
i was really flattered when Qi said my blog is interesting. i always thought it was just a whole garble of words, like rojak. but she said i need more photos. and i agree! but no camera...YET! you'll definitely know when i get my camera :) hmmm i'll need a photo gallery!!
ps. is garble even a word?
desire not for it is a disease that will destroy your heart
"too often the thing you want most is the one you can't have. desire leaves us heartbroken. it wears us out. desire can wreck your life. but as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."
i don't want to say anything cliche like i've seen the light at the end of the tunnel or even mention the word 'epiphany' (i just did) so let's just say i've done an alice in wonderland and i'm back in reality.
the incident that finally woke me up was horrifying. because i'm not that kind of person . and i never want anyone to think i'm that type - i can't even bring myself to say the words, it's blasphemous! especially when Qi says it, it just really snapped me out of it and to take it seriously (so thanks for that darl) and not just brush it away because I know i'm not that person.
i still don't know what i want and i'm definitely suffering the most. but i have people who love me and are there for me, regardless of distance or how long we've known each other. i'm truly blessed and i need to remember that everyday :)
i love rainy days at home, when it's storming outside and the waves are all choppy and angry, the yachts bobbing up and down in indignation...
and i would happily shut myself indoors and cook all my favourite comfort food. i think rainy days are the best type of weather for cooking!
or just to curl up in bed reading, my feather doona and mountain of pillows to keep me company. the climate here is far too warm to have a feather doona, or any other doona for that matter.
they say Home Is Where The Heart Is. i guess i left my heart back with my family, one-quarters of a world away...
and i would happily shut myself indoors and cook all my favourite comfort food. i think rainy days are the best type of weather for cooking!
or just to curl up in bed reading, my feather doona and mountain of pillows to keep me company. the climate here is far too warm to have a feather doona, or any other doona for that matter.
they say Home Is Where The Heart Is. i guess i left my heart back with my family, one-quarters of a world away...
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
sickness
oh my! jake's looking at me with the cutest look on his face!!!
but it does little to lift my deflated spirits.
i'm feeling really weak and dizzy and faint and totally drained and exhausted. i look deathly pale!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????????
i just wanted a day off to enjoy the company of my closest and dearests but it ends up with me being more miserable than ever. but i'm still going to make it! nothing will stop me from making this day go uphill from this moment on!
but it does little to lift my deflated spirits.
i'm feeling really weak and dizzy and faint and totally drained and exhausted. i look deathly pale!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????????
i just wanted a day off to enjoy the company of my closest and dearests but it ends up with me being more miserable than ever. but i'm still going to make it! nothing will stop me from making this day go uphill from this moment on!
sentimentalism
i'm keeping the unlighted candle from small group birthday celebration. it's going into my memory box. yes, i'm starting a memory box of my time in singapore.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
a GREAT day!!!
thank God for days like today :)
after 4.5 hours of sleep (deprivation!!), and spending the last few hours before that getting really really confused, i was looking forward to spending time with my darlings. (by the way, i still don't understand, and don't ask me what it is that i don't understand)
i started off well: got ready by 10.10am and caught the 10.15 bus. however, my punctuality was thrown out the window when qi called. she managed to get distracted by the evil tv and was late meeting me at the city hall interchange and coz we were starving by then, grabbed some old chang kee before meeting the gang at starbucks, where we received the angry-teacher-look from siping who surrepitiously told us we were 25mins late! enquiries after the absent melvin and nicholas (nick went to the "same place" thanks to qi's sms, which was the wrong place, and melvin went to look for him), caffeine and various beverages ordered, and we were ready to get down to business but...it's a brunch, not small group! diao!
brunch was fun :) qi and i argued over who the messier eater was (me!) and also the slowest eater (me again!) and it resulted in the throwing of rubbish at each other! hehe...what maturity level?!? denise wanted to get a haircut, so she and galvin momentarily left us for supercuts, and we'll rendezvous with them at cineleisure for the movie - SPIDERMAN 3!!!
not long after their departure the rest of the gang sojourned for lunch (yes! looking for more food!!) but got sidetracked into shopping instead :) my favourite hobby!! the heeren >> qi was looking for havaianas, which turned out to be rather fruitless, she didn't like anything/couldn't make up her mind. melvin told nick (in all seriousness too!) that it's a good thing that he is now shopping with girls (aside: we're really not that bad!) so that he has some experience to which nick replied that he's been shopping with girls before. honestly nick, you don't want to go shopping with us when we're on a mission!! LOL >> saturday with qi and lsy at vivo! then we went to world of sports where the salesperson didn't take off the security tag! faint!
we met up with the rest (minus gloria phua at this point) and got our bubble tea and tickets and popcorn and drinks. and gloria phua shows up YAY!!!
i won't spoil the movie for anyone else who hasn't seen it yet but it's GOOD! i'd give it a 4 out of 5 rating :) james franco is super hot one lah can! (LOL i can't get over learning new slang haha!) and yes, i did get teary...but only a little!!
movie over, the gang split/lost each other, and qi and i enthusiastically recommended to gloria phua, lsy, shuyi, and nick into going to big o for their one-for-one cakes on weekdays from 3-6pm coz their "count chocula" is super duper fantabulous!!! but upon being seated, we discovered no promotion today! felt so played-out! so we trooped over to the coffee bean for their kids pasta but being outdoors, we decided to make our way to the indoor one on the other side of wheelock. except for the ironic fact that we couldn't find a seat inside, they also don't have a kitchen there! diew diew diew! so we went back to the other one but....no seat!!! faint! decided to just forget about it and go to paragon instead for tori q. and when we got there, lsy and i didn't feel like tori q and were still craving pasta so we psycho-ed the others into going to coffee beans. BUT WE HAD TO SIT OUTSIDE!!! FAINT FAINT FAINT!!! IT WAS SO FREAKING HOT TOO!!! and the thing that upset me the most was the fact that there was an inconsiderate guy sitting all alone at a table for six when there were several tables available more suited to his ONE!! i got really worked up (ask gloria phua!) and he had the nerve to ignore my evil glare when he saw me! i did calm down once i was fed though :D the portion was definitely smaller than the one i had at vivo but it tasted just as good! though the bread still sucked - too damn hard!! we told nick to get some as well but he was adamant not to spoil his appetite for dinner with his friends. turns out, his dinner sucked! so of course qi (and later, i) said I TOLD YOU TO EAT BEFORE RIGHT?! and, wait for it....he replied, next time i will listen to aunties. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf???????? calling us aunties!! faint!!
and then there were four....qi, lsy, gloria phua, yours truly.
present-hunting for my parents - next week is mother's day and daddy's birthday and my sissy and i decided on a Burberry shirt for daddy and RL top for mummy. went to Burberry at paragon, didn't have the size in the style darlings and i picked out, so went to the one at taka. originally wanted to get a Burberry top for mummy too but didn't find anything she would like so went to RL instead. i'm still a little hesitant on the pink colour though....oh well! like the guy at RL said, "good luck!" (coz i wasn't sure if it was the right size and he said i could always exchange but i told him i was sending it home to Australia and hence, good luck!).
tired and feeling sick, we decided to head home (and so i could watch the 9pm ch8 drama gloria phua was telling us about). i always dread the moment we arrive at city hall and qi and i part and the long bus ride home for me. i forgot to charge my iPod so i couldn't do anything but think about (and try to remember) the events of the night before...
i was seriously not going to blog about this but then it's bothering me and it's not like it's such a big secret anymore anyway! i'm a very selfish person. there, i've admitted it to the whole world! i don't want and can't have something but i don't want anyone having it at the same time. there are numerous valid reasons why i can't have it and only one reason why i don't want it. ok make that more than one!
but i honestly don't know what i want you to do about it either. i'm not expecting anything from you or for you to do anything about it. all i know is that i'm angry but i don't know why. it's probably just the frustration of losing control and the aggravation my emotions are putting me through. so when i say i don't know, i really don't know and not because i want to piss you off coz i know how much you hate that answer. i thought i was different, i thought you would think i'm different but i guess it's all the same old shit. don't worry, the line's been drawn. maybe in another life...i've always thought, you have to kiss a few frogs but one day my prince will come but now i know that life isn't a fairy tale and i should just wake up from this fantasy and face reality head-on!
no epiphanies today. just the cold hard truth.
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