i'm trying not to judge

i get really annoyed and irritated when i've arranged to meet up with someone and that someone calls/texts at the last minute saying that he/she can't make it. or when he/she says that they will confirm again later and....i never hear from him/her! what gets on my nerves is the fact that i've made the effort and arranged my schedule to spend time with this person. does he/she realise how inconsiderate he/she is being? how rude it is that i've put in so much energy in deciding on a place and time to meet up and that person is a no-show!

am i really that busy that i need to "fit" people in? and if i am that busy then maybe i shouldn't meet people at all?

first, i value my friendships. it's perhaps one of the things that i'm careful not to be frivolous about. even my parents complain that i put friends before family sometimes. i make time out and therefore i have to be organised about my schedules so that i can keep to my promises! my friends are also a source of comfort when i'm troubled and no matter how hectic or how crazy life gets, it's always important for me to have my friends around.

when someone isn't there for me when i need that person, when they keep cancelling on me when i've made multiple plans to meet up, and that person turns around and tells me how i'm avoiding him/her and not caring and being insensitive to him/her!

honestly, if i don't make or have any plans after work, it's a toss-up between working late or being so exhausted and drained that i just give up and go home. no matter how tired i am after a long day at work, i love meeting up with friends because they revitalise me and give me a renewed sense of perspective and energy.

every time i hit my lowest (which seems to be during the 3rd/last week of the month and is beginning to look like a monthly affair), i have wonderful friends who help me through it. and you know what? these are the friends i will treasure.

i often joke with Jason about my circle of trust but one day we seriously talked about it and i realised that in my friendships and circle of trust, there are layers: the closest of closest, those of whom i entrust all my secrets, feelings, desires...everything; acquaintances and people who have either betrayed my trust or hurt me too deeply too many times, i seem to have an "arm's length" relationship with these people. of course there are several sub-layers to these main layers but that would just take ages and ages of elaboration.

the main point to all my ranting is that, i really don't want to be a hypocrite and i don't want to judge others but when people fail me time and time again, when i'm disappointed over and over, it makes it very hard for me to look on the bright side. and that is why i always try to be punctual. and i do feel very bad when i'm late (sorry melvin and siping for having to wait so long for us last friday!).

finally, He never fails me despite everything.