if i had less than 2 years left in Singapore, what will i do with those 2 years?
if i deepen my relationships, would it be harder to leave?
if i heck care, would i be miserably lonely from now til then?
i wonder what is God's will and plan for me.......
but you know what NY means right....Parsons for my dear darling and Stern all the way for me...then then, perhaps some room for my dream...UN headquarters and one step closer to Africa...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Keep my focus on Him & all will be well with my soul
confessed by
mich
at
8:46 PM
i find the truth in your Word.
my strength comes from you alone.
my brokeness is healed in you.
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
my strength comes from you alone.
my brokeness is healed in you.
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
the week that was
confessed by
mich
at
10:23 AM
what a memorable SLEEP DEPRIVED week it has been.
(should have gone for lecture this morning but i woke up, thought seriously hard about whether i needed sleep more, and decided that i DO need the sleep)
MONDAY
must've been because of sunday...
i just didn't want to be alone.
yet, alone i was.
so i called up my sister and they were at a family friend's house for dinner.
how i've missed Joan's cooking! she's super creative with food and makes the most delicious food.
that's what i really learnt in AussieLand: to take pride in preparing food for others! LOL
it really is an art in itself the way you present the food. and adding little twists to simple food that will put your personal signature on the dish.
anyway, enough about food, it's making me hungry!
(should have gone for lecture this morning but i woke up, thought seriously hard about whether i needed sleep more, and decided that i DO need the sleep)
MONDAY
must've been because of sunday...
i just didn't want to be alone.
yet, alone i was.
so i called up my sister and they were at a family friend's house for dinner.
how i've missed Joan's cooking! she's super creative with food and makes the most delicious food.
that's what i really learnt in AussieLand: to take pride in preparing food for others! LOL
it really is an art in itself the way you present the food. and adding little twists to simple food that will put your personal signature on the dish.
anyway, enough about food, it's making me hungry!
who is interested in watching We Will Rock You, showing from 28 March to 13 April at Esplanade Theatre???
Thursday, February 21, 2008
FRUSTRATED
confessed by
mich
at
9:26 AM
how i'm struggling....
struggling to find a career that will challenge me.
something that will ignite passion, make my brain cells work...
something to give me reason to go to work each day.
how mundane, how boring, how operational.
i feel like i'm dying here :(
struggling to find a career that will challenge me.
something that will ignite passion, make my brain cells work...
something to give me reason to go to work each day.
how mundane, how boring, how operational.
i feel like i'm dying here :(
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
confessed by
mich
at
10:55 AM
Because He Said So
Rachel Olsen
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.” 2 John 1:6 A (NIV)
Devotion:
Is there a summer camp for kids destined to become lawyers? If so, I’m ready to sign my daughter up. No, I’m kidding. I love her dearly but she can wear me out with all her questions and challenges. She is a pre-teen now but this started years ago.
About the time she turned four, she had been out past bedtime at an event with her father. She’s an extrovert so being out late around lots of other people had her really wound up and talking non-stop on the way home. The more she talked, the more animated she became. Finally my husband said, “No more words, honey, we’re going to be quiet for the rest of the ride home.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it’s late and you are tired, and you need to let your body wind down and rest.”
“I’m not tired at all,” she insisted.
“You don’t realize it but you are very tired; its past bedtime and you need to settle down.”
After a moment of silence she said very matter-of-factly, “You can’t know how I’m feeling.”
My husband, who has a Ph.D. in communication, came through the front door saying, “Our preschooler just out reasoned me!”
She wants to understand our plans, motives, and reasons for everything. If she doesn’t understand the logic of something she has a hard time accepting it. She loves us and truly wants to please us, but she wants to know why before she obeys. She’s usually very obedient, once she’s heard our reasons. Nonetheless, in response to her questions I’m sometimes tempted to use that infamous parental phrase: “Because I said so!”
I wonder if God ever wants to use that phrase with me?
I sometimes challenge His rules. Do not murder – check. Do not take the Lord’s name in vain – got it. Honor your father and mother – OK. Do not gossip – hum, not even in the form of a prayer request? Do not lie – you mean, not ever? Do not envy – is this even possible?
Other times I question His ways. Can’t You just feed the poor by making crops grow? Why do unbelieving drug addicts conceive babies, but my own girlfriend who follows You cannot? Why didn’t You give me more organizational skills if You were going to have me marry this man and do this job? … Are you sure You got the formula right when You made me?
God is infinitely more patient a parent than I am, and He is abounding in grace and love. He can easily handle all my questions without exasperation. But I wonder if He wishes I would just simply trust and obey – just because He is God. I know I wish I would!
The scriptures say: “Do what your king commands; you gave a sacred oath of obedience. Don't worryingly second-guess your orders or try to back out when the task is unpleasant. You're serving his pleasure, not yours. The king has the last word. Who dares say to him, "What are you doing?" Carrying out orders won't hurt you a bit; the wise person obeys promptly and accurately.” (Ecclesiastes 8:2-5, MSG). I want to be that wise person.
The Bible further assures me of His capable hands and creative purposes saying: “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?” (Romans 9:20-21, NIV). Yes, He certainly does. I want to be the fancy pot but I have to trust I will find the greatest joy when I accept the purposes He’s designed me for.
So my goal today is not to question God but simply to trust and obey... even if I don’t understand why and even if it’s hard to do. I will accept the way that I am made and the plans that He has set before me. Yes, I know I can take all my questions to the Lord and He will lovingly sift through them, but today I want to obey His commands in swift, willing obedience – just because He said so.
Dear Lord, help me to show my love for You and others by knowing Your commands and obeying them. Give me the mind and attitude of Christ today and help be a woman who says “yes” to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Rachel Olsen
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.” 2 John 1:6 A (NIV)
Devotion:
Is there a summer camp for kids destined to become lawyers? If so, I’m ready to sign my daughter up. No, I’m kidding. I love her dearly but she can wear me out with all her questions and challenges. She is a pre-teen now but this started years ago.
About the time she turned four, she had been out past bedtime at an event with her father. She’s an extrovert so being out late around lots of other people had her really wound up and talking non-stop on the way home. The more she talked, the more animated she became. Finally my husband said, “No more words, honey, we’re going to be quiet for the rest of the ride home.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it’s late and you are tired, and you need to let your body wind down and rest.”
“I’m not tired at all,” she insisted.
“You don’t realize it but you are very tired; its past bedtime and you need to settle down.”
After a moment of silence she said very matter-of-factly, “You can’t know how I’m feeling.”
My husband, who has a Ph.D. in communication, came through the front door saying, “Our preschooler just out reasoned me!”
She wants to understand our plans, motives, and reasons for everything. If she doesn’t understand the logic of something she has a hard time accepting it. She loves us and truly wants to please us, but she wants to know why before she obeys. She’s usually very obedient, once she’s heard our reasons. Nonetheless, in response to her questions I’m sometimes tempted to use that infamous parental phrase: “Because I said so!”
I wonder if God ever wants to use that phrase with me?
I sometimes challenge His rules. Do not murder – check. Do not take the Lord’s name in vain – got it. Honor your father and mother – OK. Do not gossip – hum, not even in the form of a prayer request? Do not lie – you mean, not ever? Do not envy – is this even possible?
Other times I question His ways. Can’t You just feed the poor by making crops grow? Why do unbelieving drug addicts conceive babies, but my own girlfriend who follows You cannot? Why didn’t You give me more organizational skills if You were going to have me marry this man and do this job? … Are you sure You got the formula right when You made me?
God is infinitely more patient a parent than I am, and He is abounding in grace and love. He can easily handle all my questions without exasperation. But I wonder if He wishes I would just simply trust and obey – just because He is God. I know I wish I would!
The scriptures say: “Do what your king commands; you gave a sacred oath of obedience. Don't worryingly second-guess your orders or try to back out when the task is unpleasant. You're serving his pleasure, not yours. The king has the last word. Who dares say to him, "What are you doing?" Carrying out orders won't hurt you a bit; the wise person obeys promptly and accurately.” (Ecclesiastes 8:2-5, MSG). I want to be that wise person.
The Bible further assures me of His capable hands and creative purposes saying: “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?” (Romans 9:20-21, NIV). Yes, He certainly does. I want to be the fancy pot but I have to trust I will find the greatest joy when I accept the purposes He’s designed me for.
So my goal today is not to question God but simply to trust and obey... even if I don’t understand why and even if it’s hard to do. I will accept the way that I am made and the plans that He has set before me. Yes, I know I can take all my questions to the Lord and He will lovingly sift through them, but today I want to obey His commands in swift, willing obedience – just because He said so.
Dear Lord, help me to show my love for You and others by knowing Your commands and obeying them. Give me the mind and attitude of Christ today and help be a woman who says “yes” to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Write out a declaration of intention to obey God at all costs. Pray and ask God to help you grow in obedience.
Reflections:
Have you been challenging the Lord lately about the way He made you? Or the task He has set before you?
Are there commands that you are struggling with obeying right now?
Will you leave this place of questioning and doubt and move forward in obedience?
Power Verses:
Romans 6:16, “Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey--whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” (NIV)
2 Corinthians 9:13, “Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.” (NIV)
Write out a declaration of intention to obey God at all costs. Pray and ask God to help you grow in obedience.
Reflections:
Have you been challenging the Lord lately about the way He made you? Or the task He has set before you?
Are there commands that you are struggling with obeying right now?
Will you leave this place of questioning and doubt and move forward in obedience?
Power Verses:
Romans 6:16, “Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey--whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” (NIV)
2 Corinthians 9:13, “Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.” (NIV)
It's really been driving me crazy....the last few weeks I've been faced with difficult decisions and yet I do hear God speaking, through devotions, bmc discussions, readings, friends....
The last lesson of SHW, Esther spoke about spiritual shortcuts. i wonder if i'm taking a shortcut now...that by holding on to what may not be mine to keep, just for a moment's bliss, i'm taking a shortcut rather than trusting, leaning, having faith and clinging on to God's faithfulness and his promises.
God knows...how much I long to go back home, to feel the heat of the scorching sun and the soothing coolness of the summer breeze...to hear the waves lapping softly against the sandy shores...to smell the saltiness of the fresh sea air...to float in the sparkling blue sea and feel completely at peace, away from this cruel world. back home, to my mother's hugs...to my sister's consistent chatter...to my dad's "hmmm"s and when he laughs at me...to feel loved, not to be forgotten. back to where i belong, cruising along the highway with music blasting and my girls screaming the words we know so well in horrible off-key notes...breakfasting with new friends in quaint, overpriced cafes perfectly planted along the beach...to shop without having to fight the jostling crowds...to lie on grassy parks, watching the stars as they twinkle and shine...to indulge in Baskin Robbins ice cream on alfresco seating in the middle of a freezing winter night, to feel like i'm home and i belong.
There are many times over the past year where I've cried out to God, asking him why he has taken me from home and brought me here, where "home" feels so hostile and love only comes from God.
it's horribly painful, thinking you're never good enough, questioning why people would want to build relationships with you. i've struggled with this before....a long time ago.... but instead of relying on my own strength to pull me out of this hole, i need to look to God.
2 weeks ago in bmc discussion was around the topic of obedience.
and the ultimate example of obedience is found in Jesus. obedience is not easy, Jesus had to suffer so much for us by dying on the cross and rising again. and it wasn't easy, but Jesus prayed that "Your will be done" and this comes from love. indeed, love for God should create a strong desire to obey Him and his commands.
and just like parents warning their child about the dangers of the world, so does God. there is a reason for obeying your parents and God - consequences that are yet unseen. God is all-knowing and his understanding is infinitely bigger than ours! He knows what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year, forever...and why should we rely on ourselves and take the long, windy, dangerous road when we can just obey and God will make our paths straight?!
And because He loved me first, because He loved me when everyone else turned their backs, because i've received his mercy and grace, i will stop running. just as jonah couldn't keep running forever, i will stop and obey. it will probably hurt like hell but i will always have Him.
someone precious said to me, "even Jesus needed time to be alone and pray to the Father, away from everyone and everything else" and so, i'm embarking on a journey. nowhere far. not for long. time is precious and distance is a problem. and going home is impossible. but this precious friend gave me good advice, and i've meditated and i believe that i'm ready. this is a journey that must be done, to seek him and to find some purpose and reason amongst the chaos. just one day to find some quiet and gain some perspective. tomorrow is a new day. and of new beginnings.
i need his guidance so desperately..............
Monday, February 18, 2008
confessed by
mich
at
9:16 PM
was yesterday a dream? if it was, i never want to wake up again...
why is it that everytime i find some little joy and happiness, it gets devoured by pain in a blink of an eye?
why is it that everytime i find some little joy and happiness, it gets devoured by pain in a blink of an eye?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
LOVE today
confessed by
mich
at
3:10 PM
something i asked myself yesterday: do i show the people i love that i do love them?
just random bits and pieces from my QT...
what is love?
The world is desperate for love. But often we misunderstand the meaning of true love. So we use the word love very casually: I love pizza. I love my Honda. I love my baby.
i distinctly remember this sonnet by Shakespeare from my high school days...think in grade 10...
To find the meaning of true love, we have to go back to the Word of God because God Himself is love. The word agape is one of the rarest words in the ancient Greek language and literature, but it's commonly used in the New Testament.
Unlike our English word love, agape never refers to romantic feelings or sexual love. It doesn't refer to brotherly love or having warm feelings about someone or something.
Real love-agape love-is a God-quality. We don't have it naturally. We have to have God in our lives to have agape love.
Someone has said that genuine love is totally giving of ourselves to meet the needs of others, without expecting anything in return. It's easy sometimes to meet the needs of another person, but often we have a hidden desire for that love to be reciprocated. We're serving so that we will receive in return. But genuine love doesn't expect anything in return.
Romans 5 tells us that when we were powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. When we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son. God loved us not because we deserved it, but just because He is love.
Jesus came to help us see what the love of God looks like. Jesus is God Incarnate, God in the flesh. John 13 tells us that "having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end" (v. 1). He loved them to the full extent of love. And how did He demonstrate His love? He got down and washed the disciples' feet.
Love is selfless, humble service to meet the needs of another person, no matter how lowly or menial that service may seem-and no matter how undeserving is the recipient of that love. Scripture tells us this kind of love ought to be the supreme characteristic of the people of God. In fact, Jesus said, "That's how people will know that you belong to Me" (John 13:34-35).
So THIS is love, I thought.
I was only about nine years old at the time, but I just KNEW that I was experiencing real love when I gazed at my first crush. He was a good church boy with blond hair and brown eyes. I don't remember his name now, but at the time I just "knew" it was written on my heart.
A few years later, seasons and feelings had changed and another church boy caught my attention. He was new to our congregation and a year older than me. And when he sang a duet with his older sister in our Sunday evening service, I was hooked.
I would pine away for this boy 'til we were both in high school. And finally, FINALLY, when I was 15, he asked me out.
Real love? Hardly. It was infatuation all the way. And I ended things with him a few months later when I got "tired" of him. I did more of this with other young men as the years flew by, usually as preemptive strikes so that I would never get hurt.
See the pattern? Well, fast forward a couple of decades to last year when my tried-and-true method didn't work out so well for me. I got dumped first! And I never saw it coming. I was pursued, wined and dined and showered with gifts. But these outward actions were not very tell-tale of what was going on internally with my suitor. It was all a whirlwind act that couldn't last more than a couple of months, and it didn't.
I was crushed. Hurt beyond measure. But by what? By real love gone wrong? Not really. There was no love there-just selfish desires connecting two emotionally unhealthy and hurting people for a short while.
It took this dumping for me to finally wake up and see how I had been treating others for all of these years. I only stayed in a relationship until I got what I wanted, and then I was out. This is and was not love. It's not what I'm getting out of a relationship. It's about my will, my choice to love others and give of myself even when I don't want to and it hurts.
The Lord wants us all to see what real love is and that it requires great sacrifice and that it does hurt and make us uncomfortable to love in the way he has loved us. In short, real love is this: A Savior, who became a man and died for the sins of you and me and the rest of the world.
May we all be encouraged to open our hearts, sacrifice and show real love toward one another because He first loved us..
just random bits and pieces from my QT...
what is love?
The world is desperate for love. But often we misunderstand the meaning of true love. So we use the word love very casually: I love pizza. I love my Honda. I love my baby.
i distinctly remember this sonnet by Shakespeare from my high school days...think in grade 10...
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
To find the meaning of true love, we have to go back to the Word of God because God Himself is love. The word agape is one of the rarest words in the ancient Greek language and literature, but it's commonly used in the New Testament.
Unlike our English word love, agape never refers to romantic feelings or sexual love. It doesn't refer to brotherly love or having warm feelings about someone or something.
Real love-agape love-is a God-quality. We don't have it naturally. We have to have God in our lives to have agape love.
Someone has said that genuine love is totally giving of ourselves to meet the needs of others, without expecting anything in return. It's easy sometimes to meet the needs of another person, but often we have a hidden desire for that love to be reciprocated. We're serving so that we will receive in return. But genuine love doesn't expect anything in return.
Romans 5 tells us that when we were powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. When we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son. God loved us not because we deserved it, but just because He is love.
Jesus came to help us see what the love of God looks like. Jesus is God Incarnate, God in the flesh. John 13 tells us that "having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end" (v. 1). He loved them to the full extent of love. And how did He demonstrate His love? He got down and washed the disciples' feet.
Love is selfless, humble service to meet the needs of another person, no matter how lowly or menial that service may seem-and no matter how undeserving is the recipient of that love. Scripture tells us this kind of love ought to be the supreme characteristic of the people of God. In fact, Jesus said, "That's how people will know that you belong to Me" (John 13:34-35).
--------------------------------------------
Real Love Hurts
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16, NIV
So THIS is love, I thought.
I was only about nine years old at the time, but I just KNEW that I was experiencing real love when I gazed at my first crush. He was a good church boy with blond hair and brown eyes. I don't remember his name now, but at the time I just "knew" it was written on my heart.
A few years later, seasons and feelings had changed and another church boy caught my attention. He was new to our congregation and a year older than me. And when he sang a duet with his older sister in our Sunday evening service, I was hooked.
I would pine away for this boy 'til we were both in high school. And finally, FINALLY, when I was 15, he asked me out.
Real love? Hardly. It was infatuation all the way. And I ended things with him a few months later when I got "tired" of him. I did more of this with other young men as the years flew by, usually as preemptive strikes so that I would never get hurt.
See the pattern? Well, fast forward a couple of decades to last year when my tried-and-true method didn't work out so well for me. I got dumped first! And I never saw it coming. I was pursued, wined and dined and showered with gifts. But these outward actions were not very tell-tale of what was going on internally with my suitor. It was all a whirlwind act that couldn't last more than a couple of months, and it didn't.
I was crushed. Hurt beyond measure. But by what? By real love gone wrong? Not really. There was no love there-just selfish desires connecting two emotionally unhealthy and hurting people for a short while.
It took this dumping for me to finally wake up and see how I had been treating others for all of these years. I only stayed in a relationship until I got what I wanted, and then I was out. This is and was not love. It's not what I'm getting out of a relationship. It's about my will, my choice to love others and give of myself even when I don't want to and it hurts.
The Lord wants us all to see what real love is and that it requires great sacrifice and that it does hurt and make us uncomfortable to love in the way he has loved us. In short, real love is this: A Savior, who became a man and died for the sins of you and me and the rest of the world.
May we all be encouraged to open our hearts, sacrifice and show real love toward one another because He first loved us..
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
confessed by
mich
at
2:03 PM
3 weeks and 2 days until my baptism...
It's been quite a journey, only 6.5 weeks and it feels more like 6 months.
So much has happened, the trials and challenges faced, the days where I just didn't want to wake up anymore.
But I believe in His faithfulness, He never fails :)
Dear Lord,
Help me to trust in You when life doesn’t make any sense.
To know that You love me unconditionally and are always there to carry my burdens.
Remind me to seek you first when trials and challenges come my way and to recognize Your faithfulness and goodness throughout my journey in life.
In Jesus name I pray all these...
Amen.
It's been quite a journey, only 6.5 weeks and it feels more like 6 months.
So much has happened, the trials and challenges faced, the days where I just didn't want to wake up anymore.
But I believe in His faithfulness, He never fails :)
Dear Lord,
Help me to trust in You when life doesn’t make any sense.
To know that You love me unconditionally and are always there to carry my burdens.
Remind me to seek you first when trials and challenges come my way and to recognize Your faithfulness and goodness throughout my journey in life.
In Jesus name I pray all these...
Amen.
Monday, February 11, 2008
bittersweet
confessed by
mich
at
5:10 PM
no major hiccups today, everything seems to be going smoothly.
i had lunch with the whole group, done all the must-do stuff, now moving on to extra stuff -.-
but i think im going crazy...i really need to keep myself busy.
a few minutes of happines = a few hours of agony
it's a good thing that i don't have too much work today.
will leave early, spend more time with myself...need to get used to it
i find myself staring blankly at my computer screen, trying to forget the words that stung, fighting back the tears that are welling up, wishing that sleep will come easily tonight...
i really don't want to think so much, don't want to read into what was said
how quickly the tides change....
i had lunch with the whole group, done all the must-do stuff, now moving on to extra stuff -.-
but i think im going crazy...i really need to keep myself busy.
a few minutes of happines = a few hours of agony
it's a good thing that i don't have too much work today.
will leave early, spend more time with myself...need to get used to it
i find myself staring blankly at my computer screen, trying to forget the words that stung, fighting back the tears that are welling up, wishing that sleep will come easily tonight...
i really don't want to think so much, don't want to read into what was said
how quickly the tides change....
confessed by
mich
at
10:35 AM
i didn't even realise that today's featured devotion is from "Moments Together for Couples".
Accepting Your Mate Unconditionally
References: -->1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.
References: -->1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.
Why is unconditional acceptance so important? Because if you accept only in part, you can love only in part. And if you love in part, your mate's self-esteem will never be complete.
Remember, "Perfect love casts out fear." A powerful picture of how love casts out fear is found in the book Welcome Home, Davey. While serving aboard a gunboat in Vietnam, Dave Roever was holding a phosphorus grenade some six inches from his face when a sniper's bullet ignited the explosive. Here he describes the first time he saw his face after the explosion:
When I looked in that mirror, I saw a monster, not a human being... My soul seemed to shrivel up and collapse in on itself, to be sucked into a black hole of despair. I was left with an indescribable and terrifying emptiness. I was alone in the way the souls in hell must feel alone.
Finally he came back to the States to meet with his young bride, Brenda. Just before she arrived, he watched a wife tell another burn victim that she wanted a divorce. Then Brenda walked in.
Showing not the slightest tremor of horror or shock, she bent down and kissed me on what was left of my face. Then she looked me in my good eye, smiled, and said, "Welcome home, Davey! I love you." To understand what that meant to me you have to know that's what she called me when we were most intimate; she would whisper "Davey," over and over in my ear.... By using her term of endearment for me, she said, You are my husband. You will always be my husband. You are still my man.
That's what marriage is all about. Marriage is another person being committed enough to you to accept the real you. It means two people working together to heal their deepest wounds.
Prayer:
That you would have the ability to love your mate unconditionally and heal his or her deepest fears and wounds.
Discuss: How has your self-esteem been strengthened by your mate's love?
i read that same verse just the other day. about God's perfect love for me. thanks Melvin for the book :) i should probably start writing my thoughts as i read the book...only 1.5 chapters but it's already forcing me to re-evaluate.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
precious moments
confessed by
mich
at
11:05 AM
i didn't want to blog this. i wanted to lock it up in my treasure chest of precious memories, to keep it all for myself. but i'm afraid that i might forget...
i've never felt more loved, never felt more happiness mixed in with a rojak of sadness and frustration and pain, than those moments in the last two days. day and night that i didn't want to come to an end. yes, i wish it was possible to fly away, somewhere far away... but reality calls me back. and i know that it's clear, that God has been speaking. i just didn't want to listen, blinded by my own selfishness.
a phone call this morning called me back to reality, reminding me not to lean on my own understanding. but i want to savour those precious memories...the happiness and fullness of my heart, physically exhausted but "not tired", wanting to extend the moment just that much longer...you know, you know...and the pain that tears me apart, knowing that it cannot last, that it must come to an end.
and that place is a constant reminder, the place where it all started...the place where i first knew there was something more...
so....how? the right thing has to be done.....
now?
what becomes of the broken hearted?
who had love that's now departed?
"but you're not alone"
i've never felt more loved, never felt more happiness mixed in with a rojak of sadness and frustration and pain, than those moments in the last two days. day and night that i didn't want to come to an end. yes, i wish it was possible to fly away, somewhere far away... but reality calls me back. and i know that it's clear, that God has been speaking. i just didn't want to listen, blinded by my own selfishness.
a phone call this morning called me back to reality, reminding me not to lean on my own understanding. but i want to savour those precious memories...the happiness and fullness of my heart, physically exhausted but "not tired", wanting to extend the moment just that much longer...you know, you know...and the pain that tears me apart, knowing that it cannot last, that it must come to an end.
and that place is a constant reminder, the place where it all started...the place where i first knew there was something more...
so....how? the right thing has to be done.....
now?
what becomes of the broken hearted?
who had love that's now departed?
"but you're not alone"
a passionate life
confessed by
mich
at
10:27 AM
what is your passion?
that was the question my uncle asked my cousin and me after dinner on Wednesday night.
my cousin said he doesn't know.
i had to agree, i don't know either.
and i've been thinking about it ever since...
and as i read a devotion this morning, it asked the same question: who are you? what are your dreams?
an excerpt:
i need to take time to discover the person God made me to be...
i don't want to grow old and never know His purpose for my life
that was the question my uncle asked my cousin and me after dinner on Wednesday night.
my cousin said he doesn't know.
i had to agree, i don't know either.
and i've been thinking about it ever since...
and as i read a devotion this morning, it asked the same question: who are you? what are your dreams?
an excerpt:
Who was I? What did I like to do? Unfortunately, I’d never taken time to answer those questions. Instead, I had tried to be who others wanted or needed me to be. But honestly, I wasn’t very good at it. I often had this uneasy feeling in my heart and a sense of just not being happy. I was also a constant candidate for burn out.
Later the facilitator encouraged me to ask God what His dreams were for my life and to spend time getting to know myself better. She also suggested I read some books on personalities. I took her advice and began a process of getting to know the real “me” who’d gotten buried in the busyness of life and people-pleasing.
i need to take time to discover the person God made me to be...
i don't want to grow old and never know His purpose for my life
CNY updates
confessed by
mich
at
10:11 AM
Happy Chinese New Year!
新年快乐！
my first 2 days were not filled with endless visiting...something I should probably be thankful about!
but i still had a memorable time, happiness coupled with sadness, and lots of food for thought thrown in there.
the eve was spent at my uncle's house for reunion dinner.
the first day was mainly spent lying in bed, coming out only to greet visitors - my uncles and their families and my granny's friends/neighbours.
the second day was hectic...
it started off with 5 hours spent at my granduncle's house, mainly waiting for my auntie who had not shown up by 4pm so my cousin and i decided that we couldn't wait any longer and rushed off.
i went to vivocity and met up with Luke and Nigel, who were in Singapore for a stopover.
we decided to go to Chinatown in search of Chinese food for dinner and i was super glad that the dumplings place we always go to was open!!
needless to say, they enjoyed the food :)
after that we took the train to little india and went to their hotel to pick up their bags before heading to Bugis to catch the train to the airport.
overall, a lovely time catching up and listening to their travel tales...with lots of laughter!!
a day seems like an eternity...
新年快乐！
my first 2 days were not filled with endless visiting...something I should probably be thankful about!
but i still had a memorable time, happiness coupled with sadness, and lots of food for thought thrown in there.
the eve was spent at my uncle's house for reunion dinner.
the first day was mainly spent lying in bed, coming out only to greet visitors - my uncles and their families and my granny's friends/neighbours.
the second day was hectic...
it started off with 5 hours spent at my granduncle's house, mainly waiting for my auntie who had not shown up by 4pm so my cousin and i decided that we couldn't wait any longer and rushed off.
i went to vivocity and met up with Luke and Nigel, who were in Singapore for a stopover.
we decided to go to Chinatown in search of Chinese food for dinner and i was super glad that the dumplings place we always go to was open!!
needless to say, they enjoyed the food :)
after that we took the train to little india and went to their hotel to pick up their bags before heading to Bugis to catch the train to the airport.
overall, a lovely time catching up and listening to their travel tales...with lots of laughter!!
a day seems like an eternity...
Sunday, February 03, 2008
shw retreat
confessed by
mich
at
12:33 AM
i thank God that i was able to attend the last hour of shw retreat today...
Melanie gave each of us "Love" group a card with a verse or two.
the verses really did touch my heart...affirmation, encouragement...
my first verse: Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be against us"
the rest of the passage (verse 32 to 39):
"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written: 'For your sake, we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
my second verse came from Psalm 118:5-6:
"In my anguish I cried to the Lord,
and He answered by setting me free.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"
and yes, indeed, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Melanie gave each of us "Love" group a card with a verse or two.
the verses really did touch my heart...affirmation, encouragement...
my first verse: Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be against us"
the rest of the passage (verse 32 to 39):
"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written: 'For your sake, we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
my second verse came from Psalm 118:5-6:
"In my anguish I cried to the Lord,
and He answered by setting me free.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"
and yes, indeed, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Saturday, February 02, 2008
the rest of my life...
confessed by
mich
at
11:42 PM
you know, i'm beginning to discover once again that the rest i find in Him is far greater than anything else :)
when i feel desperate and sad, He gives me peace and comfort.
He reminds me that between the urgent and the important, i need to be still
that i need to be prayerfully waiting on God continuously, everyday...
i don't believe that He would let me go through all this hurt and pain that i'm feeling...but in this broken, fallen world, i need to seek His perfect love for me
Lord, help me to bring back joy into my life and not be dragged down any longer by the weariness of the darkness
hmm....been on the topic of spiritual gifts for bmc...
tina mentioned something interesting, about the difference between Spiritual Gifts and natural talents, and that spiritual gifts are given by the Holy Spirit
made me look back and realise that i know that i have truly been blessed with these gifts and that i could probably pinpoint when it was that i received it.
she also mentioned the "cautions"......puts some perspectives into how i feel sometimes, i need to watch myself yeh...
still exhausted...but it's been a truly blessed day :)
goodnight goodnight
when i feel desperate and sad, He gives me peace and comfort.
He reminds me that between the urgent and the important, i need to be still
that i need to be prayerfully waiting on God continuously, everyday...
i don't believe that He would let me go through all this hurt and pain that i'm feeling...but in this broken, fallen world, i need to seek His perfect love for me
Lord, help me to bring back joy into my life and not be dragged down any longer by the weariness of the darkness
hmm....been on the topic of spiritual gifts for bmc...
tina mentioned something interesting, about the difference between Spiritual Gifts and natural talents, and that spiritual gifts are given by the Holy Spirit
made me look back and realise that i know that i have truly been blessed with these gifts and that i could probably pinpoint when it was that i received it.
she also mentioned the "cautions"......puts some perspectives into how i feel sometimes, i need to watch myself yeh...
still exhausted...but it's been a truly blessed day :)
goodnight goodnight
Friday, February 01, 2008
day by day...step by step...He will see me through
confessed by
mich
at
8:34 AM
as i got up this morning, i felt a sharp pain...
the emptiness and the longings of my heart...
immediately, i prayed and committed everything i was feeling to God - the sadness, the fear, the uncertainty that i am facing...
and on the way to work, i really searched deep into my heart and poured it all out to the Lord, that i trusted Him to carry me through. that i will not be distracted by whatever life throws at me.
oh and of course, praise and thanks to God that i woke up when my alarm went off AND i actually got out of bed despite the feeling of wanting to just curl up and die!
*strength little by little, step by step...i will get there for in my weakness, You are strong*
got to work before 8am and then He spoke to me and I listened...
the emptiness and the longings of my heart...
immediately, i prayed and committed everything i was feeling to God - the sadness, the fear, the uncertainty that i am facing...
and on the way to work, i really searched deep into my heart and poured it all out to the Lord, that i trusted Him to carry me through. that i will not be distracted by whatever life throws at me.
oh and of course, praise and thanks to God that i woke up when my alarm went off AND i actually got out of bed despite the feeling of wanting to just curl up and die!
*strength little by little, step by step...i will get there for in my weakness, You are strong*
got to work before 8am and then He spoke to me and I listened...
January 31, 2008
Satisfy Your Hunger
Gwen Smith
Today’s Truth
“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14, NIV).
Friend to Friend
As I emptied the dishwasher this morning, it occurred to me that we were created to be hungry. Our bodies need constant nourishment, right? Hunger is simply a trigger designed by God to stimulate a necessary response. Whether we are talking about physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual hunger, you and I are temporarily satisfied when an appropriate response meets a need. Think about it…
· The satisfying response to physical hunger is food and drink.
· The satisfying response to emotional hunger is love (among other things).
· The satisfying response to mental hunger is knowledge.
· And the only satisfying response to spiritual hunger is God.
Nothing can take His place. Not the latest-greatest beauty gimmick, not the most fabulous outfit, not a hunky man, or a good smelling baby. Not money in the bank, not that promotion you might be after, not the affection you might be craving, and not the appreciation you desire for your efforts. Nothing can supplement God if you want to feed your spiritual hunger.
Let’s be honest here, you and I both know that our souls constantly demand to be fed. If God does not have the proper place in your life, your soul will remain hungry. Trust me, I speak from personal experience. When I invite God into my days, I experience His satisfying presence, no matter what I face. But, when I don’t pray, when I don’t read my Bible, and when I don’t praise, I get hungry and discontent.
Discontent with what? You name it…my husband, my kids, my house, my hair, my weight, my looks, my job, my abilities, my this, and my that. Spiritual hunger in my life isn’t always subtle. Sometimes my deficiencies are glaringly obvious. Without even realizing it, my ability to love, show patience, extend grace, and walk in wisdom can fade.
Why do we allow ourselves to become spiritually hungry?
In Psalm 107:8-9, the Psalmist wrote, “Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”
God loves us and He loves to feed our souls. Yet, in spite of all evidence, sometimes we don’t feel loved by God. And when we don’t feel loved, we ladies have a tendency to grumble and whine. I’ve found in my own life, that nothing illuminates my lamentations like a grumbly spiritual tummy. It is very dangerous for us to allow emotions to drive our faith. Hunger affects our judgment, so it is so important that we be vigilant in defending our souls against hunger.
Whether we like to admit it or not, Christians are hungry people. Just like the Israelites who wandered in the desert, we need God’s daily bread, His spiritual manna. Jesus taught us to ask for a daily portion. In the New Testament book of Matthew, Jesus took a moment to teach His followers how to pray. In that prayer, commonly referred to as the Lord’s Prayer, He said, “Give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11, NIV, emphasis mine).
He didn’t ask to be fed for an entire week – just for today. We would be wise to do the same. Each day we need to turn to God for our daily portion because our spiritual hunger is as regular as our physical hunger. I’ve found that the more I get to know God – the more I want to know Him. The more I experience His peace, presence, and power in my life – the more I want to experience His peace, presence, and power.
It’s time for some daily bread, friend. Join me as we pray, remembering how Jesus taught us to pray.
Let’s Pray
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen” (Matthew 6:9-13).
Now It’s Your Turn
Have you become discontent because of spiritual hunger?
What are you hungry for today? Tell God about the longings in your heart.
Read Psalm 16, then spend the next few minutes asking God to fill you with joy in His presence and to be your portion for today.
More from the Girlfriends
I wish I could reach through my computer screen, grab your hands, and pray with you right now. I don’t know what you are going through, but our loving Father is keenly aware of your circumstances and your needs. As I complete this devotion, please take heart in knowing that Mary, Sharon, and I are praying for you, and that God hears our prayers. God does not forget his hungry children. The scriptures show us time and time again that God hears the cries of His children. “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles” (Psalm 34:17).
Satisfy Your Hunger
Gwen Smith
Today’s Truth
“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14, NIV).
Friend to Friend
As I emptied the dishwasher this morning, it occurred to me that we were created to be hungry. Our bodies need constant nourishment, right? Hunger is simply a trigger designed by God to stimulate a necessary response. Whether we are talking about physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual hunger, you and I are temporarily satisfied when an appropriate response meets a need. Think about it…
· The satisfying response to physical hunger is food and drink.
· The satisfying response to emotional hunger is love (among other things).
· The satisfying response to mental hunger is knowledge.
· And the only satisfying response to spiritual hunger is God.
Nothing can take His place. Not the latest-greatest beauty gimmick, not the most fabulous outfit, not a hunky man, or a good smelling baby. Not money in the bank, not that promotion you might be after, not the affection you might be craving, and not the appreciation you desire for your efforts. Nothing can supplement God if you want to feed your spiritual hunger.
Let’s be honest here, you and I both know that our souls constantly demand to be fed. If God does not have the proper place in your life, your soul will remain hungry. Trust me, I speak from personal experience. When I invite God into my days, I experience His satisfying presence, no matter what I face. But, when I don’t pray, when I don’t read my Bible, and when I don’t praise, I get hungry and discontent.
Discontent with what? You name it…my husband, my kids, my house, my hair, my weight, my looks, my job, my abilities, my this, and my that. Spiritual hunger in my life isn’t always subtle. Sometimes my deficiencies are glaringly obvious. Without even realizing it, my ability to love, show patience, extend grace, and walk in wisdom can fade.
Why do we allow ourselves to become spiritually hungry?
In Psalm 107:8-9, the Psalmist wrote, “Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”
God loves us and He loves to feed our souls. Yet, in spite of all evidence, sometimes we don’t feel loved by God. And when we don’t feel loved, we ladies have a tendency to grumble and whine. I’ve found in my own life, that nothing illuminates my lamentations like a grumbly spiritual tummy. It is very dangerous for us to allow emotions to drive our faith. Hunger affects our judgment, so it is so important that we be vigilant in defending our souls against hunger.
Whether we like to admit it or not, Christians are hungry people. Just like the Israelites who wandered in the desert, we need God’s daily bread, His spiritual manna. Jesus taught us to ask for a daily portion. In the New Testament book of Matthew, Jesus took a moment to teach His followers how to pray. In that prayer, commonly referred to as the Lord’s Prayer, He said, “Give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11, NIV, emphasis mine).
He didn’t ask to be fed for an entire week – just for today. We would be wise to do the same. Each day we need to turn to God for our daily portion because our spiritual hunger is as regular as our physical hunger. I’ve found that the more I get to know God – the more I want to know Him. The more I experience His peace, presence, and power in my life – the more I want to experience His peace, presence, and power.
It’s time for some daily bread, friend. Join me as we pray, remembering how Jesus taught us to pray.
Let’s Pray
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen” (Matthew 6:9-13).
Now It’s Your Turn
Have you become discontent because of spiritual hunger?
What are you hungry for today? Tell God about the longings in your heart.
Read Psalm 16, then spend the next few minutes asking God to fill you with joy in His presence and to be your portion for today.
More from the Girlfriends
I wish I could reach through my computer screen, grab your hands, and pray with you right now. I don’t know what you are going through, but our loving Father is keenly aware of your circumstances and your needs. As I complete this devotion, please take heart in knowing that Mary, Sharon, and I are praying for you, and that God hears our prayers. God does not forget his hungry children. The scriptures show us time and time again that God hears the cries of His children. “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles” (Psalm 34:17).
i am hungry and thirsty Lord, feed me and that i may drink from Your water so that i will never thirst again (John 4:13-15)
and yes, tears came pouring...guess my tear ducts are still working overtime -__-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)