does this darkness have a name?

today i was suddenly snapped back to reality, reminded of the world that exists whilst i've been in my own bubble. the last 4 weeks i have turned into a narcissist, been so engrossed in my own life, my own problems, all trivial in retrospect i might add, that i have forgotten about the people i care about.

i have been so selfish with my own sister, pushing her problems aside and kicking her down my list of "things to do". she needed my support and help, yet i have not been there for her when she needed me the most. i always expect people to be there for me, even when my problems are uncomparably small and unimportant, take for example exhibit 1: my obsessive love life. the last few posts might have given you an insight to the workings of my mind and i have devulge every play by play relating to this issue to my girls (who have been my rock through this period) and they have stuck it out, giving all the right advice and warnings, but most of all THEY HAVE PUT UP WITH ALL MY NONSENSE!!! i'm sure they got bored with all the repetition and rubbish i've been feeding them. BUT they were still there for me, listening ears in tow.

i also abandoned my cousin when i knew that she would need me there. i could feel it in my heart and see it with my eyes. miraculously, i have also managed to push it further down on my "to do" list and even more astonishingly, i've managed to forget time and time again. i have been so consumed in my own life, this bubble that i live in that i forgot about the people around me, who loved me the most when i needed a friend and for just BEING THERE.

does this darkness have a name?
yes, it is called guilt and it is haunting me this very second.