thoughts for the day

had lunch with mummy's very long-time friend today and it brought some perspective back into my life...

one thing that was brought up was the fact that i need to go back to australia...within the next 3 years (if i want to retain my PR or take up citizenship). at this point, i really don't know... should i or shouldn't i? i have about 1.5 years to think about it.

why 1.5 years? because my sister will graduate at that time, and then i will follow her (or she follows me). sydney? melbourne? singapore? london? new york? or....(dare i dream?!)... switzerland?!

but really, honestly, i don't know where i want to go or what i want to do...

sigh...i really feel that i have so much pressure and expectation that is put on me, because i'm my mother's daughter. feels like there is no room for failure.

but i have been really thinking, regardless of how old i feel, i'm actually still young!! i can change careers without fear, i still have confidence (or at least able to fake it), the world is my oyster!

just on the weekend, i was catching up with my BFF from uni and she was asking me if i was enjoying the single life. my answer went something like "not enjoying but accepting". but i've been thinking about it a bit and not being attached gives me freedom of choice of what i plan to do with my life. ie, i don't have to plan my life around his! and that lead to more thinking! like, i don't need to be attached. what were my reasons for getting in a relationship?! intimacy?! but then, of course, many times this year i've been reminded not to conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Rom 12:2) and for me, personally, in the area of relationships, is to honour God, which really more than anything relates to the area of physical intimacy. so, i'm really ok at this point with being single, and when the right person comes along.... prayerfully, physical intimacy will not be a hurdle too high in our relationship. if you think about it, being single is really preserving my honour too LOL. well, when i decided to take up the cross and live a life that puts God first, i knew that he had forgiven my past and accepting that forgiveness wasn't easy, i was often haunted, only too aware that being human, there was a chance that i would fall back to the old life. BUT this is a good reminder for me and my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ and all my friends in sg and au that perhaps we should take a step back and re-evaluate what relationships are really meant to be (forever or right now?), WHY we're in the relationship (if we are) and ask, is your relationship Christ-centered? (which doesn't just mean that you pray together or do devotions together or go to church together or serve in ministry together... does your WHOLE relationship glorify God? or would you hide like adam and eve?) BUT above all, what i have learnt is to seek the love of a forgiving father.

anyways, this is as much as i can get out right now... am very tired and sleepy! but i've made it past mid-week and God has granted me lots of strength and energy :) don't feel as tired as easily and quickly! 2 more days til the weekend! hope to spend lots of time with all my friends! have people i want to catch up with and spend lots of time with before they leave me again ;) oh! and Christine will be in HK same time as me! wow, another friend there! it's gonna be one crazy holiday and i absolutely can't wait!!!