not dying, dead.

shit. i'm doing it again.
WHY???????

why do i keep doing this? i know i'm not strong enough yet... and still i did. and it hurts even more now than the first time i did it. shit shit shit.

why, eve? why, adam? why did you both have to eat the fruit?? why did you have to know??

ignorance is bliss...

why couldn't i just leave things as they were?
now i know how you felt, when you did it and saw what i had said.
the pain must have been unbearable... i'm so sorry... i deserve what i'm getting now.
but there is a difference, i'm suffering more.

Father, help me, save me... from myself.