sigh... again?!?!?!

am feeling like shit all over again.

fine. i don't need me to be important or loved by you anyways.

just wished i believed it too...

and no, this is not about any guy i have ever known or will ever know. it's much worse...

a week in retrospect

it's been awhile.. i guess i haven't really been inspired to blog much. it's been a bit torturous getting dragged around, shopping for a dining set and bar stools, getting a new car...

managed to dragged judy home for dinner with the family. she got to see our spanking new place and try my mum's mee siam (prima-inspired, of course). lovely to catch up with J :) talking about life, careers, boys... and it's funny how just a few years ago we were chatting about what we wanted to do after uni and now we're chatting about what we want to do for the rest of our lives! ok, or at least the next few years. LOL. nothing much has changed, or maybe it's because we go through the changes together that it seems like nothing has changed... i do miss the Judy perspective on life though! wish i could have travelled europe with her... there will be other opportunities i'm sure!

had coffee with pei, who put up with me for 4 years of high school...
not really coffee, since i had a vanilla chai and since we're on the topic of coffee, let me just say that i think i might be suffering withdrawal symptoms or something. seriously, one week without coffee and i feel tired/sleepy and get incredibly grumpy and short-tempered on shopping trips for chairs (like, dining chairs and bar stools for our breakfast bench) and trying not to get caught in between the cold wars at home...

it was definitely good catching up with pei, reminiscing those old memories that i had almost forgotten... so many things that i had actually forgotten that she reminded me of...
and catching up on those lost times that we weren't there for each other.
must visit her in japan when she goes there to work in august!!

anyway, some photos...

the moon started to come out even before it got dark!

this was taken about 5pm

more photos taken from the balcony of our new apartment

i love the fact that u can see the sea as well as the hinterlands (ie. mountains)

snaps of the apartment:

the living room, kitchen and my parent's room

last week went to the Ferry Rd Markets

roses in all different colours!

gelati at $15 for 1L

we got hazelnut choc, chocolate and tiramisu

fish. just for the fun of it.

went to watch Made Of Honour with my sister on tuesday.

GOLD CLASS!!! but it really wasn't all that great...

i got my favourite cherry ripe though!

where is miss peh??

where is miss peh?

on msn, she is often MIA and words are few...
*miss miss*
xoxo

Absynthe

some might remember that Absynthe was the potent concoction from the movie Moulin Rouge that brought out the green fairy aka Kylie Minogue and knocked out Ewan McGregor's character.

by the way, it's real. if you've ever had it, it really hits even the strongest drinkers. i've never tried it in my life and never plan to, but an ex of mine did and i was glad i wasn't around to witness it...

Absynthe is an exclusive French restaurant located on the ground floor of the Q1 building in Surfers Paradise. owned by 3-star michelin chef meyjitte, who is 100% french and still speaks with a french accent, also acquaintances of my parents. he has a degustation menu that changes with the season, and mains that comes in the size of entrees. as for the price tag... well, let's just say that it's french fine dining... speaks for itself!

here was where we celebrated daddy's 55th birthday (in style). we ordered 2 bottles of wine, a shiraz and a moscato, 2 entrees (the ocean trout is really YUMZ), mains, and daddy's birthday cake for dessert. i had 2 servings of bread, thinking that portions would be small, as usual. BUT when my steak came out, it was huuuuuugggggeeee and by the time i was done, i was so full i could barely move! but i had a small slice of the cake and it was tres good! it's like a truffle/ganache thing with thin layer of chocolate sponge in the middle... mmm..... wish i could bake something like that!

the damage that night... $400 =/

try not to procrastinate

but here i am... when i should be studying. i haven't reached the panic stage yet. right now, i'm still quite calm about what i already know (though there's a lot more that i don't).

jealousy is raging inside me, i try to put it aside but it still rears its ugly head at the worst of times. i don't even know why i should be jealous, there is absolutely no reason for me to be!

i've been getting nagged at, though i think mel is secretly glad that she gets a break. and this morning, a looooonnnnng lecture. i admit, i tuned out. it's always the same anyway.

so i'm trying not to think about how i never seem to measure up and how much better others are than me.

i can't believe that now that i'm actually here, all i can think about is finding a job.... in singapore!
and it's definitely not because of wrong reasons. strangely, when there is nothing holding me back in singapore anymore, it is still where i want to be. but i do miss melbourne..... hehe

dark & twisty??

think....

powderfinger my happiness

goo goo dolls iris

aerosmith i don't wanna miss a thing

nickleback if everyone cared

and so on...

misses, missing, missed.............

what a big day it was...

Sunday was a very special day indeed!

Melvin's graduation from SBC

and...

his proposal to Siping!!!

i've been very blessed to know this couple

and it was a very touching moment...

that even this little heart was so filled with joy and warmth!

sadly (or perhaps thankfully?), i wasn't thinking of when my turn will come...

i will leave that in God's hands!

i think i'm just over it for now...

what with Adrian playing matchmaker and big bird's mood swings...

sooooooo over it!

(",)

Origin fever

once again, it's that time of the year.... STATE OF ORIGIN season!!!


am very glad that billy slater is on the team this year :)


GO MAROONS!!!

the boy in action!

how's the weather?

here, i'm greeted by perfectly clear blue skies, sun shining like there's no tomorrow! a nice change indeed from the greyness of city life. the temperature is at a wonderful 20plus degrees during the day, though it gets more chilly at night. can't wait for a chance to tan!

back on the Goldie!

the last few days have been a whirlwind. i didn't really have alot of time, but somehow the time spent with various loved ones seemed nice and long and i really thank God for it. especially when emo michelle was in such a depressed state. my poor dears had to deal with me and i really pity them (and thanks a bunch for all cares and concerns!).

ok, so thank God that issues have been resolved!

the flight here was.... ok, i admit i don't remember much of it! i spent most of the time sleeping. think this is the first time i got on a plane and was just so tired that i can actually sleep in those tiny excuse for a seat! although i browsed through the entertainment guide and found some gems i had been planning to see including 27 Dresses (ahh Chris!), PS I Love You, and many more including JUMPER! ok, i had already seen that movie but... haiz....

actually i was given a window seat, but i saw a middle row of FOUR unoccupied seats and sat there instead (after the rather rude air stewardess told me to just take a seat). sadly, another passenger also took the same opportunity after the fasten seatbelts sign went off so i only got 2 seats, which was so much better, at least i could curl up somewhat (uncomfortable as it was). and yes, i did suffer neck and back aches and was rudely woken up several times by said aches. oh and yes, rudely woken up twice by the turning on of bright lights for dinner and breakfast.

arrived in brisbane sleep-deprived and ready to collapse from exhaustion! mr chan was supposed to collect his guitar from me at the airport but he was caught in traffic (faint... i should have warned him? thought he would have known...). the bus ride home was rather uncomfortable, squeezed into the backseat with two oversized persons, somehow i managed to get about 40mins of shut-eye. vaguely remembered stumbling out of the squishy bus and into the arms of my overly eager and excited sister whose mood mirrored mine...on the other extreme end of the scale, that is! she was rambling on about something or other while dragging me along into our building. only thing i remember was thinking to myself how close all the shops were... as in, you come out of our building and shops surround us. literally. and Scooter is just right opposite our building entrance! fainted.... my sister and her shoes.... LOL

so our new apartment is just FANTASTIC!!! i LOVE it!!! pictures will come, i promise. right now, i haven't actually done anything constructive since being back.

my sister opened the front door and the moment i stepped in, i was almost tackled (Origin fever taking over) out the door again by my mother. i mumbled something like, "i need to pee really urgently" and was lead to the bathroom by my sister while my mum was saying something about giving me a tour of the apartment. and she did give me a rather comprehensive tour of the apartment with commentaries on the feature walls and plans to build a shoe rack and that the TV console is only temporary while another one is being custom made to match the mahogany legs of the couch, etc etc... then it was a quick shower while mummy made bacon and eggs and a nice warm mug of tea :) i told my mum that i was going to take a nap before going over to the shop to lunch with my parents (my mum was telling me how my dad will want to see me asap too), which she grudgingly agreed to after i complained how tired and sleep-deprived i was.

i crawled into bed, which was just so heavenly soft and i was so delighted at how many pillows there were to surround me. my sister, of course, was lying next to me, staring at me while i tried to sleep. "play with me!!!" she demanded. i asked her what she would normally do (she only had to go to uni at 1plus) and she told me that she would be sleeping. "so sleep" i told her. and i think she might have. and i think i briefly opened my eyes when she left too.

the next time i woke up was at about 5.45pm and it was almost dark outside, giving me the feeling that it was about 7pm. my mum came in and told me to get up otherwise i will never be able to sleep later tonight. i lazed around a bit, still half-asleep while my mum prepared dinner - pasta, steak, salad, roast potatoes, a bottle of 1996 wine, decanted! my mum was telling me that my dad had gone out and bought 6.5kg of kobe beef in anticipation of my visit, and then my dad told me in detail the reason why he went to buy it, which i will spare all of you of. while waiting for dinner, i managed to convince my sis to let me use the internet and did some catching up with yanqi and siow wei. i checked my email and to my horror, found an email from chris saying that he will be on the coast that day at 5.30pm and for me to call him! i checked the time... 6.45pm! i quickly texted him and we had an argument over phone numbers, calling, and... yeah, well, childish finger-pointing at who was supposed to do what. hehe...

dinner was good :) can't help but notice how quickly i filled up, considering how slowly i ate. we watched a movie about the life of bruce lee and daddy would add in his little commentaries on what actually happened, facts that i have no idea how he knows...

after dinner, mummy pulled me aside for a looooooooong chat over... ME! she has a plan. she has told my sister to ask her friend who works at NAB to see if he can get me a job there, and she wants me to work there while i complete my masters degree here. and other things as well....

and i still went to sleep at 11plus, no problems falling asleep! and this morning my mum came in early and asked why i am still asleep when i had told her i was planning to study in the morning?! i simply turned over and continued my journey in dreamland.

finally woke up at 9.30 when i heard my sis going out to wish my dad happy birthday and him saying to her, "ok, i have decided to forgive you since it's my birthday" and i said a silent thankful prayer that the cold war is over. i got up and washed up, wished my dad happy birthday and found my sister doing her assignment. was tempted to have bacon and eggs again but the oats caught my eyes and i excitedly had that instead: uncle toby's apple, sultanas and honey oats!

my sister laughed and told me that i really didn't bring much clothes over. i asked her if she has clothes for me... she said she had already gotten rid of those that she didn't want or couldn't wear. i sadly lamented that i don't have anything to wear tonight for dinner. she replied, didn't i tell you to bring something nice over?!! hmm..... well..... i didn't have a comeback for that. shopping?? hehe...

ok, need to hit the books! getting worried...

guess i'll run from here

when you have a choice between fighting or fleeing,
sometimes even the strongest choose to run.

i'm not even close to being strong.

this past week has been very much like something out of a drama.
really. when i said i wanted life to be more interesting, this wasn't what i signed up for.
i tell you what im sick of:
- the sound of my heart breaking. over and over and over and.......
- people disappointing me time and time again. selfishness and not being considerate of others. please can you just THINK for those you have left behind?!!
- conflicting emotions. hate. love. love. hate. bitterness.
- when this one person still affects me even though she should be left behind! whatever happened to respecting others?!!
- my need of knowing things. i mean, ignorance is bliss, ignorance is bliss, ignorance is....ARGH! i hate being ignorant!!!
- the elephant in the room

the last thing is one that i have to live with for awhile. i shouldn't have said what i said. i should have ren and kept my feelings and thoughts to myself.

shit.

i confess: i don't want to stay in singapore anymore. i wish it were that easy.

just a girl

i can't help but wonder if i'm just being so childish.
i wondered so much that i asked adrian if was being childish.
and adrian said, "no, you're just being a girl"

-__________________-"

just when i thought it's impossible to get any worse...
i'm left once again utterly, incomprehensibly disappointed in people.
to be more specific, one person.
one person who has ruined me so much in the past 7 odd months, especially the last 4 months.
sometimes i just want to scream out

WHAT IS YOUR F&#^*!G PROBLEM???

and now it's become a sad, miserable day.

and it's a busy one for me too...

please remind me to call my mummy!

revamp

i want to revamp my blog. choose a new layout. design my own background.

i need microsoft frontpage!!!

emo sai

one of the horrible things i have to do is to clean up my personal emails on my office computer.
who knew that i had kept so many emails, useless and random ones too!

found jane's farewell email, and another email from her, in reply to mine, subject was: "i know it's long for this early in the morning but...." and it caught my eye.

this was written in mid feb, and it was such a touching email for me to read again, reading the oh-so-familiar words that i had written all those months ago.
and i remember how i felt when i had written it, tears stinging my eyes and mind muddled.

but the thing that grabbed at my heart now was the depression undertones of the email, the sadness and how i had this sense of apprehension that things would only go downhill.
how dark and depressing!!!!

my favourite things

had some time on sunday afternoon, between lunch and meeting pao for shopping + dinner.
and so, i found myself in kino @ taka doing one of my favourite things: reading.
there is a certain sense of peace and relaxation when i find myself surrounded by bookcases stacked with the likes of tolstoy, orwell, proust and of course, my all-time favourite, austen!


at the moment, i have this fascination for all things architectural.
i don't know where it came from, since i'm not the most creative person on earth (try like none at all).
but i'm really loving Japanese interior design and of course those contemporary Jap-influenced styles.
and this sudden interest has developed into me wanting to travel Japan!
hmm... too much travel planning going on! focus on saving first, mish!

time off all by myself is good. i need to learn to appreciate times like these. to just be still and not be running around, doing things, keeping busy...

and i realised that i don't have to be doing something to take my mind off.... yesh, a few hours spent buried in books, being transported to anywhere but here definitely takes you to a place far far away.

random shot: sunday lunch with the group :)

love lunch gatherings with lsy, fiona, qi and phil!

7 more sleeps and counting!

looking ahead, looking back

i can't believe i still care so much. the twisting pain of love lost and breaking heart.

but the moment has passed (prayerfully) and i'm just smiling to myself at some of the things miss teo has said to me in the last few days.

nobody can even begin to comprehend how much i am looking forward to my trip home!

i want to go back to fussen... a small village in bavaria, home of schloss neuschwanstein.
thinking back, remembering, when we went up mountains and had so much fun running around, free from everything. just running and shouting and playing silly things.
the pranks we tried to execute (most were unsuccessful), breaking windows, just generally having the best time of our lives.

i so miss days gone past.

it keeps going....

best way to waste time!

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen Peacemaker, first to end a fight Good at thinking up creative dates Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily Going with your gut instead of your head Empathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault Good at recognizing patterns in relationships Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are You a Right Brained or Left Brained Woman in Love?

You Are Karamel Sutra

Plain on the outside, but once someone gets in, they're stuck

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

time wasting

not a slow afternoon, but rather, no mood to go on. mentally drained thanks to my 4 hour sleep last night (lsy! that coffee/tea concoction is POTENT!!!).

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test