it's Christmas eve but i'm not excited.
i feel really sad....that it seems like Christmas is all about Santa (u re-arrange and it equals Satan) and presents. and people don't seem happy at Christmas time either. they are rushing to buy presents, they get irritated and angry, they cringe as the credit card gets swiped through...
it's all about everyone for themselves, maybe some love for those around...
but it's not about what this day is supposed to be - the birth of Jesus Christ. the one who came to die for our sins.
it's really sad to think that children these days know who Santa is but ask them about Jesus and most will have no idea.
parents even rally against teaching Christian education in public schools. and even some private schools too!
most private schools are Christian schools but Christian education classes become an option in year 11 and 12.
sometimes it all feels too much....why would anyone want to live forever in this broken world?!
Monday, December 24, 2007
champagne and turkey party
that's what we're doing tonight....
it should be nice though. the restaurant is by the ocean =) but not so sure if champagne and turkey will fill me up...and i'm designated driver too =/ hmm....sMELly will most likely go crazy over the champagne...
i'm already feeling tired....
just wanna curl up and die.....
it should be nice though. the restaurant is by the ocean =) but not so sure if champagne and turkey will fill me up...and i'm designated driver too =/ hmm....sMELly will most likely go crazy over the champagne...
i'm already feeling tired....
just wanna curl up and die.....
Questions with no straight answers
i thought it would be ok. i don't know why i still feel so sensitive...perhaps my friends were right...about me keeping my distance.
questions questions....
why is the sky blue?
why is the grass green?
why did i go darker?
why did i wear pink?
should i wear my red dress?
do i really like my big bed?
should i downsize my bed?
why can't i stop eating junk food?
did i set my alarm clock?
......when am i going too far?
watched Becoming Jane last night and Pirates: At World's End (again)...
why do i like period dramas? hmmm
can i get over it? yes yes
questions questions....
why is the sky blue?
why is the grass green?
why did i go darker?
why did i wear pink?
should i wear my red dress?
do i really like my big bed?
should i downsize my bed?
why can't i stop eating junk food?
did i set my alarm clock?
......when am i going too far?
watched Becoming Jane last night and Pirates: At World's End (again)...
why do i like period dramas? hmmm
can i get over it? yes yes
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Happy Birthday Gloria Phua!!!!
dear GLORIA PHUA has finally turned 22!!!! =)
called her up and asked her if she knew who was on the line....
GP kept saying "sarah? sarah?"
when i said no for like the hundredth time she asked me to say a sentence....
and then another sentence.....
and then another sentence......
finally she gets it!
...and blames it on my singlish-ness that she didn't guess it the first time...
sai!
it was good having a little chat with her....
but in typical gloria fashion, she hasn't changed her return date to singapore yet!!!!
LOL
looking forward to your return GP!! we've missed having you around!
xoxo hope your birthday was heaps lovely =) xoxo
called her up and asked her if she knew who was on the line....
GP kept saying "sarah? sarah?"
when i said no for like the hundredth time she asked me to say a sentence....
and then another sentence.....
and then another sentence......
finally she gets it!
...and blames it on my singlish-ness that she didn't guess it the first time...
sai!
it was good having a little chat with her....
but in typical gloria fashion, she hasn't changed her return date to singapore yet!!!!
LOL
looking forward to your return GP!! we've missed having you around!
xoxo hope your birthday was heaps lovely =) xoxo
Saturday, December 22, 2007
wheeee caffeine freeeeeee
....................or not!
with no starbucks coveniently located within walking distance, coupled with the fact that i haven't been to Zaraffa's yet (except to check out the hot guy my sister is crushing on), means that i haven't had a single drop of coffee since the girls sent me off on Sunday night! almost a week!
but a confession....i've been guzzling down coke like water!! O_O
that's gotta stop.....
with no starbucks coveniently located within walking distance, coupled with the fact that i haven't been to Zaraffa's yet (except to check out the hot guy my sister is crushing on), means that i haven't had a single drop of coffee since the girls sent me off on Sunday night! almost a week!
but a confession....i've been guzzling down coke like water!! O_O
that's gotta stop.....
funny daddy
sometimes i forget how funny my dad is....
it's a dry sense of humour, mostly sarcastic and sometimes mean!
last night at dinner, my dad asked me if people in Singapore think i speak Aussie.
somehow my mum came up with the comment that my sister still has her singlish slang when she speaks to us but has an accent when she speaks to her friends.
my sister then argued that my mum does the same as well.
sensing that things might end up hostile, i gave a rendition of my own impression of my mum, then my dad, and then my sister of what they say that is "uniquely Aussie"!
so my dad said something along the lines of my sister speaking like a bird, and he said, "like a sparrow!" my sister, not satisfied, said, "why sparrow? why not bluebird??!!"
then my dad said, "you want to be a bluebird??!!! you know what bluebird is in hokkien???!!!!" which sent my mum into a fit of laughter....
i'll let you figure out what it translates to in hokkien...........
it's a dry sense of humour, mostly sarcastic and sometimes mean!
last night at dinner, my dad asked me if people in Singapore think i speak Aussie.
somehow my mum came up with the comment that my sister still has her singlish slang when she speaks to us but has an accent when she speaks to her friends.
my sister then argued that my mum does the same as well.
sensing that things might end up hostile, i gave a rendition of my own impression of my mum, then my dad, and then my sister of what they say that is "uniquely Aussie"!
so my dad said something along the lines of my sister speaking like a bird, and he said, "like a sparrow!" my sister, not satisfied, said, "why sparrow? why not bluebird??!!"
then my dad said, "you want to be a bluebird??!!! you know what bluebird is in hokkien???!!!!" which sent my mum into a fit of laughter....
i'll let you figure out what it translates to in hokkien...........
time for a change
i did something last night! a small change, probably one that most people won't even notice. will see if the girls can spot it...Qi most likely will ;) i like this change. will stick with it for a while!
**i feel so carefree!! =) **
Christmas shopping
it's been a tough shopping time....Christmas always is! i really hate buying presents at Christmas and also at birthdays, pretty much ANY celebration where gifts are a must. don't get me wrong, i love giving presents. but i want and love giving them when i do it on impulse. sometimes, i will be walking along doing my own shopping and see something that i know so-and-so will love. or just a thoughtful gift for a dear friend who might need something to brighten up their day. i don't like the stress and pressure and RUSH of needing to buy someone a present. the decisions that need to be made, the coordination skills needed (!!!) and....especially at Christmas time where you have to wrestle the crowds...there will be tears! let me tell you, the agony i went through the whole week before my flight to Australia...i hardly got any sleep that week! rushing to the shops after work, trying to find the right gifts, mentally adding up the $$ i've spent... then going home, trying to pack my bags, being too tired, barely sleeping and up again to be at work by 8am....zzzz i really felt like i was just floating through the week, lucky for me there were no big problems at work apart from being really really busy.
the last few days i've been making lists of Christmas presents...it's so difficult...and then madly running out of my parents' store for a few minutes at a time to go look and buy presents. this morning was crazy! but i got most of it done...and i'm quickly running out of money too! been swiping a lot =/ i'm going to be on a tight budget the next few months...trying to squeeze in a weekend in HK in Feb though...to see my dear Judy :) i miss her so much, she's always been my voice of rationality and reason! she'll be stopping over in HK for only a few days and it's the only time i will be able to see her when she's close enough...
the good thing about shopping in Australia is that there is no massive crowds like in Singapore!!! what a great feeling it is NOT to have people in your face, shoving and pushing! last Saturday when Qi and i were in Orchard....omgosh....claustrophobia!!! i love wide open spaces!!!!!!!
i got a few dvds too...looking forward to spending my afternoons with the girls camped out in front of the tv and lots of snacks!
the last few days i've been making lists of Christmas presents...it's so difficult...and then madly running out of my parents' store for a few minutes at a time to go look and buy presents. this morning was crazy! but i got most of it done...and i'm quickly running out of money too! been swiping a lot =/ i'm going to be on a tight budget the next few months...trying to squeeze in a weekend in HK in Feb though...to see my dear Judy :) i miss her so much, she's always been my voice of rationality and reason! she'll be stopping over in HK for only a few days and it's the only time i will be able to see her when she's close enough...
the good thing about shopping in Australia is that there is no massive crowds like in Singapore!!! what a great feeling it is NOT to have people in your face, shoving and pushing! last Saturday when Qi and i were in Orchard....omgosh....claustrophobia!!! i love wide open spaces!!!!!!!
i got a few dvds too...looking forward to spending my afternoons with the girls camped out in front of the tv and lots of snacks!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas dinner @ Bobby's, Chijmes
thanks to Jane dear who shared these photos!! now just waiting for JBaby to send me hers! :)
our department, Market Risk Management Department, as Bryan kept stressing on, had our Christmas dinner on Friday, 14 Dec 2007, at Bobby's Restaurant, Chijmes. a few people were missed :( but it was overall, a night of good fun! was a bit sad that we were seated so far away from the little boys and girls ;) but the cosy four always = fabulous night out! we (Joelle, Andrew, Darren and Osborn) kicked on to loof! at Odeon Towers into the wee hours of the morning...left at 3am! the ribs were really good and i'm sure the boss did kenna a huge bill at the end of the night! Nolan did like 3 flaming lamborghinis =/ i paced myself pretty well but still managed to get slightly tipsy! uh-oh....but i'm being a good girl now, haven't had a drop...don't really feel the need/urge to drink anyways :)
Jane, me, Joelle
all of us, the young ones :)
our department, Market Risk Management Department, as Bryan kept stressing on, had our Christmas dinner on Friday, 14 Dec 2007, at Bobby's Restaurant, Chijmes. a few people were missed :( but it was overall, a night of good fun! was a bit sad that we were seated so far away from the little boys and girls ;) but the cosy four always = fabulous night out! we (Joelle, Andrew, Darren and Osborn) kicked on to loof! at Odeon Towers into the wee hours of the morning...left at 3am! the ribs were really good and i'm sure the boss did kenna a huge bill at the end of the night! Nolan did like 3 flaming lamborghinis =/ i paced myself pretty well but still managed to get slightly tipsy! uh-oh....but i'm being a good girl now, haven't had a drop...don't really feel the need/urge to drink anyways :)
Jane, me, Joelle 
me, Joelle
Darren, Andrew, Osborn, Nolan
(what is Andrew doing?!!)
all of us, the young ones :)
shopping spree in 45 mins!!
went to my usual haunt to buy some new clothes...
with only as little time as possible to shop, smells helped me to choose a bunch of clothes and i madly tried them ALL on, some change of sizes, then the final decision....which was quite easy since i liked almost all of them!
ended up with 7 items, totalling $492, that is with discount too! i almost fainted when i converted to SGD......SGD632 faint faint and that was using a conservative exchange rate too!
yesterday was very quiet though...with all my girls not online (no work!)
i was busy planning presents though, and wondering how i can fit in shopping time!
i so badly wanted to sleep!! i'm still craving more sleep....zzzz
it was late night shopping last night so we didn't go out for dinner but worked instead!
thought about my upcoming appraisal and some goals...made me really think about my future. i'm so glad to have my mummy to help me and to advice me.
Wednesday night sMELly gave me some good advice too...she's probably the only person who knows me so well without even me knowing! she just knows things even though i never said anything, even though distance has separated us for the past year...i guess that's what sisters are for :) she really forced me to admit some things that i don't want to admit, that i was too ashamed to admit. and it really opened my eyes...opened the eyes of my heart too. i'm so re-focused now, on everything that's important...and i really need this focus to, for the next year and beyond...to really save up and be ready - for our move to the big apple! our 5 year plan :) i'm already planning for my mba....nyu or wharton??
so for now, i'm just gonna enjoy life and all it brings! next few months will be busy for me and i need to strive to stay alive!
with only as little time as possible to shop, smells helped me to choose a bunch of clothes and i madly tried them ALL on, some change of sizes, then the final decision....which was quite easy since i liked almost all of them!
ended up with 7 items, totalling $492, that is with discount too! i almost fainted when i converted to SGD......SGD632 faint faint and that was using a conservative exchange rate too!
yesterday was very quiet though...with all my girls not online (no work!)
i was busy planning presents though, and wondering how i can fit in shopping time!
i so badly wanted to sleep!! i'm still craving more sleep....zzzz
it was late night shopping last night so we didn't go out for dinner but worked instead!
thought about my upcoming appraisal and some goals...made me really think about my future. i'm so glad to have my mummy to help me and to advice me.
Wednesday night sMELly gave me some good advice too...she's probably the only person who knows me so well without even me knowing! she just knows things even though i never said anything, even though distance has separated us for the past year...i guess that's what sisters are for :) she really forced me to admit some things that i don't want to admit, that i was too ashamed to admit. and it really opened my eyes...opened the eyes of my heart too. i'm so re-focused now, on everything that's important...and i really need this focus to, for the next year and beyond...to really save up and be ready - for our move to the big apple! our 5 year plan :) i'm already planning for my mba....nyu or wharton??
so for now, i'm just gonna enjoy life and all it brings! next few months will be busy for me and i need to strive to stay alive!
breakfast with the MODELS
LOL didn't take any photos cos my SISTER forgot the camera even though i reminded her last night!!
to make sure we were both up early (and not late), sMELly left a gap in the curtains...
meaning that it was so bright at 5am that i woke up, panicked, looked at clock: 4.59, remembered that i'm in Aussie where the sunrises at insane hours of the morning, turned over and buried myself under the covers...
finally got kicked out at 7.15 and got dressed in a sleepy daze.
we left the house about 8am and i checked the street directory for directions to budd's beach.
i almost passed the directory to my sister, but on second thoughts, i just put it away....lol can just imagine what would take place:
me: can i turn down this street?
her: which street is it again?
me: um, cypress avenue
her: what street are we on?
me: gold coast highway
her: where is that on the map?
me: it's the big black line!!!! the GOLD COAST HIGHWAY!!!!
her: ......i don't see it.......
then i probably would have to just rely on my instincts, which i ended up doing since there were barely any right turns and U-turns were a no-no.
i quite easily found bumbles on river drive, it's a really nice, sweet cafe on a corner! it's such a lovely place that i'll definitely be returning again next time i'm in town!
had breakfast with sMELly, Gab and Jazi...the 3 models!!! ok, so only Gab is a pro model...but Jazi and Mel are also very model-esque, that i feel like a heffer next to them... o_O :(
wonderful time chatting and discussing the high divorce rates amongst young couples who get married at about 20. i think it must have been quite depressing for Gab, she's engaged and planning to get married next year :) but just like she said, "i'm planning to get married....and not get divorced!"
after breakfast, i dropped sMELly off at the shop and went to renew my driver's licence.... o_O horrible photo......
to make sure we were both up early (and not late), sMELly left a gap in the curtains...
meaning that it was so bright at 5am that i woke up, panicked, looked at clock: 4.59, remembered that i'm in Aussie where the sunrises at insane hours of the morning, turned over and buried myself under the covers...
finally got kicked out at 7.15 and got dressed in a sleepy daze.
we left the house about 8am and i checked the street directory for directions to budd's beach.
i almost passed the directory to my sister, but on second thoughts, i just put it away....lol can just imagine what would take place:
me: can i turn down this street?
her: which street is it again?
me: um, cypress avenue
her: what street are we on?
me: gold coast highway
her: where is that on the map?
me: it's the big black line!!!! the GOLD COAST HIGHWAY!!!!
her: ......i don't see it.......
then i probably would have to just rely on my instincts, which i ended up doing since there were barely any right turns and U-turns were a no-no.
i quite easily found bumbles on river drive, it's a really nice, sweet cafe on a corner! it's such a lovely place that i'll definitely be returning again next time i'm in town!
had breakfast with sMELly, Gab and Jazi...the 3 models!!! ok, so only Gab is a pro model...but Jazi and Mel are also very model-esque, that i feel like a heffer next to them... o_O :(
wonderful time chatting and discussing the high divorce rates amongst young couples who get married at about 20. i think it must have been quite depressing for Gab, she's engaged and planning to get married next year :) but just like she said, "i'm planning to get married....and not get divorced!"
after breakfast, i dropped sMELly off at the shop and went to renew my driver's licence.... o_O horrible photo......
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wednesday's a-torture
my mum just called herself "old lady"!! ROFL
oh and i decided that i shall just blog on and on and on and then when i get home then i'll upload the photos and just label the dates on it! haha! genius!!! LOL i shall stop complimenting myself...am making myself blush heez!
nothing exciting today. am eating alot, getting very well-fed here! tonight is teppanyaki! we missed out last night so we're going tonight instead :)
i didn't manage to get any reading done again...will have to make extra efforts tomorrow!! and i haven't finished my Christmas cards...looks like I can forget about posting them alr.... =/ so boys and girls...you will be receiving them AFTER Christmas lol
realise that i haven't had time to think either....just quietly go away by myself and sort out my thoughts, my life, my future....
i just want to....
- have xiao long bao with JBaby
- whisper and giggle over the phone with ah Qi
- have coffee with ah lee
- tickle torture fionie
- pour out all my ****** problems to miss peh (don't try to decipher all the *** cos it doesn't replace a * for a letter! those who know will know, and those who don't just won't!)
so many other things i want to do....so little time!
oh and i decided that i shall just blog on and on and on and then when i get home then i'll upload the photos and just label the dates on it! haha! genius!!! LOL i shall stop complimenting myself...am making myself blush heez!
nothing exciting today. am eating alot, getting very well-fed here! tonight is teppanyaki! we missed out last night so we're going tonight instead :)
i didn't manage to get any reading done again...will have to make extra efforts tomorrow!! and i haven't finished my Christmas cards...looks like I can forget about posting them alr.... =/ so boys and girls...you will be receiving them AFTER Christmas lol
realise that i haven't had time to think either....just quietly go away by myself and sort out my thoughts, my life, my future....
i just want to....
- have xiao long bao with JBaby
- whisper and giggle over the phone with ah Qi
- have coffee with ah lee
- tickle torture fionie
- pour out all my ****** problems to miss peh (don't try to decipher all the *** cos it doesn't replace a * for a letter! those who know will know, and those who don't just won't!)
so many other things i want to do....so little time!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Two for Tuesdays?
took a bunch of photos today on my phone camera....
then realised that i can't upload them!!! stupid michelle....
so i'm debating whether to post up my posts without the photos for now or to save them and then post them up when the photos come in......???
anyway after my late start today, i again spent the better of my day chatting and emailing back and forth...i managed to read 2 sentences from my finance book (on fixed income markets, ohh how exciting!! *dripping with sarcasm here). and i did a puzzle! a jigsaw puzzle! LOL most exciting part of my day haha!
oh wait, i also went to the salon to get my hair cut! ok, not really cut at all, more like a trim and then some treatment. was considering colouring my hair but then....i decided not to!
tonight, the initial plan was to have teppanyaki at our favourite Jap teppan haunt Yamagen...but they were fully booked so we went to Fellini's, an upscale Italian bistro by the water at Marina Mirage. from our table view of the broadwater and gold coast, my sister and i spied our apartment :) the service was actually quite terrible...waiters were sulky-looking and not attentive, but the food was not too bad actually. we had....
entrees: bruschetta; mussels
mains: steak; ravioli stuffed with slow-roasted duck in a butter and sage sauce; rack of lamb; saffron-infused linguine with moreton bay bugs in a light creamy sauce; sides of rosemary potatoes and garden salad
desserts: tiramisu; pear and macadamia nut tart; trio of gelati - boysenberry, raspberry & vanilla, mango; custard pie
and a bottle of cabernet merlot to compliment the palate.
the damage was quite significant $260 (= SGD332)
0_O
was quite tired out when i got home but somehow chattering with my sister and fighting with her for internet time meant that im only getting to bed at 1am plus (aussie time, 11pm sg time)!!
then realised that i can't upload them!!! stupid michelle....
so i'm debating whether to post up my posts without the photos for now or to save them and then post them up when the photos come in......???
anyway after my late start today, i again spent the better of my day chatting and emailing back and forth...i managed to read 2 sentences from my finance book (on fixed income markets, ohh how exciting!! *dripping with sarcasm here). and i did a puzzle! a jigsaw puzzle! LOL most exciting part of my day haha!
oh wait, i also went to the salon to get my hair cut! ok, not really cut at all, more like a trim and then some treatment. was considering colouring my hair but then....i decided not to!
tonight, the initial plan was to have teppanyaki at our favourite Jap teppan haunt Yamagen...but they were fully booked so we went to Fellini's, an upscale Italian bistro by the water at Marina Mirage. from our table view of the broadwater and gold coast, my sister and i spied our apartment :) the service was actually quite terrible...waiters were sulky-looking and not attentive, but the food was not too bad actually. we had....
entrees: bruschetta; mussels
mains: steak; ravioli stuffed with slow-roasted duck in a butter and sage sauce; rack of lamb; saffron-infused linguine with moreton bay bugs in a light creamy sauce; sides of rosemary potatoes and garden salad
desserts: tiramisu; pear and macadamia nut tart; trio of gelati - boysenberry, raspberry & vanilla, mango; custard pie
and a bottle of cabernet merlot to compliment the palate.
the damage was quite significant $260 (= SGD332)
0_O
was quite tired out when i got home but somehow chattering with my sister and fighting with her for internet time meant that im only getting to bed at 1am plus (aussie time, 11pm sg time)!!
Monday blues
yesterday i was so tired i just couldn't make it anymore...at 5pm i went round the back of my parents' shop where my mum has her computer, her little office space, and grabbed a cushion and fell asleep at the desk! for over an hour too! my dad thought i had gone out LOL
last night my sister had a Christmas dinner for work so it was just me and my parents. we went to George's Paragon for dinner. it's a greek/mediterranean cuisine and so we had....
for appetisers: fried calamari on a bed of garlic rice; white bait with greek salad
for mains: i had steak! it was really good too, with mushroom sauce :) mummy had lasagne which was a bit too salty for our liking; and daddy had barramundi and chips
for dessert: daddy had some exotic greek dessert; mummy and i had hot chocolate and turkish delight!
dinner was really nice, i told my parents that i was planning to be baptised in march. my mummy might come down :) and since it's also my birthday! she asked if i wanted to celebrate... celebrate getting older? lol i'll think about it....
then when i got home at 9.30, i just quickly got ready for bed and fell asleep at 10pm!!! i slept so heavily, i didn't even wake up when my sister came home (she's not usually quiet when she comes home). i didn't wake up until this morning when i finally opened my eyes and it was 11am!!! what the....?!?!?!
rushed over to the shop to help my parents out....ended up spending most of my time chatting on msn and skype!! i miss you miss peh and ah teo....and you who have hurt me so terribly.... oh and emailing JBaby, ccy and jane-y!!! i miss them too...sobs....
isn't it silly?? that i miss so many people so much? i'm only gone for 2 weeks! it's like a holiday and then i'll be back! omgosh....something to think about....
last night my sister had a Christmas dinner for work so it was just me and my parents. we went to George's Paragon for dinner. it's a greek/mediterranean cuisine and so we had....
for appetisers: fried calamari on a bed of garlic rice; white bait with greek salad
for mains: i had steak! it was really good too, with mushroom sauce :) mummy had lasagne which was a bit too salty for our liking; and daddy had barramundi and chips
for dessert: daddy had some exotic greek dessert; mummy and i had hot chocolate and turkish delight!
dinner was really nice, i told my parents that i was planning to be baptised in march. my mummy might come down :) and since it's also my birthday! she asked if i wanted to celebrate... celebrate getting older? lol i'll think about it....
then when i got home at 9.30, i just quickly got ready for bed and fell asleep at 10pm!!! i slept so heavily, i didn't even wake up when my sister came home (she's not usually quiet when she comes home). i didn't wake up until this morning when i finally opened my eyes and it was 11am!!! what the....?!?!?!
rushed over to the shop to help my parents out....ended up spending most of my time chatting on msn and skype!! i miss you miss peh and ah teo....and you who have hurt me so terribly.... oh and emailing JBaby, ccy and jane-y!!! i miss them too...sobs....
isn't it silly?? that i miss so many people so much? i'm only gone for 2 weeks! it's like a holiday and then i'll be back! omgosh....something to think about....
Monday, December 17, 2007
it was so difficult when i logged on msn this morning.
nobody said it will be easy. but i have to do it the hard way.
Melvin asked me to read Matthew 5-7 on my flight...but i didn't. i only read it when i was on the bus.
i was so tired...boarding the plane at 11pm, i was just so down.
there's so many reasons for that...but the biggest reason was partings.
i get separation anxiety. i cannot just say bye and leave.
maybe that's why my goodbyes are always so prolonged...
i'm beginning to realise that my problems are not going to just disappear. i have to make decisions and stick to them. i took the first step today. nevertheless, i still felt like giving in and just breaking my resolution. but i stopped myself. it feels like i'm cutting off an arm or a leg...but sometimes, that is the extent one has to go through. and it's better to go through a lot of pain now than dragging it on and losing focus, losing sight of the bigger picture, the happy ending, eternal life...
i think i only managed to get 4 hours sleep last night on the plane...my eyes are hurting from lack of sleep and tears i've cried. thanks to No Reservations, the movie i was only halfway through when they turned off the entertainment system! sai... but the good thing about Etihad (ET's hut ;) ) is that u can choose whatever movies you want to watch and watch it whenever you want! awesome huh!! but the service is not so good...but considering that SIA's service is also getting worse, i guess it's just like a notch below SIA... hopefully business class will be better. i'm looking forward to bigger seats!!! LOL economy can get very squishy...especially with a larger person sitting next to you >_<
i caught the sunrise from the plane - hurray for window seats! it was so beautiful, i was moved to tears....ok ok i'm just really emotionally unstable at the moment alright!?! sleep deprivation mainly to blame...that and my internal struggles... but really wished i could have taken a photo. if only i had my O2...or a camera... hmm...i kept sobbing uncontrollably when i was watching the movie, and the lady who was sitting beside me, trying to sleep kept giving me irritated looks, which i caught out of the corner of my eye - so sorry!
i think i will sleep well tonight, i'm already so very exhausted! i'm glad Gold Coast is 2 hours ahead of Singapore time! LOL
but i noticed that there have been a few changes around since I was last here in August...it's always so hard to see that life goes on even when i'm not around. people get on with their lives, move on... i wonder what it will be like when we next meet again. i don't want to think about it but i can't help but just wonder...arm and leg michelle!!!
it's good to be with my family again. my parents and sister...already, the complaints have started...LOL oh well. thinking what i want/need for Christmas. parents want to get me something useful =/ i have no clue either!
i feel like sleeping now! it's only 2.30pm...maybe i need to get for a short walk, clear my head.
oh the weather is not too bad! i prefer winter though...hate hot weather =/
in typical Gold Coast fashion, the sun was out and shining, though it was overcast and cloudy. it drizzled a little before but that passed very quickly. it's a bit humid though, but not as bad as sg.
going out for dinner tonight i think...
oh, almost had a heart attack at the australian customs...but it's all good, they just had to update their records. other than that, no major problems :)
sigh i'm falling asleep as i'm blogging...not good...need coffee....
nobody said it will be easy. but i have to do it the hard way.
Melvin asked me to read Matthew 5-7 on my flight...but i didn't. i only read it when i was on the bus.
i was so tired...boarding the plane at 11pm, i was just so down.
there's so many reasons for that...but the biggest reason was partings.
i get separation anxiety. i cannot just say bye and leave.
maybe that's why my goodbyes are always so prolonged...
i'm beginning to realise that my problems are not going to just disappear. i have to make decisions and stick to them. i took the first step today. nevertheless, i still felt like giving in and just breaking my resolution. but i stopped myself. it feels like i'm cutting off an arm or a leg...but sometimes, that is the extent one has to go through. and it's better to go through a lot of pain now than dragging it on and losing focus, losing sight of the bigger picture, the happy ending, eternal life...
i think i only managed to get 4 hours sleep last night on the plane...my eyes are hurting from lack of sleep and tears i've cried. thanks to No Reservations, the movie i was only halfway through when they turned off the entertainment system! sai... but the good thing about Etihad (ET's hut ;) ) is that u can choose whatever movies you want to watch and watch it whenever you want! awesome huh!! but the service is not so good...but considering that SIA's service is also getting worse, i guess it's just like a notch below SIA... hopefully business class will be better. i'm looking forward to bigger seats!!! LOL economy can get very squishy...especially with a larger person sitting next to you >_<
i caught the sunrise from the plane - hurray for window seats! it was so beautiful, i was moved to tears....ok ok i'm just really emotionally unstable at the moment alright!?! sleep deprivation mainly to blame...that and my internal struggles... but really wished i could have taken a photo. if only i had my O2...or a camera... hmm...i kept sobbing uncontrollably when i was watching the movie, and the lady who was sitting beside me, trying to sleep kept giving me irritated looks, which i caught out of the corner of my eye - so sorry!
i think i will sleep well tonight, i'm already so very exhausted! i'm glad Gold Coast is 2 hours ahead of Singapore time! LOL
but i noticed that there have been a few changes around since I was last here in August...it's always so hard to see that life goes on even when i'm not around. people get on with their lives, move on... i wonder what it will be like when we next meet again. i don't want to think about it but i can't help but just wonder...arm and leg michelle!!!
it's good to be with my family again. my parents and sister...already, the complaints have started...LOL oh well. thinking what i want/need for Christmas. parents want to get me something useful =/ i have no clue either!
i feel like sleeping now! it's only 2.30pm...maybe i need to get for a short walk, clear my head.
oh the weather is not too bad! i prefer winter though...hate hot weather =/
in typical Gold Coast fashion, the sun was out and shining, though it was overcast and cloudy. it drizzled a little before but that passed very quickly. it's a bit humid though, but not as bad as sg.
going out for dinner tonight i think...
oh, almost had a heart attack at the australian customs...but it's all good, they just had to update their records. other than that, no major problems :)
sigh i'm falling asleep as i'm blogging...not good...need coffee....
Sunday, December 16, 2007
goodbye
am at the Changi Airport, about to board my flight...
super depressing night...things happening that frustrated me...my stupid credit card bill.....
i miss the girls already....i think it made it so much harder cos they were here to send me off!
thanks my dears for coming to see me off...will post up photos soon!
LOVE my dear girls SOOOOOOOOO much...i'm gonna cry myself to sleep later....
super depressing night...things happening that frustrated me...my stupid credit card bill.....
i miss the girls already....i think it made it so much harder cos they were here to send me off!
thanks my dears for coming to see me off...will post up photos soon!
LOVE my dear girls SOOOOOOOOO much...i'm gonna cry myself to sleep later....
Friday, December 14, 2007
nothing-ness
that last post pretty much said it all...that's what my heart is saying, but i'm trying to change directions. it seems like thoughts of him has been consuming me, heart and mind. need to break out of it!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Stardust
i love this movie!!! it's gotta be tops at the moment...just when i thought fairy tales couldn't get any better~~
one of my favourite quotes...
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
one of my favourite quotes...
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
tests
this weekend was a series of tests...
firstly, there was the no speaking test.
wow, that's hard cos well...if you know, you understand ;)
yesterday was extra hard. i was in so much pain, stomach cramps are no fun at all. and i don't get stomach cramps very often, although lately i've been getting gastric pains quite frequently.
and it was very torturous. i'm not sure if i prefer the pain until i feel like dying for a few minutes then it's gone or the barely bearable pain that drags out for a whole day or longer.
i got home and i was just so miserable i felt the need to talk to someone...
one particular person...
but i steeled up and took painkillers and hid under my blanket.
then there's the oh-so-sweet gesture...
the girls (Qi) jumped straight to all sorts of theories -___-
but then when she pointed that out i thought to myself, oh no is it because i didn't say anything that's why he did that??!!! that if i had just said, DON'T...then he wouldn't have done it?
but that's not the point. i was happy to see him, but at the same time i felt indifferent.
BUT i still did feel a warm tug. DON'T THINK THAT FAR MICHELLE!!! so i stopped myself and took my actions in check, not to get too far away...
i'm still wrestling but hopefully it gets easier.......
it's because i care for him too much
firstly, there was the no speaking test.
wow, that's hard cos well...if you know, you understand ;)
yesterday was extra hard. i was in so much pain, stomach cramps are no fun at all. and i don't get stomach cramps very often, although lately i've been getting gastric pains quite frequently.
and it was very torturous. i'm not sure if i prefer the pain until i feel like dying for a few minutes then it's gone or the barely bearable pain that drags out for a whole day or longer.
i got home and i was just so miserable i felt the need to talk to someone...
one particular person...
but i steeled up and took painkillers and hid under my blanket.
then there's the oh-so-sweet gesture...
the girls (Qi) jumped straight to all sorts of theories -___-
but then when she pointed that out i thought to myself, oh no is it because i didn't say anything that's why he did that??!!! that if i had just said, DON'T...then he wouldn't have done it?
but that's not the point. i was happy to see him, but at the same time i felt indifferent.
BUT i still did feel a warm tug. DON'T THINK THAT FAR MICHELLE!!! so i stopped myself and took my actions in check, not to get too far away...
i'm still wrestling but hopefully it gets easier.......
it's because i care for him too much
Friday, December 07, 2007
God is good!
I feel so deliriously happy today! And I really praise God for giving me this inner peace that I haven’t had for a very long time!
The world just seems like such a brighter place…
I woke up late today =/ yes, again…but it was entirely my fault.
In the whole confusion and excitement of last night’s laptop crisis, it totally slipped my mind that I hadn’t set my alarm!
I opened my eyes this morning and to my horror, it was bright outside! I thought to myself, “it shouldn’t be so bright at 6.30 in the morning”, checked the time and almost fainted when I saw that it was 7.30 – the time I would be leaving the house!
Lucky for me, I’ve been kind of in training to get ready for work in the shortest amount of time possible for the last 2 weeks (to get maximum zzz time) and I managed to leave the house at 8.05am, got a taxi within 5mins and made it to the office in 10mins! Phew!
Part of the reason for my chirpiness today is probably of the many things I have to look forward to:
- meeting the girls after work (YAYYY!!!!!)
- lunch date with JBaby (yes, no more JPoh ;) )
- 10 days to Gold Coast!!! Home for Christmas with my family :)
Seems like nothing can get me down today! Not even the very frustrating program that runs my report that is always slow and deliver my reports late! Not even the fact that Anthony has left me a LONG list of things to do while he is on block leave! Not even the gloomy threatening-to-rain-anytime skies whilst I’m stuck at work!
To top off a GREAT day, the 2 girls I’ve been anxiously worried about the last few days are doing well. And I’ll be seeing my darling girl that I’ve been missing and worrying for the last 2 weeks plus tonight! Dear Siping has emailed me this morning…thank God for healing her stomach problems and that he has been faithful to her, in comfort and encouragement. He never fails! I’m also hoping my baby ah Qi is feeling a lift in her spirits :) I will continue to pray that God will guard these 2 special ladies from negative thoughts and continue to encourage them and comfort them in their darkest hours. Sinyee darling, all of us have been worried while you travel overseas alone. Can’t wait to catch up with you tonight!
On the topic of all my cares and worries washed away, one big emotional burden seems to be lifted and I thank all my wonderful dears who have been praying for me! I think I might actually be on the road to recovery for this broken heart of mine! I wasn’t plagued with the usual questionings and wonderings of *ahem and my heart just feels so light and bursting with joyfulness!
I’m super excited about going home for Christmas too! I’ve been a little apprehensive (not sure why) about going home, not wanting to leave the loved ones who will be here in Singapore. But after my phone call with my family on Wednesday night while I was getting ready to do revaluation at7pm, I came to realize that I really do miss all of them and that I can’t wait to see them again and give them all big hugs and kisses!! My sweet little sister sent me a text yesterday:
I’m so excited and can’t wait to see what she will be surprising me with! She also said that we will be having breakfast at Main Beach, shopping lots, going to the beach plenty and going for drinks with Kat and Dean! Wow…busy-ness!
OH! And last night I randomly turned on the TV after the laptop debacle and it was showing America’s Next Top Model and the final two models came out for the final judging. And one look and I just went “they’re wearing Sass & Bide!” (and they were too) and I got super excited cos when I go back, not only will there be a HUGE range of Sass & Bide’s for me to choose from, but Dean’s promised me a discount when I buy from them!! YAY!!!
Hope everyone else has a FANTABULOUS day too!!!
The world just seems like such a brighter place…
I woke up late today =/ yes, again…but it was entirely my fault.
In the whole confusion and excitement of last night’s laptop crisis, it totally slipped my mind that I hadn’t set my alarm!
I opened my eyes this morning and to my horror, it was bright outside! I thought to myself, “it shouldn’t be so bright at 6.30 in the morning”, checked the time and almost fainted when I saw that it was 7.30 – the time I would be leaving the house!
Lucky for me, I’ve been kind of in training to get ready for work in the shortest amount of time possible for the last 2 weeks (to get maximum zzz time) and I managed to leave the house at 8.05am, got a taxi within 5mins and made it to the office in 10mins! Phew!
Part of the reason for my chirpiness today is probably of the many things I have to look forward to:
- meeting the girls after work (YAYYY!!!!!)
- lunch date with JBaby (yes, no more JPoh ;) )
- 10 days to Gold Coast!!! Home for Christmas with my family :)
Seems like nothing can get me down today! Not even the very frustrating program that runs my report that is always slow and deliver my reports late! Not even the fact that Anthony has left me a LONG list of things to do while he is on block leave! Not even the gloomy threatening-to-rain-anytime skies whilst I’m stuck at work!
To top off a GREAT day, the 2 girls I’ve been anxiously worried about the last few days are doing well. And I’ll be seeing my darling girl that I’ve been missing and worrying for the last 2 weeks plus tonight! Dear Siping has emailed me this morning…thank God for healing her stomach problems and that he has been faithful to her, in comfort and encouragement. He never fails! I’m also hoping my baby ah Qi is feeling a lift in her spirits :) I will continue to pray that God will guard these 2 special ladies from negative thoughts and continue to encourage them and comfort them in their darkest hours. Sinyee darling, all of us have been worried while you travel overseas alone. Can’t wait to catch up with you tonight!
On the topic of all my cares and worries washed away, one big emotional burden seems to be lifted and I thank all my wonderful dears who have been praying for me! I think I might actually be on the road to recovery for this broken heart of mine! I wasn’t plagued with the usual questionings and wonderings of *ahem and my heart just feels so light and bursting with joyfulness!
I’m super excited about going home for Christmas too! I’ve been a little apprehensive (not sure why) about going home, not wanting to leave the loved ones who will be here in Singapore. But after my phone call with my family on Wednesday night while I was getting ready to do revaluation at7pm, I came to realize that I really do miss all of them and that I can’t wait to see them again and give them all big hugs and kisses!! My sweet little sister sent me a text yesterday:
Hey big sis! Went 2 brisy 2day 4 shopin hehe we shd go wen ur here 2. finally
got all ur xmas presents n half my pay is gone but still duno wat 2 get 4 mum n
dad!
I’m so excited and can’t wait to see what she will be surprising me with! She also said that we will be having breakfast at Main Beach, shopping lots, going to the beach plenty and going for drinks with Kat and Dean! Wow…busy-ness!
OH! And last night I randomly turned on the TV after the laptop debacle and it was showing America’s Next Top Model and the final two models came out for the final judging. And one look and I just went “they’re wearing Sass & Bide!” (and they were too) and I got super excited cos when I go back, not only will there be a HUGE range of Sass & Bide’s for me to choose from, but Dean’s promised me a discount when I buy from them!! YAY!!!
Hope everyone else has a FANTABULOUS day too!!!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
laptop crisis
a few minutes ago, the following took place...
there was this bug that's like flying around like crazy and i was really pissed so i kept try to kill it by hitting it but it was just so freaking fast then i totally lost it and was like on a swatting rampage and i whacked it (no didnt get it, just air) and hit the corner of my laptop and the whole screen just went funny!!! like it was jumping and i couldn't turn the freaking thing off!! so i called nicholas (the computer expert) but he didnt answer his phone!!! and i totally panicked and almost died and having a heart attack and then i called fiona and told her wat happened and she was like, did u try holding down the power button and i was like duhz of course! then she asked her cousin who's staying with her and he's like, uh it means u hv to take it the repair centre. anyway i ended up pulling out the power and risked getting electrocuted by pulling out the battery but it worked. and when i restarted my laptop, everything was fine again :)
but i got such a scare and totally flipped out. oh no...what if i couldn't use my laptop for awhile?!! i would die!! then i realised that everyday, no matter how late i get home, i always turn it on to check my emails and have a few chats online before heading to sleep. that's a habit i need to break...
that and the other thing....letting go....trying not to let things bother me...dear fiona always reminds me - mind!!! haha thanks dear :) much appreciated...and i'm trying really hard, it's difficult...
my dear darling baby girl,
perhaps you will read this, maybe not. you mean so much to so many people. my heart breaks because you're suffering, my tears flow for you. please be strong and don't despair. i know you're sad, so just cry and humble yourself before the Lord...he hears your prayers, he knows your pain. don't lose hope, but hope in the Lord. i'm at a loss for advice but i'm always there for you just as you've been there for me. i'll be a better friend, i'll be sweeter to you than i am to...(u can finish the rest of that sentence ;)).
love, hugs, kisses.
xoxo
ps: i want my crazy half back!!
perhaps you will read this, maybe not. you mean so much to so many people. my heart breaks because you're suffering, my tears flow for you. please be strong and don't despair. i know you're sad, so just cry and humble yourself before the Lord...he hears your prayers, he knows your pain. don't lose hope, but hope in the Lord. i'm at a loss for advice but i'm always there for you just as you've been there for me. i'll be a better friend, i'll be sweeter to you than i am to...(u can finish the rest of that sentence ;)).
love, hugs, kisses.
xoxo
ps: i want my crazy half back!!
somebody save me
i'm falling so far because...
- you're so selfless
- you're gentle and kind
- you make me laugh
- you listen to my problems and dreams
- you never hurt me intentionally
- you're super considerate (maybe a little bit too much...)
i know i've fallen because...
- everything you say brings a smile to my face
- i miss you when you're not around
- i feel safe when i'm next to you
- i thank God for bringing you into my life
but all of this....ends now.
i know it won't work out, never will, i don't want to hope.
i feel like running away, going somewhere far away from you - out of sight, out of mind.
somehow, i feel, i'm just not good enough. ok, need to stop that! but i look around me and i know...i'm surrounded by beautiful friends with warm hearts. they're like stars who shine brighter than the sun. i don't know why i get so depressed. fatal thoughts invade my mind intent on poisoning me.
i'm so tired...recharge please...
some people are called to be leaders, others followers. none is better off than the other. then there are some who are groomed to be leaders. you learn how to go from a shy, introverted mouse to become a confident speaker to a big crowd. but in truth, you just learn to put up a front. and hide the same scared little mouse that you are behind it.
i've been traumatised...will i ever get anywhere?
which direction am i heading for?
am i to walk it alone?
- you're so selfless
- you're gentle and kind
- you make me laugh
- you listen to my problems and dreams
- you never hurt me intentionally
- you're super considerate (maybe a little bit too much...)
i know i've fallen because...
- everything you say brings a smile to my face
- i miss you when you're not around
- i feel safe when i'm next to you
- i thank God for bringing you into my life
but all of this....ends now.
i know it won't work out, never will, i don't want to hope.
i feel like running away, going somewhere far away from you - out of sight, out of mind.
somehow, i feel, i'm just not good enough. ok, need to stop that! but i look around me and i know...i'm surrounded by beautiful friends with warm hearts. they're like stars who shine brighter than the sun. i don't know why i get so depressed. fatal thoughts invade my mind intent on poisoning me.
i'm so tired...recharge please...
some people are called to be leaders, others followers. none is better off than the other. then there are some who are groomed to be leaders. you learn how to go from a shy, introverted mouse to become a confident speaker to a big crowd. but in truth, you just learn to put up a front. and hide the same scared little mouse that you are behind it.
i've been traumatised...will i ever get anywhere?
which direction am i heading for?
am i to walk it alone?
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Another Sunday without the crew
I'm missing my Sundays with the usual peeps...
it does feel awfully lonely...i only have nic around but that's like nothing cos he always runs off after 12... -__-
but I'm really enjoying the kids now too! :)
today we played games with the JC2 kids. we were meant to play in the level 4 hall but cos JC1 were doing a test run of the Christmas play on the 16 Dec - it's at 11.15am and you all should come watch!!! LOL!
so we decided to move out to the plaza where, although it was hot, thank God for the tenting!
at first, the kids were a little unenthusiastic to start with but once we got into a game of dog & bone, they started enjoying themselves too :)
and I had lots of fun too!
I can't wait for the coming Sunday - trip to the ZOO with the special kids!!
I'm so excited! it'll be the first time i've been to the zoo in yonks! HAHA!!
i sure feel like one of the kids >_<
after church I went to watch Enchanted with dear little Esther :)
it was a sweet movie but I can't help but compare it with Stardust and how that was so much better.
after the movie we went to City Hall to meet up with Chris and Pao (and Denise came along with Pao)
we were deadset on Max Brenner to reminisce of cold winter days in Melbourne, warming ourselves up with a mug of steamy Max Brenner hot chocolate....mmmm.......
but i can just go on dreaming cos we missed out on it :(
they were closed for a private event (damn you Estee Lauder!!!!) so we had to find an alternative.....the Singapore Arts Cafe...
then we had dinner at Sushi Tei (somehow I never get tired of it! hee) before we all went home for an early night! (see...getting old)
it does feel awfully lonely...i only have nic around but that's like nothing cos he always runs off after 12... -__-
but I'm really enjoying the kids now too! :)
today we played games with the JC2 kids. we were meant to play in the level 4 hall but cos JC1 were doing a test run of the Christmas play on the 16 Dec - it's at 11.15am and you all should come watch!!! LOL!
so we decided to move out to the plaza where, although it was hot, thank God for the tenting!
at first, the kids were a little unenthusiastic to start with but once we got into a game of dog & bone, they started enjoying themselves too :)
and I had lots of fun too!
I can't wait for the coming Sunday - trip to the ZOO with the special kids!!
I'm so excited! it'll be the first time i've been to the zoo in yonks! HAHA!!
i sure feel like one of the kids >_<
after church I went to watch Enchanted with dear little Esther :)
it was a sweet movie but I can't help but compare it with Stardust and how that was so much better.
after the movie we went to City Hall to meet up with Chris and Pao (and Denise came along with Pao)
we were deadset on Max Brenner to reminisce of cold winter days in Melbourne, warming ourselves up with a mug of steamy Max Brenner hot chocolate....mmmm.......
but i can just go on dreaming cos we missed out on it :(
they were closed for a private event (damn you Estee Lauder!!!!) so we had to find an alternative.....the Singapore Arts Cafe...
then we had dinner at Sushi Tei (somehow I never get tired of it! hee) before we all went home for an early night! (see...getting old)
Saturday, December 01, 2007
before i leave for my movie date....
the week has gone by so fast!
i kindda feel depressed...hmm maybe not so serious, more like upset and confused.
quite a few things have happened this week.
a lot of things that i've thought about and analysed to death!
i'm really scared. i missed deadlines. application deadlines, that is.
what will my future bring? it's my fault. i lack confidence.
i'm really very scared....
i need to get my act together. i think i'm slowly breaking down, falling to pieces...
i cling on to what is not there. i'm delusional...
but i find comfort in JC...Psalms 23
i kindda feel depressed...hmm maybe not so serious, more like upset and confused.
quite a few things have happened this week.
a lot of things that i've thought about and analysed to death!
i'm really scared. i missed deadlines. application deadlines, that is.
what will my future bring? it's my fault. i lack confidence.
i'm really very scared....
i need to get my act together. i think i'm slowly breaking down, falling to pieces...
i cling on to what is not there. i'm delusional...
but i find comfort in JC...Psalms 23
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