Praise God in ALL circumstances!

Today has been really difficult (I'm not exaggerating).
Simply put: tearful.
And yet, through it all, the pains and hurts and struggles and self-doubt, He is by my side.
Praise God!
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I am certain that He will carry me through!

I'm so glad that I made it to small group :) even if it's for the last few minutes.
I feel so very blessed to have you all in my life!

Thank you!

And thank you for being there for me, I'm really grateful to have you :)

I am reminded that God answers all my prayers!
Lead me Lord, I pray, though I can't see past the present, that I will lean not on my own understanding but that You will make all my paths straight! In everything I do, that I may seek to glorify You Lord. And change my heart, that I would always remember what You would want me to do. I ask all these in Your Son's most precious name, Amen!

why?

why do i take things so personally?
a casual remark
a comment made jokingly

maybe it's because i'm already broken

thank you Fiona for your prayer...
i will seek and i will find with the Lord by my side

i'm shutting the door...and then it will be too late

i'm not good enough anyway..
i feel like dying. so happy and yet so sad.
it's tearing me apart, my heart ripped to shreds.
these emotions, suffocating me, slowly killing me, from the inside out.
one day up, the next day down...LOTLC...what a joke.
where to now? i need to move forward. mf can go ________

Lord, help me, give me strength, see me through the long days and longer nights...my tower of refuge, be the comfort i seek.
Your love never fails...

im such a spoilt brat!

TENDER MERCIES

by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Genesis 41:41-46

Pharaoh swept his hand out wide, so as to include all that vast land of Egypt, and said, "It's all yours, Joseph." Then he took off his signet ring and put it on Joseph's hand.

You know what that ring signified, don't you? It was the platinum charge card of that day. It was the way the king stamped the invoices, the laws, or anything else he wanted to verify or validate with his seal. Now Joseph had that ring on his finger, placed there by the Pharaoh himself. Joseph wore the authority of the king's imprint.

Joseph's Cinderella-like promotion was incredible. But when God determines the time is right, that's the way He operates.

When the reward comes, thank God without pride. Only God can bring you through and out of the dungeon. Only God can reward you for your faithfulness. If He has, be grateful, not proud. Remember, with humility, that it is God who has put you there.

Some of you are on the verge of promotion and you don't even know it, because God doesn't announce His appointments in advance. What you have to do, while you wait, is to believe His promises. While in the darkness of your dungeon, by faith, trust him to bring the light of a new dawn. In the winter of your discontent, believe there'll be a spring.

The God of Joseph will stay beside us during the dungeon days; He will not forsake or forget us. He will be there during the blast of the winter storm, holding out the promise of springtime. He will be there through the darkest night, quietly reminding us of the promise of morning light.

Joseph learned that a broken and contrite heart is not the end, but the beginning. Bruised and crushed by the blows of disappointment and unrealized dreams, he discovered that God had never left his side. When the affliction ended, he had been refined, and he came forth as gold. He had become a person of greater stability, of deeper quality, of stronger character. God's promises are just as much for us as they were for Joseph. His grace is still at work. His tender mercies accompany us from the pit to the pinnacle.

A Broken Spirit

Abby chose this song for worship today at SHW.

A Broken Spirit

A broken spirit and a contrite heart

You will not despise, You will not despise

You desire truth, in the inward parts

A broken spirit and a contrite heart

Lord my heart is prone to wander

Prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it

Seal it for Your courts above

Lord I pray that You will continue to guard my heart,

that i will not conform to the expectations of this world

instead that i seek to glorify You in all that I do

and to wait on Your plan for me.

I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

wanting to see...

girls, the last movie we went to see together was quite some time ago! we need to go soon ;) ah gen ah gen....u always watch movie with JT, forget about us already right? :p

i missed so many good movies in Aussie...

• Love In The Time Of Cholera
• 27 Dresses
• American Gangster
• Charlie Wilson's War
• The Kite Runner
• P.S. I Love You
• Reservation Road
• Fool's Gold
• Cloverfield
• Sweeney Todd
• The Assassination of Jesse James

and i'm sure there will be more to come!

worry warts

one of the things i remember of my first days in Australia was falling in love with Morris Gleitzman.

we lived in a suburb that was halfway between Brisbane and the Gold Coast, which translated to a half an hour car ride to school. so, my sister and i spent a lot of time in the library. we would go to the library after school and wait whenever my parents were unable to pick us up on time or if either of us had after school activities. i loved the library. there were several cosy corners and my favourite spot was in the fiction section where there were big cushions and a comfortable rug, surrounded by bookshelves filled with books - a perfect escape! the school librarian was a really nice lady and since i became a familiar face who loved to read (and i read fast too!), she started recommending me books. one day she asked if i had read any books by Australian authors and handed me "misery guts" by Morris Gleitzman. that got me started on his collection and i loved it cos it was humourous and unlike any book i had read at that time. and after reading "wicked" by Paul Jennings and Morris Gleitzman, i also got on to Paul Jennings books.

anyway the whole point of this reminscening was because one of his books was called "worry warts". seems like a whole lifetime ago...

i've been worrying a lot lately. so many problems and no solution.
but i've started committing all my fears and insecurities to the Lord and came across this verse today:
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

i'm reminded once again to trust in Him....

Trust in the Lord...and He will make your paths straight

i struggle to find the words to really describe what i've been through the past few days...
in a word, it's FEAR. another sleepless night, as soon as i fell asleep, i'm awake again. it started getting bright outside and im staring at the ceiling, my eyes hurting from lack of rest. it really hurts me that i might have made you sad. i want to do what is right, but i've been afraid that i have let my guard down. i need to seek You, Lord, and do what is right in Your eyes. so i went to Our Daily Bread and when i read today's (technically, it was yesterday's) passage, something just spoke to me.

Psalm 31
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;

let me never be put to shame;

deliver me in your righteousness.

2 Turn your ear to me,

come quickly to my rescue;

be my rock of refuge,

a strong fortress to save me.

3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,

for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,

for you are my refuge.

5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;

redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;

I trust in the LORD.

7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,

for you saw my affliction

and knew the anguish of my soul.

8 You have not handed me over to the enemy

but have set my feet in a spacious place.

then i remembered what TYQ told me yesterday: WWJWMTD - what would Jesus want me to do? i forgot for awhile to make that my priority. and then suddenly i remembered:
Luke 10:27
He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind"; and, "Love your neighbour as yourself".
Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

digression: could this be what we talked about 2 weeks ago in BMC? Psalm 119:11 - what do we think this means and why should we hide His Word in our hearts?

and the tears that came were not of sadness or being disappointed, but of humbled realisation that He is always there, not just a phone call away (cos sometimes phone calls go unanswered... but that's another topic altoghether *ahem tyq*) but something more powerful - just a simple prayer.

i have so much more to focus on, i have indeed taken on alot this year but i also need to continue growing in my walk - Hebrews 5:12-14. for one, going to services are very important and i need to make an effort in a world where time is never enough.

January is all about struggles

haven't had time to blog anything....
started a dozen posts, but it never got finished.
been really consumed by my problems, been really busy and i think Qi put it best by saying that i should slow down, maybe take some time off certain areas, otherwise my walk will suffer.
and it really has suffered. how much time have i spent on QT? tomorrow's lesson will be on QT and i had to face some tough questions.
so i know i have to let some things go, it's not going to be easy but i've come to realise that i'm not superwoman and that i really have to lean hard and trust in the Lord to see me through this time.

i've been praying so hard for guidance at work, i've got all my support groups helping me out too. i guess i've really been depressed about the things said to me, discouraged and my spirit broken down. i really didn't know what to do, just simply at a loss. realised that i no longer had a grip on my life, that i had no control and that i had to just surrender and commit it all into His hands. i really just broke down on Wednesday, no more fighting, the strong front was gone, the wall torn down. and i really cried out in my helplessness, to the One who is greater than any worries in my life. i think, i've been trying to be in control so much that i've neglected the path i'm supposed to walk, that i had to go through the pain and suffering to come back to Him, to surrender everything to Him. what is His plan for me?

yes...surrender all to Him. such a big theme lately.

but thank you, those who have been there for me every single second. i've only just come to realise how much you do care and i'm touched beyond words can express.

i mentioned that lately i just feel like shutting down emotionally. it was getting too confusing and perhaps, maybe, i just couldn't handle it with everything else. this has really been on my mind.

so much has happened, just in the last 24 hours alone.
i don't know anything anymore. just pray and pray.
i felt Melvin's frustration at me. and i know i need to surrender and commit it to Him. i have.
when you told me what i have been asking about, i started to cry. it just seemed to much to hope for but...i felt happiness but there was hesitation. i have so many questions and no answers. i don't know what the next step should be. it feels right and wrong at the same time. but it really was something i had struggled for so long. i'm not sure if it's just loneliness but somewhere along the way, you have touched my heart in a way nobody has in a long time. i thought this hurdle had been overcome but maybe it was just your coldness that had hardened my heart. but this week, when i had come face to face with issues that broke me down, and you were there, i started to melt away again. i don't want you to stop caring about me...is that selfish of me?

it's 7.40pm

....and i've just reached my 12th hour in the office....tired...need to go home soon...
i feel so guilty cos i had 3 subway cookies this afternoon!
i'm tired and depressed. and i feel all alone because YOU have left me...

hmm...this isn't the ideal first post of the new year but...
there's alot going on right now, i am starting to feel that maybe i cannot handle everything. but i must persevere and banish these negative thoughts!
i don't know what to do and i don't know who to turn to...

at least some things have been sorted, will elaborate later.

it's terrible starting a new year on such a depressing note...ok not everything has been depressing...but the biggest burden weighing me down is depressing. it's causing me to add more stress to myself! i have no appetite, i just don't even want to eat, which is a very rare phenomenon. i didn't eat much yesterday, and i haven't eaten today. lunch time is approaching but it looks like i will be stuck in the office. but i really don't feel like eating...even though my stomach hurts, but my heart hurts more. (and it's not because of certain issues i HAD...that's been settled.) seems like all the stress and pressure and not knowing what to do or if changing is a better option is just making me so distressed and depressed and hence all the depression just makes my heart ache...