Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Siow Wei's 21st Birthday!!!
dear miss white has turned 21! we rocked up to 169 Joo Chiat Rd to help celebrate this momentous occasion ;) casual, laid-back settings created a cosy home-ly atmosphere...and of course, we create our own entertainment too! some photos of this memorable time in siow wei's life...
song of songs
the original datestamp on this post is 21 October 2007, 10:15pm.
but as you can see, it's now 31 October 2007, 12:45am. long overdue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
i should have done this earlier...
but reading this now is also appropriate...especially after _____
and so, some things to consider thanks to my study bible to guide me (since i'm without small group)...
- feelings of love can create intimacy that overpowers reason. don't be in a hurry to develop an intmate relationship based on strong feelings, feelings aren't enough to support a lasting relationship. therefore, do not force romance lest the feelings of love grow faster than the commitment needed to make love last. patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together
- because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. we are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship
- as you consider marriage, don't just look for physical attractiveness in a person. look for the inner qualities that don't fade with time - spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity and sincerity
- careful communication is crucial, don't let walls come between you and your partner. take care of problems while they are still small
- little problems can disturb or destroy a relationship. it is often the "little foxes" that cause the biggest problems in marriage. these irritations must not be minimised or ignored, but identified so that together the couple can deal with them
- never let problems, conflicts, or the ravages of time ruin your ability to enjoy God's gifts. Take time to enjoy the world God has created - celebrate your joy in the creation and in your love
- when you love someone, you will do all you can to ensure the safety of that person and care for his or her needs, even at a cost to your personal comfort. this shows up most often in small actions
- communciating love and expressing admiration both in words and actions can enhance every marriage, intense feelings of love and admiration are universal
- sex without marriage is cheap; it cannot compare with the joy of giving yourself completely to the one who is totally commited to you
- sometimes the familiarity that comes with marriage causes us to forget the overwhelming feelings of love and refreshment we shared at the beginning. do you refresh your spouse or are you a burden of complaints, sorrows, and problems? we should continually work at refreshing each other by an encouraging word, an unexpected gift, a change of pace, a surprise call or note, or even a withholding of a discussion of some problem until the proper time. your spouse needs you to be a haven of refreshment because the rest of the world usually isn't
.....see all the things i have to look forward to?? i just have to be patient ;)
be encouraged in his perfect plan in his perfect timing (",)
but as you can see, it's now 31 October 2007, 12:45am. long overdue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
i should have done this earlier...
but reading this now is also appropriate...especially after _____
and so, some things to consider thanks to my study bible to guide me (since i'm without small group)...
- feelings of love can create intimacy that overpowers reason. don't be in a hurry to develop an intmate relationship based on strong feelings, feelings aren't enough to support a lasting relationship. therefore, do not force romance lest the feelings of love grow faster than the commitment needed to make love last. patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together
- because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. we are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship
- as you consider marriage, don't just look for physical attractiveness in a person. look for the inner qualities that don't fade with time - spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity and sincerity
- careful communication is crucial, don't let walls come between you and your partner. take care of problems while they are still small
- little problems can disturb or destroy a relationship. it is often the "little foxes" that cause the biggest problems in marriage. these irritations must not be minimised or ignored, but identified so that together the couple can deal with them
- never let problems, conflicts, or the ravages of time ruin your ability to enjoy God's gifts. Take time to enjoy the world God has created - celebrate your joy in the creation and in your love
- when you love someone, you will do all you can to ensure the safety of that person and care for his or her needs, even at a cost to your personal comfort. this shows up most often in small actions
- communciating love and expressing admiration both in words and actions can enhance every marriage, intense feelings of love and admiration are universal
- sex without marriage is cheap; it cannot compare with the joy of giving yourself completely to the one who is totally commited to you
- sometimes the familiarity that comes with marriage causes us to forget the overwhelming feelings of love and refreshment we shared at the beginning. do you refresh your spouse or are you a burden of complaints, sorrows, and problems? we should continually work at refreshing each other by an encouraging word, an unexpected gift, a change of pace, a surprise call or note, or even a withholding of a discussion of some problem until the proper time. your spouse needs you to be a haven of refreshment because the rest of the world usually isn't
.....see all the things i have to look forward to?? i just have to be patient ;)
i'm in love with falling in love but at the same time, i also feel that he is showing me in his own way that now is not the right time for me. i get so consumed that sometimes i put falling in love before God. and i truly believe that when i learn to overcome my weaknesses, to completely and wholly love God and put him first in my life, before ALL things, then i will be ready.
and to end, a man who loves God loves his wife (: something i've learnt from my friends
be encouraged in his perfect plan in his perfect timing (",)
the Lord is faithful to all his promises
- Psalms 145:13b
Sunday, October 28, 2007
way back into love
- blessed sunday -
there's a lot i learnt today. i know that God has spoken once again in my life:-
i've been struggling with psco and i've been asking God, "is this where you want me to be? Lord, it's too difficult for me, maybe i can serve you in other areas??" i even went as far as telling him that i can use that time to go to services instead...obviously he has other plans. and today he reaffirmed this once again. i give thanks and praise to God because he has shown me everything that i could be through his special children whom he loves and cares for very very much.
i rejoice that he has taken away my feelings of jealousy.
my sister Siping's simple words also touched my heart, though she probably doesn't know their impact! ;)
spent my afternoon relaxing ~ ok not so much relaxing :s with my colleagues andrew and amy and amy's friends (whom i met last time) :) lots of fun entertaining adorable 2-year old Asher, playing Guesstures (bridging age gaps ;) ), picking up the guitar...and wanting to learn more!!! we were hopeful about our trip to the botanic gardens even though it was thundering and raining cats and dogs most of the afternoon. Asher's mummy and daddy got him to pray (his prayers definitely go straight to heaven!) and by early evening we set off for the gardens! had a small picnic and rolled out the mats to watch Music and Lyrics.
finally shared with andrew my "love-life angst" after much questioning and pestering (i think he just wanted to be on par with joelle -_-) and i gave in....we definitely don't see eye to eye on "dating" although his views are very secular, very much what i would have said only a few years ago...but Josh Harris has definitely changed my life through that aspect and i wouldn't change it for anything in the world because it's also the reason for my turning over my life to Jesus once again. it also helped me to paint a clearer picture, and my casual flipping to ecclesiastes also helped me to realise.....that there is a time for everything but life is filled with emptiness if i spend it apart from God. so focus Michelle!!!!
ironically, Andrew's advice is DON'T GIVE UP!!!! -_-
anyway, i have that annoyingly upbeat song PoP! Goes My Heart on repeat in my head! ;( see below:
and of course....way back into love
Friday, October 26, 2007
what's left of me
met up with nicholas c. last night, spent some time to talk and have ben & jerry's!! although i felt bad for making him wait....seems like i'm always running late these days and i really hate being late! i shall not disclose what we talked about ;) i'm getting scared of his death glares...
on the way home, had some time to think, reflect, and untangle the jumble of confusing thoughts in my head. i feel that in some way, my heart has hardened. or maybe it's not a hardening but rather it has died. i struggle to come up with feelings and emotions. i would read a story so full of hope and joy and i just pick up a few stray thoughts that would lead to cyncial questions, and the hope and joy fades away....
i ask myself why has my heart and mind become so disconnected?
i'm starting to settle down again. taking a breather out of life's hecticness. sometimes i just get too carried away with everything around me. i need to tell myself to stop and re-evaluate.
i need patience, to wait on God's timing and purpose. i need more rest away from some people.
who can understand but the one who created me, who knows me so deeply and wholly. the world only pretends to care and share in my troubles, save a small handful of treasured friends and family. but even they cannot comprehend the depth of my sorrows and frustrations. i can't even clearly express everything that's going on.
on the way home, had some time to think, reflect, and untangle the jumble of confusing thoughts in my head. i feel that in some way, my heart has hardened. or maybe it's not a hardening but rather it has died. i struggle to come up with feelings and emotions. i would read a story so full of hope and joy and i just pick up a few stray thoughts that would lead to cyncial questions, and the hope and joy fades away....
i ask myself why has my heart and mind become so disconnected?
i'm starting to settle down again. taking a breather out of life's hecticness. sometimes i just get too carried away with everything around me. i need to tell myself to stop and re-evaluate.
i need patience, to wait on God's timing and purpose. i need more rest away from some people.
who can understand but the one who created me, who knows me so deeply and wholly. the world only pretends to care and share in my troubles, save a small handful of treasured friends and family. but even they cannot comprehend the depth of my sorrows and frustrations. i can't even clearly express everything that's going on.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
snippets of a workaholic's life
a mini apple my colleague gave meIvy's getting married!
so cute right? got little twin star... :)
- the venue -
i don't check my mailbox for 1.5 weeks and look at all that mail!!!
20.10.2007 Saturday
what a busy day it was for me! spent some time in the late morning shopping with kat & dean and to pass them my sister's belated birthday present (: went to bugis street and picked up a few cds (i'm on super budget atm), i play Mika continuously at work now and it really brightens me and my day up!
then it was off to Dome @ Park Mall to meet up with my dear sister Siping and brother Melvin :) even though the time spent was short, i enjoyed every second. spent some time sharing with Siping...the first time since we've met that we've done this, on such a personal level...it's wonderful hearing how my friends came to receive the Lord and made the choice to follow him. indeed, their lives are a testament to the faithfulness, grace and mercy of my father in heaven!! :) it was very encouraging...
rushed off to meet Qi, who had been waiting almost 30mins for me! paiseh dear....we were later joined by miss lee and miss HO...wonderful time spent in sharing, laughing, supporting each other, listening and just being there...had dinner at thai express, a bit of our crazy shopping (we seem to get into crazy shopping mode quite frequently these days o_O), and coffee at Starbucks.
and here are my dear girls.... :p
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
down and out
thinking about ______ and about emo things like _____ and so i'm back to reading Boy Meets Girl
and even though i'm tired, miserable and depressed, when you laugh, my heart smiles just because you are happy.
i cried today cos i missed my mum. then i realised that i haven't talked or emailed her for almost 2 weeks!
i've been dwelling on something teo yan qi said on saturday. it really made me think: i demand so much attention from my friends and yet i have selfishly neglected them somewhat.
i'm so sorry...
it's like i've come to a crossroads in my life and i have to choose which path to take.
work...it's giving me a lot of stress, pressure, and depression. i'm wondering if it will get any better. sometimes i tell myself to be patient. at other times i just want to throw in the towel and give it all up. but then what? go home? away from everything i've come to treasure and love?
ah teo asked if i am really falling.....................................................................................
good question.
i'm missing you all, my amazing girls who make me laugh until i cry. i miss those days where we would meet almost every single day :)
and even though i'm tired, miserable and depressed, when you laugh, my heart smiles just because you are happy.
i cried today cos i missed my mum. then i realised that i haven't talked or emailed her for almost 2 weeks!
i've been dwelling on something teo yan qi said on saturday. it really made me think: i demand so much attention from my friends and yet i have selfishly neglected them somewhat.
i'm so sorry...
it's like i've come to a crossroads in my life and i have to choose which path to take.
work...it's giving me a lot of stress, pressure, and depression. i'm wondering if it will get any better. sometimes i tell myself to be patient. at other times i just want to throw in the towel and give it all up. but then what? go home? away from everything i've come to treasure and love?
ah teo asked if i am really falling.....................................................................................
good question.
i'm missing you all, my amazing girls who make me laugh until i cry. i miss those days where we would meet almost every single day :)
Sunday, October 21, 2007
tears are pouring
i've been like a loose tap lately...i know i've always been one for tears.
because he has been faithful even when i don't deserve it.
and i am so humbled and grateful that he is watching over me.
psalm 23
i've been counting...and i know i don't deserve any of it.
my shamefulness consumes me.
i can't help but think back on the last few years....
when i finally cried out for help, and he brought me here.
to this place, away from the tempations to stray far away.
to this place, to draw nearer to him.
to this place, with people who have helped me to grow so so much.
to this place, with people who have helped me to understand.
hmmm, even though i made up my mind to leave, when i finally graduated, i didn't want to take the next step. i held back. i prayed it will be different if i stayd. i didn't want to let go. but it was all in his plan. i had to leave everything behind to return to him.
and now my walk is closer than ever.
i told our class today that i had no friends before i came to singapore but that God has blessed me with good friends when i got here.
this past week has been better. i've been guarding my heart. but i've also started struggling with something else just as dangerous - jealousy.
imagine, almost everyday, tired as i am, i have like one side of me fighting against another side of me over this really very stupid thing. it's very exhausting!
all because her place in his heart is far greater than anything i will ever even get slightly close to.
and i'm trying not to be discouraged but i've recently started feeling more and more like i don't measure up. just not good enough. that i'm lacking in so many ways....
sigh...i'm so so tired...
because he has been faithful even when i don't deserve it.
and i am so humbled and grateful that he is watching over me.
psalm 23
i've been counting...and i know i don't deserve any of it.
my shamefulness consumes me.
i can't help but think back on the last few years....
when i finally cried out for help, and he brought me here.
to this place, away from the tempations to stray far away.
to this place, to draw nearer to him.
to this place, with people who have helped me to grow so so much.
to this place, with people who have helped me to understand.
hmmm, even though i made up my mind to leave, when i finally graduated, i didn't want to take the next step. i held back. i prayed it will be different if i stayd. i didn't want to let go. but it was all in his plan. i had to leave everything behind to return to him.
and now my walk is closer than ever.
i told our class today that i had no friends before i came to singapore but that God has blessed me with good friends when i got here.
this past week has been better. i've been guarding my heart. but i've also started struggling with something else just as dangerous - jealousy.
imagine, almost everyday, tired as i am, i have like one side of me fighting against another side of me over this really very stupid thing. it's very exhausting!
all because her place in his heart is far greater than anything i will ever even get slightly close to.
and i'm trying not to be discouraged but i've recently started feeling more and more like i don't measure up. just not good enough. that i'm lacking in so many ways....
sigh...i'm so so tired...
Monday, October 15, 2007
Big Questions
I've been questioning myself lately...
What does it mean to completely abandon my heart to God?
I don't feel like I'm holding back, but I doubt myself.
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory
There's so much more I want to do. But I feel my passion stifled by life and people. Ask me what I want to do with my life? I don't know anymore. Ask me what I want to do in the next day? I don't know anymore.
There's a few things that have occurred recently that has humbled me. I'm trusting in his faithfulness. Though this world fails me, he never does. When I feel discouraged and sad, he shows me hope and puts a cheer in my heart.
And then there's my stumbling block...the biggest one at the moment: HIM.
I feel that I could be happy forever just to be by your side. And yet this happiness is laced with the pain of heartache. Cos you never saw me when I stood beside you, never heard me when I cried, never felt the warmth of my embrace.
JPoh: "the right guy at the wrong time"
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I really don't know what to think and what to feel.
I can only pray about it.
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
What does it mean to completely abandon my heart to God?
I don't feel like I'm holding back, but I doubt myself.
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory
- The Stand -
There's so much more I want to do. But I feel my passion stifled by life and people. Ask me what I want to do with my life? I don't know anymore. Ask me what I want to do in the next day? I don't know anymore.
I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
That we are redeemed
Unbelieving trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
I take up my cross and follow you Lord
When you stand the tall trees and mountains bow
When you speak the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees
Unforgiven, my savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
Undelivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focused on the savior who gave his life
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow you Lord
I will take up my cross and follow Lord where you lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow wherever you go
- Devotion -
There's a few things that have occurred recently that has humbled me. I'm trusting in his faithfulness. Though this world fails me, he never does. When I feel discouraged and sad, he shows me hope and puts a cheer in my heart.
And then there's my stumbling block...the biggest one at the moment: HIM.
I feel that I could be happy forever just to be by your side. And yet this happiness is laced with the pain of heartache. Cos you never saw me when I stood beside you, never heard me when I cried, never felt the warmth of my embrace.
JPoh: "the right guy at the wrong time"
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I really don't know what to think and what to feel.
I can only pray about it.
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
- From the Inside Out -
it's storming outside and i'm so sleepy i could just pass out right here right now.
my computer is so freaking slow and so....i blog...
hmm well i really can't wait for our trip!!!
4 days and 3 nights away from everything else...
so exciting right??
all the things that we can do but above all, RELAX and ENJOY each other's company!
i'm getting more excited each day!
just have to wait for my boss to approve my leave...
sianz...it's like the whole dept would collapse without me around...c'mon! i'm just a small fry!!!
my computer is so freaking slow and so....i blog...
hmm well i really can't wait for our trip!!!
4 days and 3 nights away from everything else...
so exciting right??
all the things that we can do but above all, RELAX and ENJOY each other's company!
i'm getting more excited each day!
just have to wait for my boss to approve my leave...
sianz...it's like the whole dept would collapse without me around...c'mon! i'm just a small fry!!!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
retail therapy
saturday was super busy!
i got up at abt 8am, went to the hospital, arrived at orchard at 11+ to meet Qi and Fiona for lunch.
a wonderful time spent with two special girls in my life (: sharing and encouraging of life's many shortfalls.
2 things i took away from our girly session:
DO commit everything to the Lord in prayer
DON'T judge others, instead, acceptance and understanding will deliver me from evil thoughts
Gen joined us VERY much later (kns....)
SHOPPING SPREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
among the things i bought...
i got up at abt 8am, went to the hospital, arrived at orchard at 11+ to meet Qi and Fiona for lunch.
a wonderful time spent with two special girls in my life (: sharing and encouraging of life's many shortfalls.
2 things i took away from our girly session:
DO commit everything to the Lord in prayer
DON'T judge others, instead, acceptance and understanding will deliver me from evil thoughts
Gen joined us VERY much later (kns....)
SHOPPING SPREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
among the things i bought...
i've always wanted to get a pair of Ferragamo's.
so this is my first pair! a reward for my hard work
my awesome T-Shirt! so much truth...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
10 mins in the ladies
i do treasure the bathroom trips with Joelle, a time we can both talk and vent and say what's on our minds. i poured out my anguish as she scoured her hair for.......white hair -__-
she told me to relax and calm down. i guess i needed to be told that. though she wasn't the first one who said that to me today. thanks u-know-who-u-are (:
but i guess with so many things on my mind, my temper is also suffering in this fragile state.
i know it's not your fault. i'm not being gracious and have made myself part of the problem.
so....sorry for causing you further aggravation.
i'm tired of going in and out of meetings. i'm tired of being wary of playing the game of office politics.
somebody save me from this hell they call life
she told me to relax and calm down. i guess i needed to be told that. though she wasn't the first one who said that to me today. thanks u-know-who-u-are (:
but i guess with so many things on my mind, my temper is also suffering in this fragile state.
i know it's not your fault. i'm not being gracious and have made myself part of the problem.
so....sorry for causing you further aggravation.
i'm tired of going in and out of meetings. i'm tired of being wary of playing the game of office politics.
somebody save me from this hell they call life
Lord, grant me peace within
that I may be sensitive towards the needs of others
fill me with your presence
that I may never feel alone
give me strength and courage to face each day
give me patience and endurance
lead me and guide me
all the days of my life and into eternity
in Jesus' most precious name I pray these
Amen.
crushed
did i do something wrong? say something wrong?
i was so excited and happy. now i'm just crushed and depressed.
is it any wonder i'm questioning my ability to make friends??
it's the closest ones that hurts the most, yet i can't distance myself from people.
it's a love-hate relationship.
why don't people listen properly? (not even carefully, just properly)
or do they not even listen to me at all and just make assumptions?
or do they not think before they say and are just careless with their words?
and your words, so harsh they break my heart, so strong they make me tear.
so, how will i spend my weekend, my days of rest?
with those who will cheer me up.
or alone.
i was so excited and happy. now i'm just crushed and depressed.
is it any wonder i'm questioning my ability to make friends??
it's the closest ones that hurts the most, yet i can't distance myself from people.
it's a love-hate relationship.
why don't people listen properly? (not even carefully, just properly)
or do they not even listen to me at all and just make assumptions?
or do they not think before they say and are just careless with their words?
and your words, so harsh they break my heart, so strong they make me tear.
so, how will i spend my weekend, my days of rest?
with those who will cheer me up.
or alone.
confession
my biggest confession in a while...
i'm scared of ending up alone. perhaps, that explains alot...about my past...
and though i know i'm not alone anymore, the fear is still there. and i know i shouldn't be fearful but....but....but....
must trust in his faithfulness.
there's alot of things i'm not ready for and i know that.
and it makes me wonder...what do i have that makes me stand out??
6 hours of sleep ahead. better start now.
i'm scared of ending up alone. perhaps, that explains alot...about my past...
and though i know i'm not alone anymore, the fear is still there. and i know i shouldn't be fearful but....but....but....
must trust in his faithfulness.
there's alot of things i'm not ready for and i know that.
and it makes me wonder...what do i have that makes me stand out??
6 hours of sleep ahead. better start now.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
simple pleasures (:
it's funny how much joy i can get from just the simple pleasures in lifeice cream, gummi bears, caramel, fudge, brownies
wonderful friendships, lots of laughs
i had a moment of pure bliss last night, as i snuggled under my doona and hugging Pooh bear
my mouth was sore from my ear-to-ear smile
my heart felt so full and happy
- all because of a simple message -
i fell alseep contented...the first in a long time
Sunday, October 07, 2007
left outside alone
since tuesday i've been struggling. i'm angry, frustrated, upset...helpless.
why do people like to complicate my life?!? and upset me?!?
and sometimes i feel so ostracised and now i'm not sure if it's my fault too...
like, i'm not sure if i'm quite sick of always having to make the effort first or i'm getting more shy...i just don't have the same knack of brazenly going up to strangers and striking up a conversation.
and everyone has their little cliques...no matter how much they try to include me, there's still this feeling....
i'm finding it so hard to make friends in singapore. it's a lot of effort and i'm too tired and overworked now to try
i guess i would need to get used to being left outside alone
why do people like to complicate my life?!? and upset me?!?
and sometimes i feel so ostracised and now i'm not sure if it's my fault too...
like, i'm not sure if i'm quite sick of always having to make the effort first or i'm getting more shy...i just don't have the same knack of brazenly going up to strangers and striking up a conversation.
and everyone has their little cliques...no matter how much they try to include me, there's still this feeling....
i'm finding it so hard to make friends in singapore. it's a lot of effort and i'm too tired and overworked now to try
i guess i would need to get used to being left outside alone
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