i didn't even realise that today's featured devotion is from "Moments Together for Couples".

Accepting Your Mate Unconditionally
References: -->1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.

Why is unconditional acceptance so important? Because if you accept only in part, you can love only in part. And if you love in part, your mate's self-esteem will never be complete.

Remember, "Perfect love casts out fear." A powerful picture of how love casts out fear is found in the book Welcome Home, Davey. While serving aboard a gunboat in Vietnam, Dave Roever was holding a phosphorus grenade some six inches from his face when a sniper's bullet ignited the explosive. Here he describes the first time he saw his face after the explosion:

When I looked in that mirror, I saw a monster, not a human being... My soul seemed to shrivel up and collapse in on itself, to be sucked into a black hole of despair. I was left with an indescribable and terrifying emptiness. I was alone in the way the souls in hell must feel alone.

Finally he came back to the States to meet with his young bride, Brenda. Just before she arrived, he watched a wife tell another burn victim that she wanted a divorce. Then Brenda walked in.

Showing not the slightest tremor of horror or shock, she bent down and kissed me on what was left of my face. Then she looked me in my good eye, smiled, and said, "Welcome home, Davey! I love you." To understand what that meant to me you have to know that's what she called me when we were most intimate; she would whisper "Davey," over and over in my ear.... By using her term of endearment for me, she said, You are my husband. You will always be my husband. You are still my man.

That's what marriage is all about. Marriage is another person being committed enough to you to accept the real you. It means two people working together to heal their deepest wounds.

Prayer:
That you would have the ability to love your mate unconditionally and heal his or her deepest fears and wounds.

Discuss: How has your self-esteem been strengthened by your mate's love?

i read that same verse just the other day. about God's perfect love for me. thanks Melvin for the book :) i should probably start writing my thoughts as i read the book...only 1.5 chapters but it's already forcing me to re-evaluate.

song of songs

the original datestamp on this post is 21 October 2007, 10:15pm.
but as you can see, it's now 31 October 2007, 12:45am. long overdue...

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i should have done this earlier...

but reading this now is also appropriate...especially after _____

and so, some things to consider thanks to my study bible to guide me (since i'm without small group)...



- feelings of love can create intimacy that overpowers reason. don't be in a hurry to develop an intmate relationship based on strong feelings, feelings aren't enough to support a lasting relationship. therefore, do not force romance lest the feelings of love grow faster than the commitment needed to make love last. patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together



- because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. we are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship



- as you consider marriage, don't just look for physical attractiveness in a person. look for the inner qualities that don't fade with time - spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity and sincerity



- careful communication is crucial, don't let walls come between you and your partner. take care of problems while they are still small



- little problems can disturb or destroy a relationship. it is often the "little foxes" that cause the biggest problems in marriage. these irritations must not be minimised or ignored, but identified so that together the couple can deal with them



- never let problems, conflicts, or the ravages of time ruin your ability to enjoy God's gifts. Take time to enjoy the world God has created - celebrate your joy in the creation and in your love



- when you love someone, you will do all you can to ensure the safety of that person and care for his or her needs, even at a cost to your personal comfort. this shows up most often in small actions



- communciating love and expressing admiration both in words and actions can enhance every marriage, intense feelings of love and admiration are universal



- sex without marriage is cheap; it cannot compare with the joy of giving yourself completely to the one who is totally commited to you



- sometimes the familiarity that comes with marriage causes us to forget the overwhelming feelings of love and refreshment we shared at the beginning. do you refresh your spouse or are you a burden of complaints, sorrows, and problems? we should continually work at refreshing each other by an encouraging word, an unexpected gift, a change of pace, a surprise call or note, or even a withholding of a discussion of some problem until the proper time. your spouse needs you to be a haven of refreshment because the rest of the world usually isn't


.....see all the things i have to look forward to?? i just have to be patient ;)

i'm in love with falling in love but at the same time, i also feel that he is showing me in his own way that now is not the right time for me. i get so consumed that sometimes i put falling in love before God. and i truly believe that when i learn to overcome my weaknesses, to completely and wholly love God and put him first in my life, before ALL things, then i will be ready.

and to end, a man who loves God loves his wife (: something i've learnt from my friends

be encouraged in his perfect plan in his perfect timing (",)

the Lord is faithful to all his promises

- Psalms 145:13b

he didn't see me. didn't look my way. i was standing right in front of him.

what hope?

get over it.

refocus on Him. He sees me through it all.

siao liao!

yes, the crazy 2 came out to play again last night. qi and i decided it must have been something in the fish soup we had!

last night i was late to dinner, noted by qi who announced "i'm earlier today!" followed by her characteristic laugh...yes, you know the one i'm talking about ;) the little burst of "HAHA". just that.

i'm can't remember exactly what we were psyched about but we laughed heaps. really, like, heaps.

at the moment in small group we're doing a series of "how to do bible study". at the end of it, we're supposedly going to take turns to lead. as much as the thought of leading not so small in bible study is intimidating (so much so that i might actually faint), it's really quite exciting at the same time and i have this feeling that God is preparing me to be used :)

Dreaming with a broken heart

I was on the bus, iPod on, stoning. Then I thought of that moment.
Did he see me as he walked past me?
Then came the song "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All" by Air Supply. And I wonder, am I just crushing on him and really making love out of nothing at all?
Sad, but true.
He probably doesn't even know my name...doesn't see me standing in front of him...

I'm troubled, frustrated, confused and I can't seem to share this with anyone. Not even my darlings. I've only confided in one friend, and I'm glad I'll be seeing her tmr. I have a lot of things to let out and get off my chest.

I'm praying hard and trusting in God to lead me the right way.
I told Qi and Sinyee how and why it's hard for me to be able to find love, even though it's something my heart desires. I believe I will know when it's love and not infatuation. I know God will use my friends as guides in this aspect as He has done before.
But I still carry this guilt, this heavy burden, this broken heart. And I'm scared.
I truly am dreaming with a broken heart.
Why do I still feel like a prisoner in my life of sin?
And that I'm not worthy of Endless Love?

Only 3.5 weeks until I return home and run into my mummy's arms...I need that now.

Organised!

I finally put my Filofax back to use again. For a short while, I attempted to use my O2 and Outlook to organise my very disorganised life. However, my efforts were proved futile when my O2 decided to die on me. And the Filofax has proved to be most reliable, when updated. So far, I've only managed to record my appointments, I haven't touched my finances yet (and not looking forward to doing that). I will need to be more miserly in the coming months :( which is actually much easier when I just chill/hang out with friends rather than aimless shopping (or window shopping, cos I always end up buying something).

Transformer Friday

I managed to finish all my work on time (I seriously know now that I work better under pressure and stress, even though it's not so good for my health) and rushed down to Cineleisure to meet the early birds, Siow Wei and Sinyee. Collected tickets, wandered around while waiting for Qi to arrive, then bought drinks and popcorn. Our seats were ace (",) and the movie was awesome! I loved it despite earlier doubts. Well, Nic watched it twice...must be at the very least, passable. After the movie, we met Gen (note to Gen: see! I'm nice enough to just call you GEN) and chilled at Maccas at Shaw. Plenty of laughs, as usual, and I'm glad Gen has joined our "family". We also learned an important lesson that night: flagging a taxi on Orchard Road is the fastest way to get a cab.

Dentist? Not today.

Saturday we had a plan to go to the dentist. I had been fretting a little cos I just hate going to the dentist. I mean lying paralysed on a chair while someone pokes, jabs, prods at your open mouth....and the pain and the blood... So, we got to Bishan at 1.30 and the dentist closes at 12.30 -.- so we're attempting another try the coming Saturday. Qi brought me and Gen to eat at her parent's place. SUPER NICE!!!!!! But I was so sad that I could only manage about one-quarter of my bak chor mee because it was SOOO spicy! Eeks... it made me tear :') But I loved the dumplings, have to eat it again soon... :) Afternoon, more chill time at Starbucks and shopping again... I'm seriously going bankrupt soon, really worried. I introduced Siow Wei and Sinyee to one of my favourite humour books: The Book of Bunny Suicides by Andy Riley.

An upsetting encounter at Orchard MRT, but I'm moving past it.

Blessed Sunday

Another wonderful Sunday! I got up bright and early, even though I struggled to wake up. Took Benjamin for Sunday School with Wendy. I'm really starting to get the hang of it but I'm not sure about doing it by myself. Would I be able to cope? I'm still thinking of going into main stream... Pray that He would lead me. Lunch at Fin @ Marina Square, Nicholas' suggestion, Melvin's recommendation. Fish and chips! I haven't had that since leaving Australia and although I've definitely had better, it wasn't bad at all. I'm so proud of myself that I didn't buy anything even though I was dragged once again to Zara and Mango sale. Need more days like this! :) Then we pigged out at Maccas - nuggets (26 pieces in all, shared between 4 gals), fries, Himalayan tea lattes. And that was just before Qi and Sinyee were heading over to relative's for dinner.... I went back to church for the Pastor Jen Huat's 7.30 service, he was pastor at PLMC when I attended when I was little and he still looks the same! The sermon was enriching and I enjoyed the service. It's different from the morning services, lesser people, but still so full of God's love and presence. Somehow, it feels a little more personal, more peaceful, quiet reflection.