what's left of me

met up with nicholas c. last night, spent some time to talk and have ben & jerry's!! although i felt bad for making him wait....seems like i'm always running late these days and i really hate being late! i shall not disclose what we talked about ;) i'm getting scared of his death glares...

on the way home, had some time to think, reflect, and untangle the jumble of confusing thoughts in my head. i feel that in some way, my heart has hardened. or maybe it's not a hardening but rather it has died. i struggle to come up with feelings and emotions. i would read a story so full of hope and joy and i just pick up a few stray thoughts that would lead to cyncial questions, and the hope and joy fades away....
i ask myself why has my heart and mind become so disconnected?

i'm starting to settle down again. taking a breather out of life's hecticness. sometimes i just get too carried away with everything around me. i need to tell myself to stop and re-evaluate.
i need patience, to wait on God's timing and purpose. i need more rest away from some people.

who can understand but the one who created me, who knows me so deeply and wholly. the world only pretends to care and share in my troubles, save a small handful of treasured friends and family. but even they cannot comprehend the depth of my sorrows and frustrations. i can't even clearly express everything that's going on.