not too long ago, i asked someone why he made a certain decision with his life.
he told me that he had prayed about it and all other doors were closed, that this was the only one open and he knew that this was the way God was leading him.
life is not always easy, nor is it ever simple. but i believe that God has put certain people in my life to help to see me through the tough times. and that i need to call on Jesus when the darkness is all i can see and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
when they used to make us go for leadership camps, one of the most common game they would make us play is the "trust" game - where they make u climb onto a table or chair, close ur eyes and free fall backwards into the waiting arms of strangers (maybe some friends... they like scheduling this activity first, before everyone gets to know each other). most of the time, you wonder to some extent, how you would know that these people won't drop you. for me, i worry that they would be surprised how heavy this seemingly small girl actually is, and in their un-readiness for this deadweight, would like buckle and drop me (accidentally, of course).
as i stand there, i would look back down on all the eyes fixed on me, arms out and ready, everyone waiting in anticipation as i get ready to take the plunge... "don't drop me!" i would say jokingly, which would be greeted by responses of eye-rollings and dry laughters. but i would be assured that so many hands will be able to catch me, that's why i looked back, to check that the hands were outstretched and ready.
then i close my eyes and all i can see is the darkness. then i would become fearful. what if they weren't strong enough to catch me? i start to doubt because i can no longer see the people there to catch me. if they walked away, i wouldn't even know. and it's going to be a hard fall when i hit the ground... but, a deep breath would be taken and entrust my safety the people i knew were there (even though i can't see them), and lean back to fall into their waiting arms.
that would be the best way to describe what i'm going through now and how i am feeling about my circumstances. all i can see is a sea of darkness, not even a the faint glow from a lighthouse. but i know that even though i can't see God, he is there, ready to catch me. he can see me even though i can't see him. i just need to trust in him and let go of everything, surrender everything to him and lean on him.
when God spoke to me, it wasn't a still small voice. it wasn't even a thundering boom. it wasn't in a crowded train. it wasn't in the silence of my room. it wasn't even in a dream.
instead, he had given me wisdom and understanding, revealed them little by little, felt in my heart a peace that transcends all understanding. it wasn't a ding ding!, light bulb going off in my head moment, but a slow realisation from the wisdom God has given me by grace.
and i do trust that he will keep providing for me, in every way.
i have tasted and i have seen the wonders of his faithfulness.
one day, somewhere over the rainbow....
No comments:
Post a Comment