still tired...

another shitty day...

in one hour i will sign my contract.

in 2 hours i will be out for dinner with my colleagues.

at least there are things to look forward to - 1 more day left before the weekend!!!

i'm trying not to judge

i get really annoyed and irritated when i've arranged to meet up with someone and that someone calls/texts at the last minute saying that he/she can't make it. or when he/she says that they will confirm again later and....i never hear from him/her! what gets on my nerves is the fact that i've made the effort and arranged my schedule to spend time with this person. does he/she realise how inconsiderate he/she is being? how rude it is that i've put in so much energy in deciding on a place and time to meet up and that person is a no-show!

am i really that busy that i need to "fit" people in? and if i am that busy then maybe i shouldn't meet people at all?

first, i value my friendships. it's perhaps one of the things that i'm careful not to be frivolous about. even my parents complain that i put friends before family sometimes. i make time out and therefore i have to be organised about my schedules so that i can keep to my promises! my friends are also a source of comfort when i'm troubled and no matter how hectic or how crazy life gets, it's always important for me to have my friends around.

when someone isn't there for me when i need that person, when they keep cancelling on me when i've made multiple plans to meet up, and that person turns around and tells me how i'm avoiding him/her and not caring and being insensitive to him/her!

honestly, if i don't make or have any plans after work, it's a toss-up between working late or being so exhausted and drained that i just give up and go home. no matter how tired i am after a long day at work, i love meeting up with friends because they revitalise me and give me a renewed sense of perspective and energy.

every time i hit my lowest (which seems to be during the 3rd/last week of the month and is beginning to look like a monthly affair), i have wonderful friends who help me through it. and you know what? these are the friends i will treasure.

i often joke with Jason about my circle of trust but one day we seriously talked about it and i realised that in my friendships and circle of trust, there are layers: the closest of closest, those of whom i entrust all my secrets, feelings, desires...everything; acquaintances and people who have either betrayed my trust or hurt me too deeply too many times, i seem to have an "arm's length" relationship with these people. of course there are several sub-layers to these main layers but that would just take ages and ages of elaboration.

the main point to all my ranting is that, i really don't want to be a hypocrite and i don't want to judge others but when people fail me time and time again, when i'm disappointed over and over, it makes it very hard for me to look on the bright side. and that is why i always try to be punctual. and i do feel very bad when i'm late (sorry melvin and siping for having to wait so long for us last friday!).

finally, He never fails me despite everything.

secret girlie business ;)

today, JPoh and i both made sure there was enough green tea in the office fridge before we left for the day...

why? heehee...that's a secret that i'll reveal later!

i'm happy JPoh is finally back in the office today! she bought me a black clutch from HK! "to take when you go clubbing"

general feeling of blah-ness

why why why?!?!?!
i super hate this. why can't it be easy???
why is it that recently, this time of the month is just so overwhelming for me??
stupid emotions + work-related. always work-related.
i hate feeling so insecure.
the gloomy weather outside matches my mood perfectly...

i think i'm beginning to be quite the expert herbal soup maker!
today was the second time but it tastes better than the first time i made it (last week). i actually get up early on a sunday morning in order to go to the market to get the black chicken and then prepare it all and slow cook it so that when i get home in the evening it's ready for my granny and i to drink! ok, so i don't actually go choose the herbs etc but get it pre-packed so i don't hv to figure out which herbs should go into the soup.

yesterday i spent the day with friends :) lunch at the pizza place and then shopping and watching Ratatouille! the movie wasn't planned but an impulsive, spur of the moment decision.
RATATOUILLE WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i could watch it over and over again, just like any other disney and pixar productions!

friday night we had small group (instead of tuesday) and were late...apologies to melvin and siping who waited ages for us! no excuses...
and the last words i got from Qi....i won't repeat it but i won't ever forget it...

im so excited about seeing JPoh again tmr! even though it's only lunch, i can't wait!

a rare find

my favourite movie and favourite song rolled into one!

i hate the routine-ness of life!

i've been catching up a lot since i've been back from aussie trip.

that and working...

working working working.

oh and escaping working.

i got so fed-up on tuesday. and it's so tiring.

by wednesday i was on the brink of a breakdown and just took off at 6.30 -_-

so very exhausted.

oh and i've just remembered my resolution to take it easy and stress less when i get back from my trip.

so much for that...

i guess i've also been feeling pretty lonely without JPoh around :(

i need to get photos up. plenty to come!

drinks tonight @ work.

reminds me of the drinks session i had last thursday with JPoh, darren and andrew

(",)

- wink wink nudge nudge -

.....hungry....

pao and i went to lunch at this new pizza and pasta place at far east square.

yummy-licious!!

but quite expensive...i guess a little indulging here and there is ok.

their pizzas are woodfired which is the only type of pizza i totally LOVE!!!

a few things to get done this weekend.

need to re-organise my room.

more storage space needed.

and...considering a new tv =)

Amazing Grace

I'm blessed beyond words can express!
And I know that He is watching over me and that I can leave all my worries to Him.
Thank You soooo much for all You've given me dear Lord :)

hmm...good or bad??

i was re-telling the story of my unfortunate incident with the staff at Helensvale train station last year to JPoh when i heard "michelle! michelle!" coming from the other end of the office, where my boss and the new head were having meetings with various ppl in the dept.

so.....
out of this meeting i got:-
- more work that i'm taking on
- agreed to stay on permanently at the bank

anyway, i'm still trying to find myself a place in a graduate position in IB. at the earliest, i wouldn't start until a good 6 mths frm now so....pray pray pray that i get an IB grad position!!!
where at? hmm i'm not picky...either JPM, UBS, BoA, or CS ;) HAHAHAHA!!! actually i won't mind citi or hsbc either LOL!

hmm i hope i get a good pay rise....my spending seems to be getting a little out of control lately...

out the window part 2

thought i'd put the photos into a collage so its easier to upload :) and i'm still experimenting and playing around with picasa web albums!

out the window

took some photos of the views from my bedroom window, as per someone's request :)

anyway, the window faces north, looking out onto southport, labrador, runaway bay and beyond! and across the broadwater is seaworld with "the eye" (ferris wheel) and beyond seaworld is the ocean. haha.

Nickelback and chip chop

i love nickelback. i didn't realise how much i miss hearing their songs. for some reason, i dont hear/play them in singers and now that i'm back in aussie it's on the radio all the time. must remember to play more often when i return.

discovered a new label: chip chop. have fallen in love with their t-shirts, bags, everything! all because of melissa's "oui oui!" tee and plenty of chip chop sightings in melbourne shops. and lissy has been kind enough to direct me to the website where she got her "oui oui!" tee from so i too can go get some of my own :) online shopping!!!

random thoughts of the moment

i've got plenty of updates coming - with pictures too!

just got back from melbourne after spending one night on the goldie. but i'm back on the coast and it's weird that there have been some changes. not much, but just ever so subtle that i wonder, marvel, and sadly reflect that life does go on even without me around...

and after 4 days and nights spent together with my sister, we were once again snappy one second, laughing the next. mum noticed, laughed and commented how some things just never change. (oh and on the side, it's no fun travelling with a grump!)

i'm utterly exhausted - when it's 11pm and my parents are chasing us to sleep (if they're not already sleeping) and my brain is telling me that it's only 9pm in singapore, and then having to wake up at 8am in the morning (at the very latest) when it's 6am in singapore...torturous!!!

i feel so dry. my hair is splitting, my legs scaling, my face feels "tight", and my lips are cracked. moisturise, moisturise, moisturise!!!

and it's cold. so cold that i didn't want to get out of bed and leave the warmth behind. but not cold enough to justify having the heater on. and it makes sense why homes in cold countries have heaters in the bathroom...

but my worries have not left me. granny in hospital. leaving all the work to JPoh (not looking forward to her leaving it all to me when i get back and she goes on vacation). feelings and emotions. most of the time, i think that life will be better if we left emotions out of it. but a life without feelings, dreams, desires...yes, and those passionate feelings of love and happiness and hate and pain and sorrow and frustration and disappointment...is it a life worth living without them?