it's Christmas eve but i'm not excited.
i feel really sad....that it seems like Christmas is all about Santa (u re-arrange and it equals Satan) and presents. and people don't seem happy at Christmas time either. they are rushing to buy presents, they get irritated and angry, they cringe as the credit card gets swiped through...
it's all about everyone for themselves, maybe some love for those around...
but it's not about what this day is supposed to be - the birth of Jesus Christ. the one who came to die for our sins.
it's really sad to think that children these days know who Santa is but ask them about Jesus and most will have no idea.
parents even rally against teaching Christian education in public schools. and even some private schools too!
most private schools are Christian schools but Christian education classes become an option in year 11 and 12.
sometimes it all feels too much....why would anyone want to live forever in this broken world?!
Monday, December 24, 2007
champagne and turkey party
that's what we're doing tonight....
it should be nice though. the restaurant is by the ocean =) but not so sure if champagne and turkey will fill me up...and i'm designated driver too =/ hmm....sMELly will most likely go crazy over the champagne...
i'm already feeling tired....
just wanna curl up and die.....
it should be nice though. the restaurant is by the ocean =) but not so sure if champagne and turkey will fill me up...and i'm designated driver too =/ hmm....sMELly will most likely go crazy over the champagne...
i'm already feeling tired....
just wanna curl up and die.....
Questions with no straight answers
i thought it would be ok. i don't know why i still feel so sensitive...perhaps my friends were right...about me keeping my distance.
questions questions....
why is the sky blue?
why is the grass green?
why did i go darker?
why did i wear pink?
should i wear my red dress?
do i really like my big bed?
should i downsize my bed?
why can't i stop eating junk food?
did i set my alarm clock?
......when am i going too far?
watched Becoming Jane last night and Pirates: At World's End (again)...
why do i like period dramas? hmmm
can i get over it? yes yes
questions questions....
why is the sky blue?
why is the grass green?
why did i go darker?
why did i wear pink?
should i wear my red dress?
do i really like my big bed?
should i downsize my bed?
why can't i stop eating junk food?
did i set my alarm clock?
......when am i going too far?
watched Becoming Jane last night and Pirates: At World's End (again)...
why do i like period dramas? hmmm
can i get over it? yes yes
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Happy Birthday Gloria Phua!!!!
dear GLORIA PHUA has finally turned 22!!!! =)
called her up and asked her if she knew who was on the line....
GP kept saying "sarah? sarah?"
when i said no for like the hundredth time she asked me to say a sentence....
and then another sentence.....
and then another sentence......
finally she gets it!
...and blames it on my singlish-ness that she didn't guess it the first time...
sai!
it was good having a little chat with her....
but in typical gloria fashion, she hasn't changed her return date to singapore yet!!!!
LOL
looking forward to your return GP!! we've missed having you around!
xoxo hope your birthday was heaps lovely =) xoxo
called her up and asked her if she knew who was on the line....
GP kept saying "sarah? sarah?"
when i said no for like the hundredth time she asked me to say a sentence....
and then another sentence.....
and then another sentence......
finally she gets it!
...and blames it on my singlish-ness that she didn't guess it the first time...
sai!
it was good having a little chat with her....
but in typical gloria fashion, she hasn't changed her return date to singapore yet!!!!
LOL
looking forward to your return GP!! we've missed having you around!
xoxo hope your birthday was heaps lovely =) xoxo
Saturday, December 22, 2007
wheeee caffeine freeeeeee
....................or not!
with no starbucks coveniently located within walking distance, coupled with the fact that i haven't been to Zaraffa's yet (except to check out the hot guy my sister is crushing on), means that i haven't had a single drop of coffee since the girls sent me off on Sunday night! almost a week!
but a confession....i've been guzzling down coke like water!! O_O
that's gotta stop.....
with no starbucks coveniently located within walking distance, coupled with the fact that i haven't been to Zaraffa's yet (except to check out the hot guy my sister is crushing on), means that i haven't had a single drop of coffee since the girls sent me off on Sunday night! almost a week!
but a confession....i've been guzzling down coke like water!! O_O
that's gotta stop.....
funny daddy
sometimes i forget how funny my dad is....
it's a dry sense of humour, mostly sarcastic and sometimes mean!
last night at dinner, my dad asked me if people in Singapore think i speak Aussie.
somehow my mum came up with the comment that my sister still has her singlish slang when she speaks to us but has an accent when she speaks to her friends.
my sister then argued that my mum does the same as well.
sensing that things might end up hostile, i gave a rendition of my own impression of my mum, then my dad, and then my sister of what they say that is "uniquely Aussie"!
so my dad said something along the lines of my sister speaking like a bird, and he said, "like a sparrow!" my sister, not satisfied, said, "why sparrow? why not bluebird??!!"
then my dad said, "you want to be a bluebird??!!! you know what bluebird is in hokkien???!!!!" which sent my mum into a fit of laughter....
i'll let you figure out what it translates to in hokkien...........
it's a dry sense of humour, mostly sarcastic and sometimes mean!
last night at dinner, my dad asked me if people in Singapore think i speak Aussie.
somehow my mum came up with the comment that my sister still has her singlish slang when she speaks to us but has an accent when she speaks to her friends.
my sister then argued that my mum does the same as well.
sensing that things might end up hostile, i gave a rendition of my own impression of my mum, then my dad, and then my sister of what they say that is "uniquely Aussie"!
so my dad said something along the lines of my sister speaking like a bird, and he said, "like a sparrow!" my sister, not satisfied, said, "why sparrow? why not bluebird??!!"
then my dad said, "you want to be a bluebird??!!! you know what bluebird is in hokkien???!!!!" which sent my mum into a fit of laughter....
i'll let you figure out what it translates to in hokkien...........
time for a change
i did something last night! a small change, probably one that most people won't even notice. will see if the girls can spot it...Qi most likely will ;) i like this change. will stick with it for a while!
**i feel so carefree!! =) **
Christmas shopping
it's been a tough shopping time....Christmas always is! i really hate buying presents at Christmas and also at birthdays, pretty much ANY celebration where gifts are a must. don't get me wrong, i love giving presents. but i want and love giving them when i do it on impulse. sometimes, i will be walking along doing my own shopping and see something that i know so-and-so will love. or just a thoughtful gift for a dear friend who might need something to brighten up their day. i don't like the stress and pressure and RUSH of needing to buy someone a present. the decisions that need to be made, the coordination skills needed (!!!) and....especially at Christmas time where you have to wrestle the crowds...there will be tears! let me tell you, the agony i went through the whole week before my flight to Australia...i hardly got any sleep that week! rushing to the shops after work, trying to find the right gifts, mentally adding up the $$ i've spent... then going home, trying to pack my bags, being too tired, barely sleeping and up again to be at work by 8am....zzzz i really felt like i was just floating through the week, lucky for me there were no big problems at work apart from being really really busy.
the last few days i've been making lists of Christmas presents...it's so difficult...and then madly running out of my parents' store for a few minutes at a time to go look and buy presents. this morning was crazy! but i got most of it done...and i'm quickly running out of money too! been swiping a lot =/ i'm going to be on a tight budget the next few months...trying to squeeze in a weekend in HK in Feb though...to see my dear Judy :) i miss her so much, she's always been my voice of rationality and reason! she'll be stopping over in HK for only a few days and it's the only time i will be able to see her when she's close enough...
the good thing about shopping in Australia is that there is no massive crowds like in Singapore!!! what a great feeling it is NOT to have people in your face, shoving and pushing! last Saturday when Qi and i were in Orchard....omgosh....claustrophobia!!! i love wide open spaces!!!!!!!
i got a few dvds too...looking forward to spending my afternoons with the girls camped out in front of the tv and lots of snacks!
the last few days i've been making lists of Christmas presents...it's so difficult...and then madly running out of my parents' store for a few minutes at a time to go look and buy presents. this morning was crazy! but i got most of it done...and i'm quickly running out of money too! been swiping a lot =/ i'm going to be on a tight budget the next few months...trying to squeeze in a weekend in HK in Feb though...to see my dear Judy :) i miss her so much, she's always been my voice of rationality and reason! she'll be stopping over in HK for only a few days and it's the only time i will be able to see her when she's close enough...
the good thing about shopping in Australia is that there is no massive crowds like in Singapore!!! what a great feeling it is NOT to have people in your face, shoving and pushing! last Saturday when Qi and i were in Orchard....omgosh....claustrophobia!!! i love wide open spaces!!!!!!!
i got a few dvds too...looking forward to spending my afternoons with the girls camped out in front of the tv and lots of snacks!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas dinner @ Bobby's, Chijmes
thanks to Jane dear who shared these photos!! now just waiting for JBaby to send me hers! :)
our department, Market Risk Management Department, as Bryan kept stressing on, had our Christmas dinner on Friday, 14 Dec 2007, at Bobby's Restaurant, Chijmes. a few people were missed :( but it was overall, a night of good fun! was a bit sad that we were seated so far away from the little boys and girls ;) but the cosy four always = fabulous night out! we (Joelle, Andrew, Darren and Osborn) kicked on to loof! at Odeon Towers into the wee hours of the morning...left at 3am! the ribs were really good and i'm sure the boss did kenna a huge bill at the end of the night! Nolan did like 3 flaming lamborghinis =/ i paced myself pretty well but still managed to get slightly tipsy! uh-oh....but i'm being a good girl now, haven't had a drop...don't really feel the need/urge to drink anyways :)
Jane, me, Joelle
all of us, the young ones :)
our department, Market Risk Management Department, as Bryan kept stressing on, had our Christmas dinner on Friday, 14 Dec 2007, at Bobby's Restaurant, Chijmes. a few people were missed :( but it was overall, a night of good fun! was a bit sad that we were seated so far away from the little boys and girls ;) but the cosy four always = fabulous night out! we (Joelle, Andrew, Darren and Osborn) kicked on to loof! at Odeon Towers into the wee hours of the morning...left at 3am! the ribs were really good and i'm sure the boss did kenna a huge bill at the end of the night! Nolan did like 3 flaming lamborghinis =/ i paced myself pretty well but still managed to get slightly tipsy! uh-oh....but i'm being a good girl now, haven't had a drop...don't really feel the need/urge to drink anyways :)
Jane, me, Joelle 
me, Joelle
Darren, Andrew, Osborn, Nolan
(what is Andrew doing?!!)
all of us, the young ones :)
shopping spree in 45 mins!!
went to my usual haunt to buy some new clothes...
with only as little time as possible to shop, smells helped me to choose a bunch of clothes and i madly tried them ALL on, some change of sizes, then the final decision....which was quite easy since i liked almost all of them!
ended up with 7 items, totalling $492, that is with discount too! i almost fainted when i converted to SGD......SGD632 faint faint and that was using a conservative exchange rate too!
yesterday was very quiet though...with all my girls not online (no work!)
i was busy planning presents though, and wondering how i can fit in shopping time!
i so badly wanted to sleep!! i'm still craving more sleep....zzzz
it was late night shopping last night so we didn't go out for dinner but worked instead!
thought about my upcoming appraisal and some goals...made me really think about my future. i'm so glad to have my mummy to help me and to advice me.
Wednesday night sMELly gave me some good advice too...she's probably the only person who knows me so well without even me knowing! she just knows things even though i never said anything, even though distance has separated us for the past year...i guess that's what sisters are for :) she really forced me to admit some things that i don't want to admit, that i was too ashamed to admit. and it really opened my eyes...opened the eyes of my heart too. i'm so re-focused now, on everything that's important...and i really need this focus to, for the next year and beyond...to really save up and be ready - for our move to the big apple! our 5 year plan :) i'm already planning for my mba....nyu or wharton??
so for now, i'm just gonna enjoy life and all it brings! next few months will be busy for me and i need to strive to stay alive!
with only as little time as possible to shop, smells helped me to choose a bunch of clothes and i madly tried them ALL on, some change of sizes, then the final decision....which was quite easy since i liked almost all of them!
ended up with 7 items, totalling $492, that is with discount too! i almost fainted when i converted to SGD......SGD632 faint faint and that was using a conservative exchange rate too!
yesterday was very quiet though...with all my girls not online (no work!)
i was busy planning presents though, and wondering how i can fit in shopping time!
i so badly wanted to sleep!! i'm still craving more sleep....zzzz
it was late night shopping last night so we didn't go out for dinner but worked instead!
thought about my upcoming appraisal and some goals...made me really think about my future. i'm so glad to have my mummy to help me and to advice me.
Wednesday night sMELly gave me some good advice too...she's probably the only person who knows me so well without even me knowing! she just knows things even though i never said anything, even though distance has separated us for the past year...i guess that's what sisters are for :) she really forced me to admit some things that i don't want to admit, that i was too ashamed to admit. and it really opened my eyes...opened the eyes of my heart too. i'm so re-focused now, on everything that's important...and i really need this focus to, for the next year and beyond...to really save up and be ready - for our move to the big apple! our 5 year plan :) i'm already planning for my mba....nyu or wharton??
so for now, i'm just gonna enjoy life and all it brings! next few months will be busy for me and i need to strive to stay alive!
breakfast with the MODELS
LOL didn't take any photos cos my SISTER forgot the camera even though i reminded her last night!!
to make sure we were both up early (and not late), sMELly left a gap in the curtains...
meaning that it was so bright at 5am that i woke up, panicked, looked at clock: 4.59, remembered that i'm in Aussie where the sunrises at insane hours of the morning, turned over and buried myself under the covers...
finally got kicked out at 7.15 and got dressed in a sleepy daze.
we left the house about 8am and i checked the street directory for directions to budd's beach.
i almost passed the directory to my sister, but on second thoughts, i just put it away....lol can just imagine what would take place:
me: can i turn down this street?
her: which street is it again?
me: um, cypress avenue
her: what street are we on?
me: gold coast highway
her: where is that on the map?
me: it's the big black line!!!! the GOLD COAST HIGHWAY!!!!
her: ......i don't see it.......
then i probably would have to just rely on my instincts, which i ended up doing since there were barely any right turns and U-turns were a no-no.
i quite easily found bumbles on river drive, it's a really nice, sweet cafe on a corner! it's such a lovely place that i'll definitely be returning again next time i'm in town!
had breakfast with sMELly, Gab and Jazi...the 3 models!!! ok, so only Gab is a pro model...but Jazi and Mel are also very model-esque, that i feel like a heffer next to them... o_O :(
wonderful time chatting and discussing the high divorce rates amongst young couples who get married at about 20. i think it must have been quite depressing for Gab, she's engaged and planning to get married next year :) but just like she said, "i'm planning to get married....and not get divorced!"
after breakfast, i dropped sMELly off at the shop and went to renew my driver's licence.... o_O horrible photo......
to make sure we were both up early (and not late), sMELly left a gap in the curtains...
meaning that it was so bright at 5am that i woke up, panicked, looked at clock: 4.59, remembered that i'm in Aussie where the sunrises at insane hours of the morning, turned over and buried myself under the covers...
finally got kicked out at 7.15 and got dressed in a sleepy daze.
we left the house about 8am and i checked the street directory for directions to budd's beach.
i almost passed the directory to my sister, but on second thoughts, i just put it away....lol can just imagine what would take place:
me: can i turn down this street?
her: which street is it again?
me: um, cypress avenue
her: what street are we on?
me: gold coast highway
her: where is that on the map?
me: it's the big black line!!!! the GOLD COAST HIGHWAY!!!!
her: ......i don't see it.......
then i probably would have to just rely on my instincts, which i ended up doing since there were barely any right turns and U-turns were a no-no.
i quite easily found bumbles on river drive, it's a really nice, sweet cafe on a corner! it's such a lovely place that i'll definitely be returning again next time i'm in town!
had breakfast with sMELly, Gab and Jazi...the 3 models!!! ok, so only Gab is a pro model...but Jazi and Mel are also very model-esque, that i feel like a heffer next to them... o_O :(
wonderful time chatting and discussing the high divorce rates amongst young couples who get married at about 20. i think it must have been quite depressing for Gab, she's engaged and planning to get married next year :) but just like she said, "i'm planning to get married....and not get divorced!"
after breakfast, i dropped sMELly off at the shop and went to renew my driver's licence.... o_O horrible photo......
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wednesday's a-torture
my mum just called herself "old lady"!! ROFL
oh and i decided that i shall just blog on and on and on and then when i get home then i'll upload the photos and just label the dates on it! haha! genius!!! LOL i shall stop complimenting myself...am making myself blush heez!
nothing exciting today. am eating alot, getting very well-fed here! tonight is teppanyaki! we missed out last night so we're going tonight instead :)
i didn't manage to get any reading done again...will have to make extra efforts tomorrow!! and i haven't finished my Christmas cards...looks like I can forget about posting them alr.... =/ so boys and girls...you will be receiving them AFTER Christmas lol
realise that i haven't had time to think either....just quietly go away by myself and sort out my thoughts, my life, my future....
i just want to....
- have xiao long bao with JBaby
- whisper and giggle over the phone with ah Qi
- have coffee with ah lee
- tickle torture fionie
- pour out all my ****** problems to miss peh (don't try to decipher all the *** cos it doesn't replace a * for a letter! those who know will know, and those who don't just won't!)
so many other things i want to do....so little time!
oh and i decided that i shall just blog on and on and on and then when i get home then i'll upload the photos and just label the dates on it! haha! genius!!! LOL i shall stop complimenting myself...am making myself blush heez!
nothing exciting today. am eating alot, getting very well-fed here! tonight is teppanyaki! we missed out last night so we're going tonight instead :)
i didn't manage to get any reading done again...will have to make extra efforts tomorrow!! and i haven't finished my Christmas cards...looks like I can forget about posting them alr.... =/ so boys and girls...you will be receiving them AFTER Christmas lol
realise that i haven't had time to think either....just quietly go away by myself and sort out my thoughts, my life, my future....
i just want to....
- have xiao long bao with JBaby
- whisper and giggle over the phone with ah Qi
- have coffee with ah lee
- tickle torture fionie
- pour out all my ****** problems to miss peh (don't try to decipher all the *** cos it doesn't replace a * for a letter! those who know will know, and those who don't just won't!)
so many other things i want to do....so little time!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Two for Tuesdays?
took a bunch of photos today on my phone camera....
then realised that i can't upload them!!! stupid michelle....
so i'm debating whether to post up my posts without the photos for now or to save them and then post them up when the photos come in......???
anyway after my late start today, i again spent the better of my day chatting and emailing back and forth...i managed to read 2 sentences from my finance book (on fixed income markets, ohh how exciting!! *dripping with sarcasm here). and i did a puzzle! a jigsaw puzzle! LOL most exciting part of my day haha!
oh wait, i also went to the salon to get my hair cut! ok, not really cut at all, more like a trim and then some treatment. was considering colouring my hair but then....i decided not to!
tonight, the initial plan was to have teppanyaki at our favourite Jap teppan haunt Yamagen...but they were fully booked so we went to Fellini's, an upscale Italian bistro by the water at Marina Mirage. from our table view of the broadwater and gold coast, my sister and i spied our apartment :) the service was actually quite terrible...waiters were sulky-looking and not attentive, but the food was not too bad actually. we had....
entrees: bruschetta; mussels
mains: steak; ravioli stuffed with slow-roasted duck in a butter and sage sauce; rack of lamb; saffron-infused linguine with moreton bay bugs in a light creamy sauce; sides of rosemary potatoes and garden salad
desserts: tiramisu; pear and macadamia nut tart; trio of gelati - boysenberry, raspberry & vanilla, mango; custard pie
and a bottle of cabernet merlot to compliment the palate.
the damage was quite significant $260 (= SGD332)
0_O
was quite tired out when i got home but somehow chattering with my sister and fighting with her for internet time meant that im only getting to bed at 1am plus (aussie time, 11pm sg time)!!
then realised that i can't upload them!!! stupid michelle....
so i'm debating whether to post up my posts without the photos for now or to save them and then post them up when the photos come in......???
anyway after my late start today, i again spent the better of my day chatting and emailing back and forth...i managed to read 2 sentences from my finance book (on fixed income markets, ohh how exciting!! *dripping with sarcasm here). and i did a puzzle! a jigsaw puzzle! LOL most exciting part of my day haha!
oh wait, i also went to the salon to get my hair cut! ok, not really cut at all, more like a trim and then some treatment. was considering colouring my hair but then....i decided not to!
tonight, the initial plan was to have teppanyaki at our favourite Jap teppan haunt Yamagen...but they were fully booked so we went to Fellini's, an upscale Italian bistro by the water at Marina Mirage. from our table view of the broadwater and gold coast, my sister and i spied our apartment :) the service was actually quite terrible...waiters were sulky-looking and not attentive, but the food was not too bad actually. we had....
entrees: bruschetta; mussels
mains: steak; ravioli stuffed with slow-roasted duck in a butter and sage sauce; rack of lamb; saffron-infused linguine with moreton bay bugs in a light creamy sauce; sides of rosemary potatoes and garden salad
desserts: tiramisu; pear and macadamia nut tart; trio of gelati - boysenberry, raspberry & vanilla, mango; custard pie
and a bottle of cabernet merlot to compliment the palate.
the damage was quite significant $260 (= SGD332)
0_O
was quite tired out when i got home but somehow chattering with my sister and fighting with her for internet time meant that im only getting to bed at 1am plus (aussie time, 11pm sg time)!!
Monday blues
yesterday i was so tired i just couldn't make it anymore...at 5pm i went round the back of my parents' shop where my mum has her computer, her little office space, and grabbed a cushion and fell asleep at the desk! for over an hour too! my dad thought i had gone out LOL
last night my sister had a Christmas dinner for work so it was just me and my parents. we went to George's Paragon for dinner. it's a greek/mediterranean cuisine and so we had....
for appetisers: fried calamari on a bed of garlic rice; white bait with greek salad
for mains: i had steak! it was really good too, with mushroom sauce :) mummy had lasagne which was a bit too salty for our liking; and daddy had barramundi and chips
for dessert: daddy had some exotic greek dessert; mummy and i had hot chocolate and turkish delight!
dinner was really nice, i told my parents that i was planning to be baptised in march. my mummy might come down :) and since it's also my birthday! she asked if i wanted to celebrate... celebrate getting older? lol i'll think about it....
then when i got home at 9.30, i just quickly got ready for bed and fell asleep at 10pm!!! i slept so heavily, i didn't even wake up when my sister came home (she's not usually quiet when she comes home). i didn't wake up until this morning when i finally opened my eyes and it was 11am!!! what the....?!?!?!
rushed over to the shop to help my parents out....ended up spending most of my time chatting on msn and skype!! i miss you miss peh and ah teo....and you who have hurt me so terribly.... oh and emailing JBaby, ccy and jane-y!!! i miss them too...sobs....
isn't it silly?? that i miss so many people so much? i'm only gone for 2 weeks! it's like a holiday and then i'll be back! omgosh....something to think about....
last night my sister had a Christmas dinner for work so it was just me and my parents. we went to George's Paragon for dinner. it's a greek/mediterranean cuisine and so we had....
for appetisers: fried calamari on a bed of garlic rice; white bait with greek salad
for mains: i had steak! it was really good too, with mushroom sauce :) mummy had lasagne which was a bit too salty for our liking; and daddy had barramundi and chips
for dessert: daddy had some exotic greek dessert; mummy and i had hot chocolate and turkish delight!
dinner was really nice, i told my parents that i was planning to be baptised in march. my mummy might come down :) and since it's also my birthday! she asked if i wanted to celebrate... celebrate getting older? lol i'll think about it....
then when i got home at 9.30, i just quickly got ready for bed and fell asleep at 10pm!!! i slept so heavily, i didn't even wake up when my sister came home (she's not usually quiet when she comes home). i didn't wake up until this morning when i finally opened my eyes and it was 11am!!! what the....?!?!?!
rushed over to the shop to help my parents out....ended up spending most of my time chatting on msn and skype!! i miss you miss peh and ah teo....and you who have hurt me so terribly.... oh and emailing JBaby, ccy and jane-y!!! i miss them too...sobs....
isn't it silly?? that i miss so many people so much? i'm only gone for 2 weeks! it's like a holiday and then i'll be back! omgosh....something to think about....
Monday, December 17, 2007
it was so difficult when i logged on msn this morning.
nobody said it will be easy. but i have to do it the hard way.
Melvin asked me to read Matthew 5-7 on my flight...but i didn't. i only read it when i was on the bus.
i was so tired...boarding the plane at 11pm, i was just so down.
there's so many reasons for that...but the biggest reason was partings.
i get separation anxiety. i cannot just say bye and leave.
maybe that's why my goodbyes are always so prolonged...
i'm beginning to realise that my problems are not going to just disappear. i have to make decisions and stick to them. i took the first step today. nevertheless, i still felt like giving in and just breaking my resolution. but i stopped myself. it feels like i'm cutting off an arm or a leg...but sometimes, that is the extent one has to go through. and it's better to go through a lot of pain now than dragging it on and losing focus, losing sight of the bigger picture, the happy ending, eternal life...
i think i only managed to get 4 hours sleep last night on the plane...my eyes are hurting from lack of sleep and tears i've cried. thanks to No Reservations, the movie i was only halfway through when they turned off the entertainment system! sai... but the good thing about Etihad (ET's hut ;) ) is that u can choose whatever movies you want to watch and watch it whenever you want! awesome huh!! but the service is not so good...but considering that SIA's service is also getting worse, i guess it's just like a notch below SIA... hopefully business class will be better. i'm looking forward to bigger seats!!! LOL economy can get very squishy...especially with a larger person sitting next to you >_<
i caught the sunrise from the plane - hurray for window seats! it was so beautiful, i was moved to tears....ok ok i'm just really emotionally unstable at the moment alright!?! sleep deprivation mainly to blame...that and my internal struggles... but really wished i could have taken a photo. if only i had my O2...or a camera... hmm...i kept sobbing uncontrollably when i was watching the movie, and the lady who was sitting beside me, trying to sleep kept giving me irritated looks, which i caught out of the corner of my eye - so sorry!
i think i will sleep well tonight, i'm already so very exhausted! i'm glad Gold Coast is 2 hours ahead of Singapore time! LOL
but i noticed that there have been a few changes around since I was last here in August...it's always so hard to see that life goes on even when i'm not around. people get on with their lives, move on... i wonder what it will be like when we next meet again. i don't want to think about it but i can't help but just wonder...arm and leg michelle!!!
it's good to be with my family again. my parents and sister...already, the complaints have started...LOL oh well. thinking what i want/need for Christmas. parents want to get me something useful =/ i have no clue either!
i feel like sleeping now! it's only 2.30pm...maybe i need to get for a short walk, clear my head.
oh the weather is not too bad! i prefer winter though...hate hot weather =/
in typical Gold Coast fashion, the sun was out and shining, though it was overcast and cloudy. it drizzled a little before but that passed very quickly. it's a bit humid though, but not as bad as sg.
going out for dinner tonight i think...
oh, almost had a heart attack at the australian customs...but it's all good, they just had to update their records. other than that, no major problems :)
sigh i'm falling asleep as i'm blogging...not good...need coffee....
nobody said it will be easy. but i have to do it the hard way.
Melvin asked me to read Matthew 5-7 on my flight...but i didn't. i only read it when i was on the bus.
i was so tired...boarding the plane at 11pm, i was just so down.
there's so many reasons for that...but the biggest reason was partings.
i get separation anxiety. i cannot just say bye and leave.
maybe that's why my goodbyes are always so prolonged...
i'm beginning to realise that my problems are not going to just disappear. i have to make decisions and stick to them. i took the first step today. nevertheless, i still felt like giving in and just breaking my resolution. but i stopped myself. it feels like i'm cutting off an arm or a leg...but sometimes, that is the extent one has to go through. and it's better to go through a lot of pain now than dragging it on and losing focus, losing sight of the bigger picture, the happy ending, eternal life...
i think i only managed to get 4 hours sleep last night on the plane...my eyes are hurting from lack of sleep and tears i've cried. thanks to No Reservations, the movie i was only halfway through when they turned off the entertainment system! sai... but the good thing about Etihad (ET's hut ;) ) is that u can choose whatever movies you want to watch and watch it whenever you want! awesome huh!! but the service is not so good...but considering that SIA's service is also getting worse, i guess it's just like a notch below SIA... hopefully business class will be better. i'm looking forward to bigger seats!!! LOL economy can get very squishy...especially with a larger person sitting next to you >_<
i caught the sunrise from the plane - hurray for window seats! it was so beautiful, i was moved to tears....ok ok i'm just really emotionally unstable at the moment alright!?! sleep deprivation mainly to blame...that and my internal struggles... but really wished i could have taken a photo. if only i had my O2...or a camera... hmm...i kept sobbing uncontrollably when i was watching the movie, and the lady who was sitting beside me, trying to sleep kept giving me irritated looks, which i caught out of the corner of my eye - so sorry!
i think i will sleep well tonight, i'm already so very exhausted! i'm glad Gold Coast is 2 hours ahead of Singapore time! LOL
but i noticed that there have been a few changes around since I was last here in August...it's always so hard to see that life goes on even when i'm not around. people get on with their lives, move on... i wonder what it will be like when we next meet again. i don't want to think about it but i can't help but just wonder...arm and leg michelle!!!
it's good to be with my family again. my parents and sister...already, the complaints have started...LOL oh well. thinking what i want/need for Christmas. parents want to get me something useful =/ i have no clue either!
i feel like sleeping now! it's only 2.30pm...maybe i need to get for a short walk, clear my head.
oh the weather is not too bad! i prefer winter though...hate hot weather =/
in typical Gold Coast fashion, the sun was out and shining, though it was overcast and cloudy. it drizzled a little before but that passed very quickly. it's a bit humid though, but not as bad as sg.
going out for dinner tonight i think...
oh, almost had a heart attack at the australian customs...but it's all good, they just had to update their records. other than that, no major problems :)
sigh i'm falling asleep as i'm blogging...not good...need coffee....
Sunday, December 16, 2007
goodbye
am at the Changi Airport, about to board my flight...
super depressing night...things happening that frustrated me...my stupid credit card bill.....
i miss the girls already....i think it made it so much harder cos they were here to send me off!
thanks my dears for coming to see me off...will post up photos soon!
LOVE my dear girls SOOOOOOOOO much...i'm gonna cry myself to sleep later....
super depressing night...things happening that frustrated me...my stupid credit card bill.....
i miss the girls already....i think it made it so much harder cos they were here to send me off!
thanks my dears for coming to see me off...will post up photos soon!
LOVE my dear girls SOOOOOOOOO much...i'm gonna cry myself to sleep later....
Friday, December 14, 2007
nothing-ness
that last post pretty much said it all...that's what my heart is saying, but i'm trying to change directions. it seems like thoughts of him has been consuming me, heart and mind. need to break out of it!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Stardust
i love this movie!!! it's gotta be tops at the moment...just when i thought fairy tales couldn't get any better~~
one of my favourite quotes...
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
one of my favourite quotes...
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
tests
this weekend was a series of tests...
firstly, there was the no speaking test.
wow, that's hard cos well...if you know, you understand ;)
yesterday was extra hard. i was in so much pain, stomach cramps are no fun at all. and i don't get stomach cramps very often, although lately i've been getting gastric pains quite frequently.
and it was very torturous. i'm not sure if i prefer the pain until i feel like dying for a few minutes then it's gone or the barely bearable pain that drags out for a whole day or longer.
i got home and i was just so miserable i felt the need to talk to someone...
one particular person...
but i steeled up and took painkillers and hid under my blanket.
then there's the oh-so-sweet gesture...
the girls (Qi) jumped straight to all sorts of theories -___-
but then when she pointed that out i thought to myself, oh no is it because i didn't say anything that's why he did that??!!! that if i had just said, DON'T...then he wouldn't have done it?
but that's not the point. i was happy to see him, but at the same time i felt indifferent.
BUT i still did feel a warm tug. DON'T THINK THAT FAR MICHELLE!!! so i stopped myself and took my actions in check, not to get too far away...
i'm still wrestling but hopefully it gets easier.......
it's because i care for him too much
firstly, there was the no speaking test.
wow, that's hard cos well...if you know, you understand ;)
yesterday was extra hard. i was in so much pain, stomach cramps are no fun at all. and i don't get stomach cramps very often, although lately i've been getting gastric pains quite frequently.
and it was very torturous. i'm not sure if i prefer the pain until i feel like dying for a few minutes then it's gone or the barely bearable pain that drags out for a whole day or longer.
i got home and i was just so miserable i felt the need to talk to someone...
one particular person...
but i steeled up and took painkillers and hid under my blanket.
then there's the oh-so-sweet gesture...
the girls (Qi) jumped straight to all sorts of theories -___-
but then when she pointed that out i thought to myself, oh no is it because i didn't say anything that's why he did that??!!! that if i had just said, DON'T...then he wouldn't have done it?
but that's not the point. i was happy to see him, but at the same time i felt indifferent.
BUT i still did feel a warm tug. DON'T THINK THAT FAR MICHELLE!!! so i stopped myself and took my actions in check, not to get too far away...
i'm still wrestling but hopefully it gets easier.......
it's because i care for him too much
Friday, December 07, 2007
God is good!
I feel so deliriously happy today! And I really praise God for giving me this inner peace that I haven’t had for a very long time!
The world just seems like such a brighter place…
I woke up late today =/ yes, again…but it was entirely my fault.
In the whole confusion and excitement of last night’s laptop crisis, it totally slipped my mind that I hadn’t set my alarm!
I opened my eyes this morning and to my horror, it was bright outside! I thought to myself, “it shouldn’t be so bright at 6.30 in the morning”, checked the time and almost fainted when I saw that it was 7.30 – the time I would be leaving the house!
Lucky for me, I’ve been kind of in training to get ready for work in the shortest amount of time possible for the last 2 weeks (to get maximum zzz time) and I managed to leave the house at 8.05am, got a taxi within 5mins and made it to the office in 10mins! Phew!
Part of the reason for my chirpiness today is probably of the many things I have to look forward to:
- meeting the girls after work (YAYYY!!!!!)
- lunch date with JBaby (yes, no more JPoh ;) )
- 10 days to Gold Coast!!! Home for Christmas with my family :)
Seems like nothing can get me down today! Not even the very frustrating program that runs my report that is always slow and deliver my reports late! Not even the fact that Anthony has left me a LONG list of things to do while he is on block leave! Not even the gloomy threatening-to-rain-anytime skies whilst I’m stuck at work!
To top off a GREAT day, the 2 girls I’ve been anxiously worried about the last few days are doing well. And I’ll be seeing my darling girl that I’ve been missing and worrying for the last 2 weeks plus tonight! Dear Siping has emailed me this morning…thank God for healing her stomach problems and that he has been faithful to her, in comfort and encouragement. He never fails! I’m also hoping my baby ah Qi is feeling a lift in her spirits :) I will continue to pray that God will guard these 2 special ladies from negative thoughts and continue to encourage them and comfort them in their darkest hours. Sinyee darling, all of us have been worried while you travel overseas alone. Can’t wait to catch up with you tonight!
On the topic of all my cares and worries washed away, one big emotional burden seems to be lifted and I thank all my wonderful dears who have been praying for me! I think I might actually be on the road to recovery for this broken heart of mine! I wasn’t plagued with the usual questionings and wonderings of *ahem and my heart just feels so light and bursting with joyfulness!
I’m super excited about going home for Christmas too! I’ve been a little apprehensive (not sure why) about going home, not wanting to leave the loved ones who will be here in Singapore. But after my phone call with my family on Wednesday night while I was getting ready to do revaluation at7pm, I came to realize that I really do miss all of them and that I can’t wait to see them again and give them all big hugs and kisses!! My sweet little sister sent me a text yesterday:
I’m so excited and can’t wait to see what she will be surprising me with! She also said that we will be having breakfast at Main Beach, shopping lots, going to the beach plenty and going for drinks with Kat and Dean! Wow…busy-ness!
OH! And last night I randomly turned on the TV after the laptop debacle and it was showing America’s Next Top Model and the final two models came out for the final judging. And one look and I just went “they’re wearing Sass & Bide!” (and they were too) and I got super excited cos when I go back, not only will there be a HUGE range of Sass & Bide’s for me to choose from, but Dean’s promised me a discount when I buy from them!! YAY!!!
Hope everyone else has a FANTABULOUS day too!!!
The world just seems like such a brighter place…
I woke up late today =/ yes, again…but it was entirely my fault.
In the whole confusion and excitement of last night’s laptop crisis, it totally slipped my mind that I hadn’t set my alarm!
I opened my eyes this morning and to my horror, it was bright outside! I thought to myself, “it shouldn’t be so bright at 6.30 in the morning”, checked the time and almost fainted when I saw that it was 7.30 – the time I would be leaving the house!
Lucky for me, I’ve been kind of in training to get ready for work in the shortest amount of time possible for the last 2 weeks (to get maximum zzz time) and I managed to leave the house at 8.05am, got a taxi within 5mins and made it to the office in 10mins! Phew!
Part of the reason for my chirpiness today is probably of the many things I have to look forward to:
- meeting the girls after work (YAYYY!!!!!)
- lunch date with JBaby (yes, no more JPoh ;) )
- 10 days to Gold Coast!!! Home for Christmas with my family :)
Seems like nothing can get me down today! Not even the very frustrating program that runs my report that is always slow and deliver my reports late! Not even the fact that Anthony has left me a LONG list of things to do while he is on block leave! Not even the gloomy threatening-to-rain-anytime skies whilst I’m stuck at work!
To top off a GREAT day, the 2 girls I’ve been anxiously worried about the last few days are doing well. And I’ll be seeing my darling girl that I’ve been missing and worrying for the last 2 weeks plus tonight! Dear Siping has emailed me this morning…thank God for healing her stomach problems and that he has been faithful to her, in comfort and encouragement. He never fails! I’m also hoping my baby ah Qi is feeling a lift in her spirits :) I will continue to pray that God will guard these 2 special ladies from negative thoughts and continue to encourage them and comfort them in their darkest hours. Sinyee darling, all of us have been worried while you travel overseas alone. Can’t wait to catch up with you tonight!
On the topic of all my cares and worries washed away, one big emotional burden seems to be lifted and I thank all my wonderful dears who have been praying for me! I think I might actually be on the road to recovery for this broken heart of mine! I wasn’t plagued with the usual questionings and wonderings of *ahem and my heart just feels so light and bursting with joyfulness!
I’m super excited about going home for Christmas too! I’ve been a little apprehensive (not sure why) about going home, not wanting to leave the loved ones who will be here in Singapore. But after my phone call with my family on Wednesday night while I was getting ready to do revaluation at7pm, I came to realize that I really do miss all of them and that I can’t wait to see them again and give them all big hugs and kisses!! My sweet little sister sent me a text yesterday:
Hey big sis! Went 2 brisy 2day 4 shopin hehe we shd go wen ur here 2. finally
got all ur xmas presents n half my pay is gone but still duno wat 2 get 4 mum n
dad!
I’m so excited and can’t wait to see what she will be surprising me with! She also said that we will be having breakfast at Main Beach, shopping lots, going to the beach plenty and going for drinks with Kat and Dean! Wow…busy-ness!
OH! And last night I randomly turned on the TV after the laptop debacle and it was showing America’s Next Top Model and the final two models came out for the final judging. And one look and I just went “they’re wearing Sass & Bide!” (and they were too) and I got super excited cos when I go back, not only will there be a HUGE range of Sass & Bide’s for me to choose from, but Dean’s promised me a discount when I buy from them!! YAY!!!
Hope everyone else has a FANTABULOUS day too!!!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
laptop crisis
a few minutes ago, the following took place...
there was this bug that's like flying around like crazy and i was really pissed so i kept try to kill it by hitting it but it was just so freaking fast then i totally lost it and was like on a swatting rampage and i whacked it (no didnt get it, just air) and hit the corner of my laptop and the whole screen just went funny!!! like it was jumping and i couldn't turn the freaking thing off!! so i called nicholas (the computer expert) but he didnt answer his phone!!! and i totally panicked and almost died and having a heart attack and then i called fiona and told her wat happened and she was like, did u try holding down the power button and i was like duhz of course! then she asked her cousin who's staying with her and he's like, uh it means u hv to take it the repair centre. anyway i ended up pulling out the power and risked getting electrocuted by pulling out the battery but it worked. and when i restarted my laptop, everything was fine again :)
but i got such a scare and totally flipped out. oh no...what if i couldn't use my laptop for awhile?!! i would die!! then i realised that everyday, no matter how late i get home, i always turn it on to check my emails and have a few chats online before heading to sleep. that's a habit i need to break...
that and the other thing....letting go....trying not to let things bother me...dear fiona always reminds me - mind!!! haha thanks dear :) much appreciated...and i'm trying really hard, it's difficult...
my dear darling baby girl,
perhaps you will read this, maybe not. you mean so much to so many people. my heart breaks because you're suffering, my tears flow for you. please be strong and don't despair. i know you're sad, so just cry and humble yourself before the Lord...he hears your prayers, he knows your pain. don't lose hope, but hope in the Lord. i'm at a loss for advice but i'm always there for you just as you've been there for me. i'll be a better friend, i'll be sweeter to you than i am to...(u can finish the rest of that sentence ;)).
love, hugs, kisses.
xoxo
ps: i want my crazy half back!!
perhaps you will read this, maybe not. you mean so much to so many people. my heart breaks because you're suffering, my tears flow for you. please be strong and don't despair. i know you're sad, so just cry and humble yourself before the Lord...he hears your prayers, he knows your pain. don't lose hope, but hope in the Lord. i'm at a loss for advice but i'm always there for you just as you've been there for me. i'll be a better friend, i'll be sweeter to you than i am to...(u can finish the rest of that sentence ;)).
love, hugs, kisses.
xoxo
ps: i want my crazy half back!!
somebody save me
i'm falling so far because...
- you're so selfless
- you're gentle and kind
- you make me laugh
- you listen to my problems and dreams
- you never hurt me intentionally
- you're super considerate (maybe a little bit too much...)
i know i've fallen because...
- everything you say brings a smile to my face
- i miss you when you're not around
- i feel safe when i'm next to you
- i thank God for bringing you into my life
but all of this....ends now.
i know it won't work out, never will, i don't want to hope.
i feel like running away, going somewhere far away from you - out of sight, out of mind.
somehow, i feel, i'm just not good enough. ok, need to stop that! but i look around me and i know...i'm surrounded by beautiful friends with warm hearts. they're like stars who shine brighter than the sun. i don't know why i get so depressed. fatal thoughts invade my mind intent on poisoning me.
i'm so tired...recharge please...
some people are called to be leaders, others followers. none is better off than the other. then there are some who are groomed to be leaders. you learn how to go from a shy, introverted mouse to become a confident speaker to a big crowd. but in truth, you just learn to put up a front. and hide the same scared little mouse that you are behind it.
i've been traumatised...will i ever get anywhere?
which direction am i heading for?
am i to walk it alone?
- you're so selfless
- you're gentle and kind
- you make me laugh
- you listen to my problems and dreams
- you never hurt me intentionally
- you're super considerate (maybe a little bit too much...)
i know i've fallen because...
- everything you say brings a smile to my face
- i miss you when you're not around
- i feel safe when i'm next to you
- i thank God for bringing you into my life
but all of this....ends now.
i know it won't work out, never will, i don't want to hope.
i feel like running away, going somewhere far away from you - out of sight, out of mind.
somehow, i feel, i'm just not good enough. ok, need to stop that! but i look around me and i know...i'm surrounded by beautiful friends with warm hearts. they're like stars who shine brighter than the sun. i don't know why i get so depressed. fatal thoughts invade my mind intent on poisoning me.
i'm so tired...recharge please...
some people are called to be leaders, others followers. none is better off than the other. then there are some who are groomed to be leaders. you learn how to go from a shy, introverted mouse to become a confident speaker to a big crowd. but in truth, you just learn to put up a front. and hide the same scared little mouse that you are behind it.
i've been traumatised...will i ever get anywhere?
which direction am i heading for?
am i to walk it alone?
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Another Sunday without the crew
I'm missing my Sundays with the usual peeps...
it does feel awfully lonely...i only have nic around but that's like nothing cos he always runs off after 12... -__-
but I'm really enjoying the kids now too! :)
today we played games with the JC2 kids. we were meant to play in the level 4 hall but cos JC1 were doing a test run of the Christmas play on the 16 Dec - it's at 11.15am and you all should come watch!!! LOL!
so we decided to move out to the plaza where, although it was hot, thank God for the tenting!
at first, the kids were a little unenthusiastic to start with but once we got into a game of dog & bone, they started enjoying themselves too :)
and I had lots of fun too!
I can't wait for the coming Sunday - trip to the ZOO with the special kids!!
I'm so excited! it'll be the first time i've been to the zoo in yonks! HAHA!!
i sure feel like one of the kids >_<
after church I went to watch Enchanted with dear little Esther :)
it was a sweet movie but I can't help but compare it with Stardust and how that was so much better.
after the movie we went to City Hall to meet up with Chris and Pao (and Denise came along with Pao)
we were deadset on Max Brenner to reminisce of cold winter days in Melbourne, warming ourselves up with a mug of steamy Max Brenner hot chocolate....mmmm.......
but i can just go on dreaming cos we missed out on it :(
they were closed for a private event (damn you Estee Lauder!!!!) so we had to find an alternative.....the Singapore Arts Cafe...
then we had dinner at Sushi Tei (somehow I never get tired of it! hee) before we all went home for an early night! (see...getting old)
it does feel awfully lonely...i only have nic around but that's like nothing cos he always runs off after 12... -__-
but I'm really enjoying the kids now too! :)
today we played games with the JC2 kids. we were meant to play in the level 4 hall but cos JC1 were doing a test run of the Christmas play on the 16 Dec - it's at 11.15am and you all should come watch!!! LOL!
so we decided to move out to the plaza where, although it was hot, thank God for the tenting!
at first, the kids were a little unenthusiastic to start with but once we got into a game of dog & bone, they started enjoying themselves too :)
and I had lots of fun too!
I can't wait for the coming Sunday - trip to the ZOO with the special kids!!
I'm so excited! it'll be the first time i've been to the zoo in yonks! HAHA!!
i sure feel like one of the kids >_<
after church I went to watch Enchanted with dear little Esther :)
it was a sweet movie but I can't help but compare it with Stardust and how that was so much better.
after the movie we went to City Hall to meet up with Chris and Pao (and Denise came along with Pao)
we were deadset on Max Brenner to reminisce of cold winter days in Melbourne, warming ourselves up with a mug of steamy Max Brenner hot chocolate....mmmm.......
but i can just go on dreaming cos we missed out on it :(
they were closed for a private event (damn you Estee Lauder!!!!) so we had to find an alternative.....the Singapore Arts Cafe...
then we had dinner at Sushi Tei (somehow I never get tired of it! hee) before we all went home for an early night! (see...getting old)
Saturday, December 01, 2007
before i leave for my movie date....
the week has gone by so fast!
i kindda feel depressed...hmm maybe not so serious, more like upset and confused.
quite a few things have happened this week.
a lot of things that i've thought about and analysed to death!
i'm really scared. i missed deadlines. application deadlines, that is.
what will my future bring? it's my fault. i lack confidence.
i'm really very scared....
i need to get my act together. i think i'm slowly breaking down, falling to pieces...
i cling on to what is not there. i'm delusional...
but i find comfort in JC...Psalms 23
i kindda feel depressed...hmm maybe not so serious, more like upset and confused.
quite a few things have happened this week.
a lot of things that i've thought about and analysed to death!
i'm really scared. i missed deadlines. application deadlines, that is.
what will my future bring? it's my fault. i lack confidence.
i'm really very scared....
i need to get my act together. i think i'm slowly breaking down, falling to pieces...
i cling on to what is not there. i'm delusional...
but i find comfort in JC...Psalms 23
Monday, November 26, 2007
a day in the life of...
6.45am
alarm went off. could not wake up, felt extremely tired.kept telling myself i need to get up. but....just 5 more mins....
7.20am
i'm ready and walked out of the house.oops...forgot my phone...luckily i was still waiting for the lift.
7.36am
thinking about tuesday's bible study...the last week, i've been led to Ephesians..but i haven't had a chance to touch on the book yet.thinking about my testimony, how i've become the person that i am today and my relationship with God. dwelling on the past...?? also felt the need to revisit James
8.02am
arrived in the office. felt instantly depressed.Lord, give me joy in my heart. i praise and am thankful that you have given me this job.i feel that maybe God is speaking to me, i need to open my heart and listen to what he is saying (just like Samuel). perhaps it is his way of letting me know that it's time for me to move on. or maybe that i need a complete change in career(!!). either way, i just pray that he will open (and close) doors and lead me to where he wants me to be.
8.25
ami just overheard something about tithes...i wasn't eavesdropping, the speaker was talking so loudly it echoed through the WHOLE office!and i felt sad, disappointed...angry...but i stopped myself. i have no right to judge, only God does... Ecc 3:17
8.26ama quick email JPoh letting her know that we NEED to have lunch today so I can update her ;)
8.47am
i'm drained...
9.35am
suddenly thought of the topic of prayer...will email the others, but somehow i feel that i need more time to prepare for this topic...
9.37am
sleep deprivation makes me emotionally unstable. but i've been getting enough sleeping hours!! yet i still feel like i haven't slept a wink at all...
10.14am
renewed sense of hope and purpose? Eph 6:5-8and then Eph 6:9...am wondering if i have time to do this well...Melvin sure sets a high standard!
10.16am
*.* stars in my eyes...am thinking about the things i told sw and fiona hohoho last night...
11.24am
needed a breather. will post this up now i think.
oh and Siping just sent an update! :)
alarm went off. could not wake up, felt extremely tired.kept telling myself i need to get up. but....just 5 more mins....
7.20am
i'm ready and walked out of the house.oops...forgot my phone...luckily i was still waiting for the lift.
7.36am
thinking about tuesday's bible study...the last week, i've been led to Ephesians..but i haven't had a chance to touch on the book yet.thinking about my testimony, how i've become the person that i am today and my relationship with God. dwelling on the past...?? also felt the need to revisit James
8.02am
arrived in the office. felt instantly depressed.Lord, give me joy in my heart. i praise and am thankful that you have given me this job.i feel that maybe God is speaking to me, i need to open my heart and listen to what he is saying (just like Samuel). perhaps it is his way of letting me know that it's time for me to move on. or maybe that i need a complete change in career(!!). either way, i just pray that he will open (and close) doors and lead me to where he wants me to be.
8.25
ami just overheard something about tithes...i wasn't eavesdropping, the speaker was talking so loudly it echoed through the WHOLE office!and i felt sad, disappointed...angry...but i stopped myself. i have no right to judge, only God does... Ecc 3:17
8.26ama quick email JPoh letting her know that we NEED to have lunch today so I can update her ;)
8.47am
i'm drained...
9.35am
suddenly thought of the topic of prayer...will email the others, but somehow i feel that i need more time to prepare for this topic...
9.37am
sleep deprivation makes me emotionally unstable. but i've been getting enough sleeping hours!! yet i still feel like i haven't slept a wink at all...
10.14am
renewed sense of hope and purpose? Eph 6:5-8and then Eph 6:9...am wondering if i have time to do this well...Melvin sure sets a high standard!
10.16am
*.* stars in my eyes...am thinking about the things i told sw and fiona hohoho last night...
11.24am
needed a breather. will post this up now i think.
oh and Siping just sent an update! :)
Friday, November 23, 2007
Spiritual Warfare
Ok, this is a bit short and in a rush but I wanted to get this out before the afternoon!
Small group on Tuesday felt a bit strange as we were missing our brother Melvin, who is serving our Father in Cambodia. But he did call! So though his absence was dearly missed, we were all thinking of him and he, us! Siping filled us in a bit more about Mel’s ministry there and it led to a discussion of spiritual warfare. I believe that spiritual warfare is very real, in our daily lives, though we may not give much thought to it (though we should!!!) but it is especially when we’re taking a very conscious step to serve him in the field that it becomes very real. I’ve heard testimonies from friends and acquaintances who have and still are battling against the forces of Satan when they decided to switch to full-time ministry.
Spiritual warfare is not something that we should take lightly. It’s present in our everyday life. When you want to do something that you know is not right (and you’ve got like a little devil on one side telling you it’s ok and a little angel on the other side that’s telling you DON’T DO IT!!) or even in the strongholds of your thought patterns or opinions (like how little white lies are ok or “adult content movies”). And also, even in playing games or buying snacks from Bengawan Solo! Even when I’m feeling so tired and worn down from work that I decide to skip devotionals. Or when I’m getting ready to pray at night before I go to bed but just KO as soon as my head touches my pillow. Or the little struggles I face in my heart and mind about every thing one can possibly think up of. You know, when negative thoughts come into your mind…that kind…sometimes I wonder why I’m so weak to guard against these thoughts.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
These two verses means a lot to me. Not only to serve as a reminder and awareness but also the lesson/reason behind it…maybe I’ll share it with you one day ;)
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive in the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
And so…..i’ll close by saying “Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit”, says the Lord. Zech 4:6
Melvin: Be encouraged because the Lord is with you :) and we’re all here, praying for you. Jia you!
Small group on Tuesday felt a bit strange as we were missing our brother Melvin, who is serving our Father in Cambodia. But he did call! So though his absence was dearly missed, we were all thinking of him and he, us! Siping filled us in a bit more about Mel’s ministry there and it led to a discussion of spiritual warfare. I believe that spiritual warfare is very real, in our daily lives, though we may not give much thought to it (though we should!!!) but it is especially when we’re taking a very conscious step to serve him in the field that it becomes very real. I’ve heard testimonies from friends and acquaintances who have and still are battling against the forces of Satan when they decided to switch to full-time ministry.
Spiritual warfare is not something that we should take lightly. It’s present in our everyday life. When you want to do something that you know is not right (and you’ve got like a little devil on one side telling you it’s ok and a little angel on the other side that’s telling you DON’T DO IT!!) or even in the strongholds of your thought patterns or opinions (like how little white lies are ok or “adult content movies”). And also, even in playing games or buying snacks from Bengawan Solo! Even when I’m feeling so tired and worn down from work that I decide to skip devotionals. Or when I’m getting ready to pray at night before I go to bed but just KO as soon as my head touches my pillow. Or the little struggles I face in my heart and mind about every thing one can possibly think up of. You know, when negative thoughts come into your mind…that kind…sometimes I wonder why I’m so weak to guard against these thoughts.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
These two verses means a lot to me. Not only to serve as a reminder and awareness but also the lesson/reason behind it…maybe I’ll share it with you one day ;)
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive in the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
And so…..i’ll close by saying “Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit”, says the Lord. Zech 4:6
Melvin: Be encouraged because the Lord is with you :) and we’re all here, praying for you. Jia you!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
a short word
hmm there's so many things i want to say, words to put down, thoughts to record.
you know, my memory is so bad these days! all part and parcel of getting old -.-
i've been thinking about getting baptised. somehow i feel that the time is right but i'm still praying for the Lord to show me the way. and i've been thinking about my testimony. i realise how far i've come and how much i've grown. how much i've struggled and how blessed i've been. how my life has changed...
i really want to blog more but i'm too tired. even though JPoh came to find me at 8pm and dragged me out of the office. i rented 2 movies on the way home - the Secret and Priceless.
you know, my memory is so bad these days! all part and parcel of getting old -.-
i've been thinking about getting baptised. somehow i feel that the time is right but i'm still praying for the Lord to show me the way. and i've been thinking about my testimony. i realise how far i've come and how much i've grown. how much i've struggled and how blessed i've been. how my life has changed...
i really want to blog more but i'm too tired. even though JPoh came to find me at 8pm and dragged me out of the office. i rented 2 movies on the way home - the Secret and Priceless.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
emo post ahead...
had a quick chat to dear kathy who's having more fun than me on her exchange to Nottingham...
it's wonderful to hear that you've found someone who really likes you ;)
and of course someone to look out for you and take care of you!!! :p
like i told kat, its so nice to have someone when you're so far away from all thats familiar....
i'm so envious too...i just can't help thinking "when will it be my turn?"
i'm getting less and less excited about going home for Christmas.
it's just a natural reaction to be super enthusiastic when i talk about it.
even though it'll be less than 2 weeks away, there will be a few people i'll miss to death!
at least i plan to go from 16-29 dec but....my boss was really hesitant about me taking sooo many days off (it's not really that many if you think about it...).
i'll definitely miss the girls....and nicholas (can be considered one of the girls :p) and the rest of my second family - not so small :)
hmmm.....march is coming up really fast......another year older...
i feel like i haven't achieved much in the 9 months i've been here...
wow, almost a year...
"life is great when you have meaningful relationships" i guess that's true...
it's almost 11pm and i'm already starting to fall asleep......
i'll tell you a secret.....shhh.....i hate work....
i'm sick and i can't even take mc. and it's worse for me to be at work cos the a/c is so freakin' freezin'!!! now that it's wednesday, i'm really scared i'll be miserably sick the whole weekend too :( pray for quick recovery please! oh and then nicholas chan accused me of passing him my cold....like he would get sick that quickly?!! and hello?!! i didn't ask him to use my fork can!
i guess i know why i've been feeling so emo....
i've been spending alot of "alone" time in the last week...pretty much since my mum went home. and for those who REALLY know me, know that i hate being by myself. so then the emo thoughts come in and take over....lol
it's wonderful to hear that you've found someone who really likes you ;)
and of course someone to look out for you and take care of you!!! :p
like i told kat, its so nice to have someone when you're so far away from all thats familiar....
i'm so envious too...i just can't help thinking "when will it be my turn?"
i'm getting less and less excited about going home for Christmas.
it's just a natural reaction to be super enthusiastic when i talk about it.
even though it'll be less than 2 weeks away, there will be a few people i'll miss to death!
at least i plan to go from 16-29 dec but....my boss was really hesitant about me taking sooo many days off (it's not really that many if you think about it...).
i'll definitely miss the girls....and nicholas (can be considered one of the girls :p) and the rest of my second family - not so small :)
hmmm.....march is coming up really fast......another year older...
i feel like i haven't achieved much in the 9 months i've been here...
wow, almost a year...
"life is great when you have meaningful relationships" i guess that's true...
it's almost 11pm and i'm already starting to fall asleep......
i'll tell you a secret.....shhh.....i hate work....
i'm sick and i can't even take mc. and it's worse for me to be at work cos the a/c is so freakin' freezin'!!! now that it's wednesday, i'm really scared i'll be miserably sick the whole weekend too :( pray for quick recovery please! oh and then nicholas chan accused me of passing him my cold....like he would get sick that quickly?!! and hello?!! i didn't ask him to use my fork can!
i guess i know why i've been feeling so emo....
i've been spending alot of "alone" time in the last week...pretty much since my mum went home. and for those who REALLY know me, know that i hate being by myself. so then the emo thoughts come in and take over....lol
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
thinking, wondering, hoping
i had the perfect opportunity. i was walking towards you and was just about to open my mouth to say "hi" when......
.........you looked up at me. and my heart stopped. i didn't even smile. i just turned and walked out the door purposefully. and then, i could have included you in our conversation. but i didn't.
WHY?????
i don't have the answer.
actually i do. i want it to be in God's perfect timing. i'm exercising patience. there will be many more chances in the future. definitely, for sure.
i find myself going down paths i've never taken. coming to crossroads after crossroads.
i just don't want to walk the road less travelled by myself.
i hate office politics. mummy gave me some good advice before she left.
we had some good long conversations whilst she was here and it has affirmed a few things i already knew.
on the last day she kept asking me if there was anything i wanted to tell her. i couldn't think of anything! then i asked her if my sister has a boyfriend. she said no, and offered an explanation too - she says my sister is "scary" LOL
and melissa IS scary! she's got high expectations and never compromises on values. this is kindda hard with the quality of guys out there....im serious!
then i asked my mum why she didn't ask if i had a boyfriend.
she laughed -_- then asked, "do you?"
obviously you all know the answer: no.
then i told her about how anxious i was about getting older and being alone, she laughed then told me to be patient and prayerful.
oh and she also complained about how little sleep i'm getting. it can't be helped!!! night time is the only time i get all to myself. and then i need to get up early so i can be at work before 8am.
i'm so not getting my beauty sleep!
hmm and work is another matter entirely. too late to go into that now. it's almost 11pm...
goodnight!
.........you looked up at me. and my heart stopped. i didn't even smile. i just turned and walked out the door purposefully. and then, i could have included you in our conversation. but i didn't.
WHY?????
i don't have the answer.
actually i do. i want it to be in God's perfect timing. i'm exercising patience. there will be many more chances in the future. definitely, for sure.
i find myself going down paths i've never taken. coming to crossroads after crossroads.
i just don't want to walk the road less travelled by myself.
i hate office politics. mummy gave me some good advice before she left.
we had some good long conversations whilst she was here and it has affirmed a few things i already knew.
on the last day she kept asking me if there was anything i wanted to tell her. i couldn't think of anything! then i asked her if my sister has a boyfriend. she said no, and offered an explanation too - she says my sister is "scary" LOL
and melissa IS scary! she's got high expectations and never compromises on values. this is kindda hard with the quality of guys out there....im serious!
then i asked my mum why she didn't ask if i had a boyfriend.
she laughed -_- then asked, "do you?"
obviously you all know the answer: no.
then i told her about how anxious i was about getting older and being alone, she laughed then told me to be patient and prayerful.
oh and she also complained about how little sleep i'm getting. it can't be helped!!! night time is the only time i get all to myself. and then i need to get up early so i can be at work before 8am.
i'm so not getting my beauty sleep!
hmm and work is another matter entirely. too late to go into that now. it's almost 11pm...
goodnight!
Friday, November 09, 2007
March 9
this is the extent of my boredom...
(thanks goes out to melvin who put the idea into my head)
according to Wikipedia:
March 9 is the 68th day of the year (69th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 297 days remaining until the end of the year.
several events and births...none worthy enough to catch my attention
uneventful :(
(thanks goes out to melvin who put the idea into my head)
according to Wikipedia:
March 9 is the 68th day of the year (69th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 297 days remaining until the end of the year.
several events and births...none worthy enough to catch my attention
uneventful :(
from Michelle's desk
i have no facebook or friendster access so Qi has been so kind as to suggest that i blog instead.
hmm, but i think it's easier to multi-task when i'm talking to her on the phone! LOL
i'm totally confused now!
someone i've been avoiding....just when i thought "i'm a big girl, i can handle it" i've been warned to keep staying away.
sigh....
oh! today i opened a whole stack of bills and guess what?!!
they're all ZERO balance!!! YAY!!! only have my singtel bill to pay for BUT it's amazingly less than $100! WOW!
i'm learning to save, my "savings" account is depleting far more quickly than i anticipated :(
tonight is Group Risk D&D so we're allowed to leave early - 4pm!
unfortunately, i'm also doing revaluation tonight, which can only be started at 7pm!!!
but JPoh and i have devised a plan - leave at 4 to shop/coffee/chat and come back at 6plus :)
i just received word that jason and the guys have already left to go to the rec club for a pool session -_-
i'm so tired ~~
hmm, but i think it's easier to multi-task when i'm talking to her on the phone! LOL
i'm totally confused now!
someone i've been avoiding....just when i thought "i'm a big girl, i can handle it" i've been warned to keep staying away.
sigh....
oh! today i opened a whole stack of bills and guess what?!!
they're all ZERO balance!!! YAY!!! only have my singtel bill to pay for BUT it's amazingly less than $100! WOW!
i'm learning to save, my "savings" account is depleting far more quickly than i anticipated :(
tonight is Group Risk D&D so we're allowed to leave early - 4pm!
unfortunately, i'm also doing revaluation tonight, which can only be started at 7pm!!!
but JPoh and i have devised a plan - leave at 4 to shop/coffee/chat and come back at 6plus :)
i just received word that jason and the guys have already left to go to the rec club for a pool session -_-
i'm so tired ~~
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Museum Outing
visitied the National Museum today! free entry....but not really that much to see, although the company was excellent as usual ;) met up with Fiona, Qi, Nicholas and Melvin for brunch at Soup Spoon (the food wasn't fantastic), then headed to the Museum, followed by dessert at ProjectShop Paragon, more food at Thai Express, then hairdressers, shopping and dinner with dear Sinyee! hmm...spent 12 hours out today...really tired now but i blogged these photos for miss teo yan qi!!! love ya heaps gal ;) HUGS TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS I MET UP WITH TODAY :) i'm glad to have you all to share my life with!
something wrong with qi's camera?
deepavali
inside the museum
going up...
mmm....singapore food history!
checking out the displays
at Thai Express
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
in my head
my thoughts are all jumbled at the moment. i feel all empty inside.
totally drained mentally, emotionally...can i handle everything??
JPoh asks the most interesting questions. sometimes i think she can really see deep into my heart and tries to make me realise/say out loud how i really feel.
i must say i was really disappointed, above all.
it's a horrible feeling, when you realise that you don't mean much at all to someone who means so much to you.
and i've got conscience warfare going on about someone....
something i shouldn't touch, something i shouldn't even be contemplating about!
these words....they're all just words....i'm trying not to read too much into them....
totally drained mentally, emotionally...can i handle everything??
JPoh asks the most interesting questions. sometimes i think she can really see deep into my heart and tries to make me realise/say out loud how i really feel.
i must say i was really disappointed, above all.
it's a horrible feeling, when you realise that you don't mean much at all to someone who means so much to you.
and i've got conscience warfare going on about someone....
something i shouldn't touch, something i shouldn't even be contemplating about!
these words....they're all just words....i'm trying not to read too much into them....
true sad story
they have blocked facebook and friendster at work.
the night before that, i was telling melvin and nicholas how addicted i'm becoming to facebook.
that will teach me....
the night before that, i was telling melvin and nicholas how addicted i'm becoming to facebook.
that will teach me....
Thursday, November 01, 2007
interesting convos...
workload was quite light today (but i do have a growing pile of back logs to do -_-).
i was finally convinced to finish up at about 9pm.
had to pop by home during lunch so Andrew and I decided to have chicken rice at my place.
had an interesting conversation about what I'm looking for in a partner.
called up ah teo in the evening for a chat.
she told me something very interesting ;)
babe, i really do enjoy our phone time at work!!
had drinks with the "cosy 4" tonight.
there are always several interesting discussions we have!
the laughs...the company...the stupidest things we say/do...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Siow Wei's 21st Birthday!!!
dear miss white has turned 21! we rocked up to 169 Joo Chiat Rd to help celebrate this momentous occasion ;) casual, laid-back settings created a cosy home-ly atmosphere...and of course, we create our own entertainment too! some photos of this memorable time in siow wei's life...
song of songs
the original datestamp on this post is 21 October 2007, 10:15pm.
but as you can see, it's now 31 October 2007, 12:45am. long overdue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
i should have done this earlier...
but reading this now is also appropriate...especially after _____
and so, some things to consider thanks to my study bible to guide me (since i'm without small group)...
- feelings of love can create intimacy that overpowers reason. don't be in a hurry to develop an intmate relationship based on strong feelings, feelings aren't enough to support a lasting relationship. therefore, do not force romance lest the feelings of love grow faster than the commitment needed to make love last. patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together
- because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. we are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship
- as you consider marriage, don't just look for physical attractiveness in a person. look for the inner qualities that don't fade with time - spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity and sincerity
- careful communication is crucial, don't let walls come between you and your partner. take care of problems while they are still small
- little problems can disturb or destroy a relationship. it is often the "little foxes" that cause the biggest problems in marriage. these irritations must not be minimised or ignored, but identified so that together the couple can deal with them
- never let problems, conflicts, or the ravages of time ruin your ability to enjoy God's gifts. Take time to enjoy the world God has created - celebrate your joy in the creation and in your love
- when you love someone, you will do all you can to ensure the safety of that person and care for his or her needs, even at a cost to your personal comfort. this shows up most often in small actions
- communciating love and expressing admiration both in words and actions can enhance every marriage, intense feelings of love and admiration are universal
- sex without marriage is cheap; it cannot compare with the joy of giving yourself completely to the one who is totally commited to you
- sometimes the familiarity that comes with marriage causes us to forget the overwhelming feelings of love and refreshment we shared at the beginning. do you refresh your spouse or are you a burden of complaints, sorrows, and problems? we should continually work at refreshing each other by an encouraging word, an unexpected gift, a change of pace, a surprise call or note, or even a withholding of a discussion of some problem until the proper time. your spouse needs you to be a haven of refreshment because the rest of the world usually isn't
.....see all the things i have to look forward to?? i just have to be patient ;)
be encouraged in his perfect plan in his perfect timing (",)
but as you can see, it's now 31 October 2007, 12:45am. long overdue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
i should have done this earlier...
but reading this now is also appropriate...especially after _____
and so, some things to consider thanks to my study bible to guide me (since i'm without small group)...
- feelings of love can create intimacy that overpowers reason. don't be in a hurry to develop an intmate relationship based on strong feelings, feelings aren't enough to support a lasting relationship. therefore, do not force romance lest the feelings of love grow faster than the commitment needed to make love last. patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together
- because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. we are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship
- as you consider marriage, don't just look for physical attractiveness in a person. look for the inner qualities that don't fade with time - spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity and sincerity
- careful communication is crucial, don't let walls come between you and your partner. take care of problems while they are still small
- little problems can disturb or destroy a relationship. it is often the "little foxes" that cause the biggest problems in marriage. these irritations must not be minimised or ignored, but identified so that together the couple can deal with them
- never let problems, conflicts, or the ravages of time ruin your ability to enjoy God's gifts. Take time to enjoy the world God has created - celebrate your joy in the creation and in your love
- when you love someone, you will do all you can to ensure the safety of that person and care for his or her needs, even at a cost to your personal comfort. this shows up most often in small actions
- communciating love and expressing admiration both in words and actions can enhance every marriage, intense feelings of love and admiration are universal
- sex without marriage is cheap; it cannot compare with the joy of giving yourself completely to the one who is totally commited to you
- sometimes the familiarity that comes with marriage causes us to forget the overwhelming feelings of love and refreshment we shared at the beginning. do you refresh your spouse or are you a burden of complaints, sorrows, and problems? we should continually work at refreshing each other by an encouraging word, an unexpected gift, a change of pace, a surprise call or note, or even a withholding of a discussion of some problem until the proper time. your spouse needs you to be a haven of refreshment because the rest of the world usually isn't
.....see all the things i have to look forward to?? i just have to be patient ;)
i'm in love with falling in love but at the same time, i also feel that he is showing me in his own way that now is not the right time for me. i get so consumed that sometimes i put falling in love before God. and i truly believe that when i learn to overcome my weaknesses, to completely and wholly love God and put him first in my life, before ALL things, then i will be ready.
and to end, a man who loves God loves his wife (: something i've learnt from my friends
be encouraged in his perfect plan in his perfect timing (",)
the Lord is faithful to all his promises
- Psalms 145:13b
Sunday, October 28, 2007
way back into love
- blessed sunday -
there's a lot i learnt today. i know that God has spoken once again in my life:-
i've been struggling with psco and i've been asking God, "is this where you want me to be? Lord, it's too difficult for me, maybe i can serve you in other areas??" i even went as far as telling him that i can use that time to go to services instead...obviously he has other plans. and today he reaffirmed this once again. i give thanks and praise to God because he has shown me everything that i could be through his special children whom he loves and cares for very very much.
i rejoice that he has taken away my feelings of jealousy.
my sister Siping's simple words also touched my heart, though she probably doesn't know their impact! ;)
spent my afternoon relaxing ~ ok not so much relaxing :s with my colleagues andrew and amy and amy's friends (whom i met last time) :) lots of fun entertaining adorable 2-year old Asher, playing Guesstures (bridging age gaps ;) ), picking up the guitar...and wanting to learn more!!! we were hopeful about our trip to the botanic gardens even though it was thundering and raining cats and dogs most of the afternoon. Asher's mummy and daddy got him to pray (his prayers definitely go straight to heaven!) and by early evening we set off for the gardens! had a small picnic and rolled out the mats to watch Music and Lyrics.
finally shared with andrew my "love-life angst" after much questioning and pestering (i think he just wanted to be on par with joelle -_-) and i gave in....we definitely don't see eye to eye on "dating" although his views are very secular, very much what i would have said only a few years ago...but Josh Harris has definitely changed my life through that aspect and i wouldn't change it for anything in the world because it's also the reason for my turning over my life to Jesus once again. it also helped me to paint a clearer picture, and my casual flipping to ecclesiastes also helped me to realise.....that there is a time for everything but life is filled with emptiness if i spend it apart from God. so focus Michelle!!!!
ironically, Andrew's advice is DON'T GIVE UP!!!! -_-
anyway, i have that annoyingly upbeat song PoP! Goes My Heart on repeat in my head! ;( see below:
and of course....way back into love
Friday, October 26, 2007
what's left of me
met up with nicholas c. last night, spent some time to talk and have ben & jerry's!! although i felt bad for making him wait....seems like i'm always running late these days and i really hate being late! i shall not disclose what we talked about ;) i'm getting scared of his death glares...
on the way home, had some time to think, reflect, and untangle the jumble of confusing thoughts in my head. i feel that in some way, my heart has hardened. or maybe it's not a hardening but rather it has died. i struggle to come up with feelings and emotions. i would read a story so full of hope and joy and i just pick up a few stray thoughts that would lead to cyncial questions, and the hope and joy fades away....
i ask myself why has my heart and mind become so disconnected?
i'm starting to settle down again. taking a breather out of life's hecticness. sometimes i just get too carried away with everything around me. i need to tell myself to stop and re-evaluate.
i need patience, to wait on God's timing and purpose. i need more rest away from some people.
who can understand but the one who created me, who knows me so deeply and wholly. the world only pretends to care and share in my troubles, save a small handful of treasured friends and family. but even they cannot comprehend the depth of my sorrows and frustrations. i can't even clearly express everything that's going on.
on the way home, had some time to think, reflect, and untangle the jumble of confusing thoughts in my head. i feel that in some way, my heart has hardened. or maybe it's not a hardening but rather it has died. i struggle to come up with feelings and emotions. i would read a story so full of hope and joy and i just pick up a few stray thoughts that would lead to cyncial questions, and the hope and joy fades away....
i ask myself why has my heart and mind become so disconnected?
i'm starting to settle down again. taking a breather out of life's hecticness. sometimes i just get too carried away with everything around me. i need to tell myself to stop and re-evaluate.
i need patience, to wait on God's timing and purpose. i need more rest away from some people.
who can understand but the one who created me, who knows me so deeply and wholly. the world only pretends to care and share in my troubles, save a small handful of treasured friends and family. but even they cannot comprehend the depth of my sorrows and frustrations. i can't even clearly express everything that's going on.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
snippets of a workaholic's life
a mini apple my colleague gave meIvy's getting married!
so cute right? got little twin star... :)
- the venue -
i don't check my mailbox for 1.5 weeks and look at all that mail!!!
20.10.2007 Saturday
what a busy day it was for me! spent some time in the late morning shopping with kat & dean and to pass them my sister's belated birthday present (: went to bugis street and picked up a few cds (i'm on super budget atm), i play Mika continuously at work now and it really brightens me and my day up!
then it was off to Dome @ Park Mall to meet up with my dear sister Siping and brother Melvin :) even though the time spent was short, i enjoyed every second. spent some time sharing with Siping...the first time since we've met that we've done this, on such a personal level...it's wonderful hearing how my friends came to receive the Lord and made the choice to follow him. indeed, their lives are a testament to the faithfulness, grace and mercy of my father in heaven!! :) it was very encouraging...
rushed off to meet Qi, who had been waiting almost 30mins for me! paiseh dear....we were later joined by miss lee and miss HO...wonderful time spent in sharing, laughing, supporting each other, listening and just being there...had dinner at thai express, a bit of our crazy shopping (we seem to get into crazy shopping mode quite frequently these days o_O), and coffee at Starbucks.
and here are my dear girls.... :p
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
down and out
thinking about ______ and about emo things like _____ and so i'm back to reading Boy Meets Girl
and even though i'm tired, miserable and depressed, when you laugh, my heart smiles just because you are happy.
i cried today cos i missed my mum. then i realised that i haven't talked or emailed her for almost 2 weeks!
i've been dwelling on something teo yan qi said on saturday. it really made me think: i demand so much attention from my friends and yet i have selfishly neglected them somewhat.
i'm so sorry...
it's like i've come to a crossroads in my life and i have to choose which path to take.
work...it's giving me a lot of stress, pressure, and depression. i'm wondering if it will get any better. sometimes i tell myself to be patient. at other times i just want to throw in the towel and give it all up. but then what? go home? away from everything i've come to treasure and love?
ah teo asked if i am really falling.....................................................................................
good question.
i'm missing you all, my amazing girls who make me laugh until i cry. i miss those days where we would meet almost every single day :)
and even though i'm tired, miserable and depressed, when you laugh, my heart smiles just because you are happy.
i cried today cos i missed my mum. then i realised that i haven't talked or emailed her for almost 2 weeks!
i've been dwelling on something teo yan qi said on saturday. it really made me think: i demand so much attention from my friends and yet i have selfishly neglected them somewhat.
i'm so sorry...
it's like i've come to a crossroads in my life and i have to choose which path to take.
work...it's giving me a lot of stress, pressure, and depression. i'm wondering if it will get any better. sometimes i tell myself to be patient. at other times i just want to throw in the towel and give it all up. but then what? go home? away from everything i've come to treasure and love?
ah teo asked if i am really falling.....................................................................................
good question.
i'm missing you all, my amazing girls who make me laugh until i cry. i miss those days where we would meet almost every single day :)
Sunday, October 21, 2007
tears are pouring
i've been like a loose tap lately...i know i've always been one for tears.
because he has been faithful even when i don't deserve it.
and i am so humbled and grateful that he is watching over me.
psalm 23
i've been counting...and i know i don't deserve any of it.
my shamefulness consumes me.
i can't help but think back on the last few years....
when i finally cried out for help, and he brought me here.
to this place, away from the tempations to stray far away.
to this place, to draw nearer to him.
to this place, with people who have helped me to grow so so much.
to this place, with people who have helped me to understand.
hmmm, even though i made up my mind to leave, when i finally graduated, i didn't want to take the next step. i held back. i prayed it will be different if i stayd. i didn't want to let go. but it was all in his plan. i had to leave everything behind to return to him.
and now my walk is closer than ever.
i told our class today that i had no friends before i came to singapore but that God has blessed me with good friends when i got here.
this past week has been better. i've been guarding my heart. but i've also started struggling with something else just as dangerous - jealousy.
imagine, almost everyday, tired as i am, i have like one side of me fighting against another side of me over this really very stupid thing. it's very exhausting!
all because her place in his heart is far greater than anything i will ever even get slightly close to.
and i'm trying not to be discouraged but i've recently started feeling more and more like i don't measure up. just not good enough. that i'm lacking in so many ways....
sigh...i'm so so tired...
because he has been faithful even when i don't deserve it.
and i am so humbled and grateful that he is watching over me.
psalm 23
i've been counting...and i know i don't deserve any of it.
my shamefulness consumes me.
i can't help but think back on the last few years....
when i finally cried out for help, and he brought me here.
to this place, away from the tempations to stray far away.
to this place, to draw nearer to him.
to this place, with people who have helped me to grow so so much.
to this place, with people who have helped me to understand.
hmmm, even though i made up my mind to leave, when i finally graduated, i didn't want to take the next step. i held back. i prayed it will be different if i stayd. i didn't want to let go. but it was all in his plan. i had to leave everything behind to return to him.
and now my walk is closer than ever.
i told our class today that i had no friends before i came to singapore but that God has blessed me with good friends when i got here.
this past week has been better. i've been guarding my heart. but i've also started struggling with something else just as dangerous - jealousy.
imagine, almost everyday, tired as i am, i have like one side of me fighting against another side of me over this really very stupid thing. it's very exhausting!
all because her place in his heart is far greater than anything i will ever even get slightly close to.
and i'm trying not to be discouraged but i've recently started feeling more and more like i don't measure up. just not good enough. that i'm lacking in so many ways....
sigh...i'm so so tired...
Monday, October 15, 2007
Big Questions
I've been questioning myself lately...
What does it mean to completely abandon my heart to God?
I don't feel like I'm holding back, but I doubt myself.
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory
There's so much more I want to do. But I feel my passion stifled by life and people. Ask me what I want to do with my life? I don't know anymore. Ask me what I want to do in the next day? I don't know anymore.
There's a few things that have occurred recently that has humbled me. I'm trusting in his faithfulness. Though this world fails me, he never does. When I feel discouraged and sad, he shows me hope and puts a cheer in my heart.
And then there's my stumbling block...the biggest one at the moment: HIM.
I feel that I could be happy forever just to be by your side. And yet this happiness is laced with the pain of heartache. Cos you never saw me when I stood beside you, never heard me when I cried, never felt the warmth of my embrace.
JPoh: "the right guy at the wrong time"
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I really don't know what to think and what to feel.
I can only pray about it.
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
What does it mean to completely abandon my heart to God?
I don't feel like I'm holding back, but I doubt myself.
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory
- The Stand -
There's so much more I want to do. But I feel my passion stifled by life and people. Ask me what I want to do with my life? I don't know anymore. Ask me what I want to do in the next day? I don't know anymore.
I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
That we are redeemed
Unbelieving trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
I take up my cross and follow you Lord
When you stand the tall trees and mountains bow
When you speak the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees
Unforgiven, my savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
Undelivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focused on the savior who gave his life
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow you Lord
I will take up my cross and follow Lord where you lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow wherever you go
- Devotion -
There's a few things that have occurred recently that has humbled me. I'm trusting in his faithfulness. Though this world fails me, he never does. When I feel discouraged and sad, he shows me hope and puts a cheer in my heart.
And then there's my stumbling block...the biggest one at the moment: HIM.
I feel that I could be happy forever just to be by your side. And yet this happiness is laced with the pain of heartache. Cos you never saw me when I stood beside you, never heard me when I cried, never felt the warmth of my embrace.
JPoh: "the right guy at the wrong time"
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I really don't know what to think and what to feel.
I can only pray about it.
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
- From the Inside Out -
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