i do treasure the bathroom trips with Joelle, a time we can both talk and vent and say what's on our minds. i poured out my anguish as she scoured her hair for.......white hair -__-
she told me to relax and calm down. i guess i needed to be told that. though she wasn't the first one who said that to me today. thanks u-know-who-u-are (:
but i guess with so many things on my mind, my temper is also suffering in this fragile state.
i know it's not your fault. i'm not being gracious and have made myself part of the problem.
so....sorry for causing you further aggravation.
i'm tired of going in and out of meetings. i'm tired of being wary of playing the game of office politics.
somebody save me from this hell they call life
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Lord, grant me peace within
that I may be sensitive towards the needs of others
fill me with your presence
that I may never feel alone
give me strength and courage to face each day
give me patience and endurance
lead me and guide me
all the days of my life and into eternity
in Jesus' most precious name I pray these
Amen.
crushed
did i do something wrong? say something wrong?
i was so excited and happy. now i'm just crushed and depressed.
is it any wonder i'm questioning my ability to make friends??
it's the closest ones that hurts the most, yet i can't distance myself from people.
it's a love-hate relationship.
why don't people listen properly? (not even carefully, just properly)
or do they not even listen to me at all and just make assumptions?
or do they not think before they say and are just careless with their words?
and your words, so harsh they break my heart, so strong they make me tear.
so, how will i spend my weekend, my days of rest?
with those who will cheer me up.
or alone.
i was so excited and happy. now i'm just crushed and depressed.
is it any wonder i'm questioning my ability to make friends??
it's the closest ones that hurts the most, yet i can't distance myself from people.
it's a love-hate relationship.
why don't people listen properly? (not even carefully, just properly)
or do they not even listen to me at all and just make assumptions?
or do they not think before they say and are just careless with their words?
and your words, so harsh they break my heart, so strong they make me tear.
so, how will i spend my weekend, my days of rest?
with those who will cheer me up.
or alone.
confession
my biggest confession in a while...
i'm scared of ending up alone. perhaps, that explains alot...about my past...
and though i know i'm not alone anymore, the fear is still there. and i know i shouldn't be fearful but....but....but....
must trust in his faithfulness.
there's alot of things i'm not ready for and i know that.
and it makes me wonder...what do i have that makes me stand out??
6 hours of sleep ahead. better start now.
i'm scared of ending up alone. perhaps, that explains alot...about my past...
and though i know i'm not alone anymore, the fear is still there. and i know i shouldn't be fearful but....but....but....
must trust in his faithfulness.
there's alot of things i'm not ready for and i know that.
and it makes me wonder...what do i have that makes me stand out??
6 hours of sleep ahead. better start now.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
simple pleasures (:
it's funny how much joy i can get from just the simple pleasures in lifeice cream, gummi bears, caramel, fudge, brownies
wonderful friendships, lots of laughs
i had a moment of pure bliss last night, as i snuggled under my doona and hugging Pooh bear
my mouth was sore from my ear-to-ear smile
my heart felt so full and happy
- all because of a simple message -
i fell alseep contented...the first in a long time
Sunday, October 07, 2007
left outside alone
since tuesday i've been struggling. i'm angry, frustrated, upset...helpless.
why do people like to complicate my life?!? and upset me?!?
and sometimes i feel so ostracised and now i'm not sure if it's my fault too...
like, i'm not sure if i'm quite sick of always having to make the effort first or i'm getting more shy...i just don't have the same knack of brazenly going up to strangers and striking up a conversation.
and everyone has their little cliques...no matter how much they try to include me, there's still this feeling....
i'm finding it so hard to make friends in singapore. it's a lot of effort and i'm too tired and overworked now to try
i guess i would need to get used to being left outside alone
why do people like to complicate my life?!? and upset me?!?
and sometimes i feel so ostracised and now i'm not sure if it's my fault too...
like, i'm not sure if i'm quite sick of always having to make the effort first or i'm getting more shy...i just don't have the same knack of brazenly going up to strangers and striking up a conversation.
and everyone has their little cliques...no matter how much they try to include me, there's still this feeling....
i'm finding it so hard to make friends in singapore. it's a lot of effort and i'm too tired and overworked now to try
i guess i would need to get used to being left outside alone
Sunday, September 30, 2007
clarity
how often do you openly share your thoughts about God and your relationship with God with your family and friends?
God's living presence in a relationship overcomes differences that might otherwise create division and disharmony.
recently i've been struggling with a lot of things. one of which was about someone. this poor person has been the source of many frustrations....feelings i didn't know existed had surfaced. yes, i've been through this before but this time it was different. some of my friends told me to just go with the flow, see what happens, don't worry so much! but i just had this feeling that it was just wrong and i thought it was wrong because of one very obvious fact (not the same wrong as lsy). but i've been praying so hard and this morning God finally opened up my mind to why i have been feeling that it's not right. because these feelings are becoming an obstacle between my relationship with God. and the freedom i felt after this clarity was just....awesome! but i also realise that maybe it's not time for me to be in a relationship right now no matter how lonely i am. i still have a lot of learning and growing up to do. "the One who really understands the longing of her heart...but no man, woman, or child can appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the ultimate Bridgegroom, Christ Jesus"
Qi has been urging me to pray about it. i don't know what she thinks about the whole situation but i guess i'm the one to blame, for bringing myself into this and creating this problem. stupid AWWW moments and just one minute spent talking to this person will always bring a smile to my face and help me solve at least some of my problems....but lately this person has said/done some things to upset me....pouring it all out to lsy last night felt like such a relief.
hmm i guess that's it for now. insomnia and late nights have been depriving me of much needed sleep and rest. and since i'm a person who has to be occupied doing something, i'm glad i'm forced to stay at home today to get some rest.
God's living presence in a relationship overcomes differences that might otherwise create division and disharmony.
recently i've been struggling with a lot of things. one of which was about someone. this poor person has been the source of many frustrations....feelings i didn't know existed had surfaced. yes, i've been through this before but this time it was different. some of my friends told me to just go with the flow, see what happens, don't worry so much! but i just had this feeling that it was just wrong and i thought it was wrong because of one very obvious fact (not the same wrong as lsy). but i've been praying so hard and this morning God finally opened up my mind to why i have been feeling that it's not right. because these feelings are becoming an obstacle between my relationship with God. and the freedom i felt after this clarity was just....awesome! but i also realise that maybe it's not time for me to be in a relationship right now no matter how lonely i am. i still have a lot of learning and growing up to do. "the One who really understands the longing of her heart...but no man, woman, or child can appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the ultimate Bridgegroom, Christ Jesus"
Qi has been urging me to pray about it. i don't know what she thinks about the whole situation but i guess i'm the one to blame, for bringing myself into this and creating this problem. stupid AWWW moments and just one minute spent talking to this person will always bring a smile to my face and help me solve at least some of my problems....but lately this person has said/done some things to upset me....pouring it all out to lsy last night felt like such a relief.
hmm i guess that's it for now. insomnia and late nights have been depriving me of much needed sleep and rest. and since i'm a person who has to be occupied doing something, i'm glad i'm forced to stay at home today to get some rest.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
AWWW
i've been bursting to tell my close friends something that happened to me on Tuesday that really made me go "AWWW" but at the same time i find it a bit hard to say cos...hmm...it's a sensitive issue. although i did tell Pao today at lunch....and it really was an "AWWW" moment right? LOL
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
a moment of reflection
it's difficult to be alone but i'm dealing with it. besides, i know i'm never alone with Him by my side :)
i was sitting on the bus the other day, feeling rather despondent when He spoke to me......
my questions answered.
still, temptation taunts at me every single second.
but i realise, that i shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying this thing i have as long as i keep my focus on Him, i will not go running astray.
lots of jumbled thoughts, bits and pieces everywhere.
i need the strength to overcome my weaknesses.
i need all the TLC i can get.
work sucks. having a weak heart sucks too.
i was sitting on the bus the other day, feeling rather despondent when He spoke to me......
my questions answered.
still, temptation taunts at me every single second.
but i realise, that i shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying this thing i have as long as i keep my focus on Him, i will not go running astray.
lots of jumbled thoughts, bits and pieces everywhere.
i need the strength to overcome my weaknesses.
i need all the TLC i can get.
work sucks. having a weak heart sucks too.
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