WHAT THE FRACK?!?!?

green, coz i'm green with envy, even though just yesterday, the sermon was about envy.

i told my friends i've been listening to too much avril lavigne. it's true but the lyrics just sing write to my heart! exhibit A:

And Now You're Somewhere Out There With A
Bitch, Slut, Psychopath
I Hate You
Why Are Guys So Lame
Everything I Gave You I Want Everything Back But You
My Friends Tried To Tell Me All Along
That You Wern't The Right One For Me
My Friends Tried To Tell Me To Be Strong
I Wanna See You Cry Like I Did A Thousand Times
Yeah You're Losing Me, You're Losing Me Now

ok, it's just excerpts of the parts relating to me and my situation (yes, it's all about me).

the catch-21 is that i actually feel really really guilty (hence, WHAT THE FRACK) because i know what will happen next. or maybe that ending won't happen any more, maybe things have changed and i'm the one getting screwed over and tossed in a corner [nobody puts baby in a corner! sorry couldn't resist (:] and betrayed just like before. i'm feeling so conflicted - angry and sad, hopeful and disappointed.

therefore: i hate you, why are guys so lame is the thought currently on repeat in this empty head of mine.

ugh! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!! JUST GO AND DIE!!! i'm feeling super queasy and i swear it's not the old chang kee i've been gorging on all arvo. i'm not even fighting back tears (i think after months - i can say months now coz it's been 10 weeks - of getting homesick, my tear ducts have finally kicked the bucket). i'm just angry and hurt and so so so so so betrayed...and yet at the same time this saddened feeling of trepidation is gripping at my heart because i know i'm not the only who will be getting hurt.

oh dear Lord keep me strong