i made myself almost cry at work today.
and it's the silliest thing...
but those words, not even directed at me, still hurts..
because i knew, have always known, will always know
it's frustrating because i know better, but i still feel:
not worthy, and not good enough.
Monday, July 14, 2008
monday blues
confessed by
mich
at
9:10 PM
SLEEP DEPRIVED!!!!!!!!
i walked around like a zombie today. almost fell asleep on the bus, on the train, at work...
but as soon as i collapsed on my bed, the need to fall asleep disappears -_-
and guess what i had for dinner?? .... yup, MOS burger...again!!
woke up with that wretched sore throat again, which disappeared by lunch time.
but that was replaced by nauseousness that made me grateful the toilets are not far away.
my ipod is giving me the s**ts and i need to get it fixed (before hk trip).
and when i was queuing up to order my MOS, the guy in front of me left and just as i was about to step forward, this freakin' chinese (as in chee-nahhhhh) girl who was lining up at the queue beside mine barged her way in front of me!!!!!!
i mean i've heard about the inconsidereate-ness and lack of social etiquette in their country but this is singapore!!!!! hello???? when in rome....????? never heard of that one?!?!?!?!
i can't express how super duper irritated i was and it took every ounce of energy i had left in me not to snap at her or GLARE at her ;(
sigh...and since yesterday afternoon i have somehow spiralled into a depressive emo state, and i wonder what happend to the happy, confident me that had been jumping around for the last 2-3 weeks...
less than 2 more weeks...
all happiness will be mine =)
i'm counting down!
i walked around like a zombie today. almost fell asleep on the bus, on the train, at work...
but as soon as i collapsed on my bed, the need to fall asleep disappears -_-
and guess what i had for dinner?? .... yup, MOS burger...again!!
woke up with that wretched sore throat again, which disappeared by lunch time.
but that was replaced by nauseousness that made me grateful the toilets are not far away.
my ipod is giving me the s**ts and i need to get it fixed (before hk trip).
and when i was queuing up to order my MOS, the guy in front of me left and just as i was about to step forward, this freakin' chinese (as in chee-nahhhhh) girl who was lining up at the queue beside mine barged her way in front of me!!!!!!
i mean i've heard about the inconsidereate-ness and lack of social etiquette in their country but this is singapore!!!!! hello???? when in rome....????? never heard of that one?!?!?!?!
i can't express how super duper irritated i was and it took every ounce of energy i had left in me not to snap at her or GLARE at her ;(
sigh...and since yesterday afternoon i have somehow spiralled into a depressive emo state, and i wonder what happend to the happy, confident me that had been jumping around for the last 2-3 weeks...
less than 2 more weeks...
all happiness will be mine =)
i'm counting down!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
the 9th of july
confessed by
mich
at
10:50 PM
today bordered on depression.
and i wondered why...
then i remembered.
today is the 9th of july.
and i still remember.
sigh.
:'(
and i wondered why...
then i remembered.
today is the 9th of july.
and i still remember.
sigh.
:'(
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
smell whinge #2
confessed by
mich
at
11:49 PM
some people should be more considerate...
especially when watsons, guardian AND 7-11 don't sell air fresheners!!!
this close to murdering someone...
especially when watsons, guardian AND 7-11 don't sell air fresheners!!!
this close to murdering someone...
missed
confessed by
mich
at
11:30 PM
starbucks paragon.
epiphanies were made,
mysteries of life unravelled,
friendships for life built.
really have missed those times spent there.
and have had another lovely coffee session tonight!
i wonder if my crazy stories are still entertaining...??? LOL
but not emo emo music tonight! haha..
i'm still full...
but can't wait to eat my MAMEE!
hmm...
just thinking about the seasoning...
and the incident...
Monday, July 07, 2008
something to say:
confessed by
mich
at
10:31 PM
I HATE YOU!
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
ok. glad i got that out of my system.
*phew...
seriously couldn't stand the STENCH.
AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
*dead*
Friday, July 04, 2008
the Heart of the Matter
confessed by
mich
at
9:02 PM
it's friday night and i'm finally home!!!
this whole week i haven't been home before 10 =/
working late, catching up with friends... i've been so busy.
but no regrets! only wished we had more time to keep talking...
i've really been so blessed to have basked in the love and honesty of my treasured friends! :)
and now at work, i can use my own log-in and email joelle, jane and adrian all day!
oh but i've wandered away from my purpose of this post!
i started loving india.arie about 2-3 years ago
and although, this song is just a cover, but i love it just the same :)
the Heart of the Matter
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm
I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside
I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore
and perhaps, there is more reason as to why i'm loving this song... :)
this whole week i haven't been home before 10 =/
working late, catching up with friends... i've been so busy.
but no regrets! only wished we had more time to keep talking...
i've really been so blessed to have basked in the love and honesty of my treasured friends! :)
and now at work, i can use my own log-in and email joelle, jane and adrian all day!
oh but i've wandered away from my purpose of this post!
i started loving india.arie about 2-3 years ago
and although, this song is just a cover, but i love it just the same :)
the Heart of the Matter
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm
I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside
I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore
and perhaps, there is more reason as to why i'm loving this song... :)
Thursday, July 03, 2008
laughter is the best medicine!
confessed by
mich
at
12:57 AM
i made him laugh, he made me laugh...laugh so hard and so much i had tears rolling down my face!
laughed til we both, tired as we were, suddenly feeling so awake and high!
and both wishing the other goodnight...but half an hour later, we're both on msn, accusing each other of not sleeping!!
well, you better NOT breathe a word of what i revealed tonight otherwise we're BOTH dead!!!
as for that $10, i'm afraid to tell you that...you probably won't ever see it again. i'm so sorry... but it's really not my fault that you were so kind to him!
laughed til we both, tired as we were, suddenly feeling so awake and high!
and both wishing the other goodnight...but half an hour later, we're both on msn, accusing each other of not sleeping!!
well, you better NOT breathe a word of what i revealed tonight otherwise we're BOTH dead!!!
as for that $10, i'm afraid to tell you that...you probably won't ever see it again. i'm so sorry... but it's really not my fault that you were so kind to him!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
sleep
confessed by
mich
at
11:57 PM
i need sleep! i need rest!
yet it's so difficult.
i would wake in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, a habit i never used to have.
and thoughts that are both painful and hurtful would haunt me. tears would soak my pillow.
wake up early in the morning, i try to close my eyes and get more sleep. but i end up just waiting for my alarm to ring.
sigh... sleep sleep sleep. i need it so badly.
yet it's so difficult.
i would wake in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, a habit i never used to have.
and thoughts that are both painful and hurtful would haunt me. tears would soak my pillow.
wake up early in the morning, i try to close my eyes and get more sleep. but i end up just waiting for my alarm to ring.
sigh... sleep sleep sleep. i need it so badly.
the missing piece
confessed by
mich
at
12:22 AM
i'm so grateful for that short conversation we had on sunday night.
almost afraid that we weren't going to have a chance to talk at all.
but you didn't disappoint, i knew you would talk to me and you did :)
thank you, because no one else would understand as well as you...because i never told anyone what happened the last time. and it was never brought up again.
when everything resurfaced again, the hurt i felt the first time, fiona told me i needed to first forgive, only then can i let go and perhaps not be so bothered now.
i know, circumstances are different now.
i just miss having you close.
i know that if i'm wrong, or have misjudged, you would let me know too.
that even now, as my anger just gets fueled more and more, you would have the words to reason with me.
and though i feel at such a loss and burdened and weighed down with sorrow, you would only have to sigh softly and i would know that you would do anything to take away the pain.
if only you were here...
almost afraid that we weren't going to have a chance to talk at all.
but you didn't disappoint, i knew you would talk to me and you did :)
thank you, because no one else would understand as well as you...because i never told anyone what happened the last time. and it was never brought up again.
when everything resurfaced again, the hurt i felt the first time, fiona told me i needed to first forgive, only then can i let go and perhaps not be so bothered now.
i know, circumstances are different now.
i just miss having you close.
i know that if i'm wrong, or have misjudged, you would let me know too.
that even now, as my anger just gets fueled more and more, you would have the words to reason with me.
and though i feel at such a loss and burdened and weighed down with sorrow, you would only have to sigh softly and i would know that you would do anything to take away the pain.
if only you were here...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)